Feels like partner is struggling with postpartum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it normal for the male partner to struggle with the postpartum period? My fiance and I got pregnant accidentally, and he was 1000% committed to keeping the baby and staying together. I was the one who was questioning if we were ready and felt very much in a state of shock for the beginning of my pregnancy. Part of my fears/questions were allayed by how steady he always was and the fact that he seemed so certain that he wanted to do this together. Anyway, now we've had the baby and he just seems so overwhelmed. The baby is up crying quite a lot, and I know my partner is sleep deprived and a bit exhausted. But the other day he basically started crying and saying how he was "never sure" he wanted to be with me, and basically that he doesnt feel ready to be a dad and he feels like his life is over. I am resentful because I feel like he should have told me all of this months ago, and frankly shocked that he seems so unable to handle the changes of having a child. It's been hard on me as well, and I really want him to be my "rock", but it feels like he is kind of flailing out and cant function as well. I feel like he makes excuses to be out of the house or find other things to do to avoid the diaper changes and baby duties, and I am really starting to resent him. Is this a normal stage of relationships?

Unless you were raped, you didn't get pregnant accidentally.

[Anonymous]

I was married and never doubted my husband but he did struggle to bond as fast as I did and felt very insecure not knowing what to do for our infant. It didn’t really change truly I went back to work at 3 months and he had to take FLMA and he alone with our infant for a month until daycare spot opened. He’s been been bonded ever since (and its been years now). Hard to say what’s up with this guy so early on, but I know I’d be fiercely protective of the baby and its feelings if he doesn’t shape up at some point, the earlier the better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it normal for the male partner to struggle with the postpartum period? My fiance and I got pregnant accidentally, and he was 1000% committed to keeping the baby and staying together. I was the one who was questioning if we were ready and felt very much in a state of shock for the beginning of my pregnancy. Part of my fears/questions were allayed by how steady he always was and the fact that he seemed so certain that he wanted to do this together. Anyway, now we've had the baby and he just seems so overwhelmed. The baby is up crying quite a lot, and I know my partner is sleep deprived and a bit exhausted. But the other day he basically started crying and saying how he was "never sure" he wanted to be with me, and basically that he doesnt feel ready to be a dad and he feels like his life is over. I am resentful because I feel like he should have told me all of this months ago, and frankly shocked that he seems so unable to handle the changes of having a child. It's been hard on me as well, and I really want him to be my "rock", but it feels like he is kind of flailing out and cant function as well. I feel like he makes excuses to be out of the house or find other things to do to avoid the diaper changes and baby duties, and I am really starting to resent him. Is this a normal stage of relationships?

Unless you were raped, you didn't get pregnant accidentally.

Omg no one needs your puritanical moralizing. Sorry you’ve always been jealous of other people’s sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was married and never doubted my husband but he did struggle to bond as fast as I did and felt very insecure not knowing what to do for our infant. It didn’t really change truly I went back to work at 3 months and he had to take FLMA and he alone with our infant for a month until daycare spot opened. He’s been been bonded ever since (and its been years now). Hard to say what’s up with this guy so early on, but I know I’d be fiercely protective of the baby and its feelings if he doesn’t shape up at some point, the earlier the better.

Also you processed some shock during pregnancy. After our first child my DH confessed that the pregnancy never felt “real” to him. I had the whole pregnancy to adjust but he didn’t. I think it’s crazy but his truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: But the other day he basically started crying and saying how he was "never sure" he wanted to be with me, and basically that he doesnt feel ready to be a dad and he feels like his life is over.

This particularly sounds like the sleep exhaustion talking to me. As my spouse once said to me, there is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture.

+1

+1
How old is baby? Friends with a big family say 6 weeks is peak sleep deprivation. Look into getting help and doing sleep training.