Birthday party with limited "friends"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would coordinate with two other parents (or more), explain your situation, and work it out so you have confirmation that those other kids can attend.

Yeah, this is what I was thinking.

Small group, confirmed attendance, do it home, cake makes it a party, no gifts.

[Anonymous]

We did a lot of small outing birthdays at that age: baseball game, Ripleys Believe It or Not in Baltimore, Hershey Park. Plus, if you do something out of the ordinary and exciting (more affordable with a small group) kids are more likely to come.

I’d contact the parents the same way you’d send them an invitation 4-6 weeks in advance and say something like “Hi, I’m Timmy’s mom from soccer. He would really like to invite Max to join us and another friend to celebrate his birthday. He doesn’t usually have parties so he’s really excited. Because it’s such a small group I wanted to coordinate on dates. I was looking at either the afternoon of Oct 7th or 15th for a national games. Would either of those work for Max? We’d be so excited to have him.”

Especially if the kids aren’t close friends the parents will read between the lines and understand the situation and hopefully prioritize making it work. If you just send a random invite or ask about dates if the other kids don’t necessarily think of your kid as a friend they may just decline if they are busy.

[Anonymous]

My son and your son are very similar. He asked me to have a 10th birthday party but he doesn't have friends to invite. I can feel you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP - One idea for the future is that DS could try bowling with your other child(ren) this summer as AMF offers a bowling pass at $40 per person starting May 13 - Sept 1 letting you bowl 2 games a day plus shoe rental. It includes the rental and any time except Saturday nights.
This might be a time to try this activity as as family, too, at a reasonable price. Then to maybe ask one child to come one- one one using one of your passes.

I know it is always easy to find teen girls to sit, but if you could put your feelers out to find an older teen boy who might be a good role model to spend time one-on-one doing things DS likes. Then also introducing him to say shooting baskets, basic soccer skills, or even art or cooking. It might help him to just "fit in" as middle school approaches on age appropriate activities just with other kids.

It would take a somewhat mature teen, but advertized as an Activity Partner, you might find one as a first job that could give the other teen a leg up with a reference and perhaps help your DS related more naturally with his peers.

Op here. Thank you for letting me know about the AMF deal. My 2 kids have not played bowling before, and those arcade bowling do not really count. How long normally are 2 games for 2 kids? I don't know how to bowl, but I mean to try it with kids one day. Are those passes transferable or tied to specific child name?

We never use babysitters because we use school aftercare and day camps for both kids. Kids have been doing well at these environment. I have the thought of finding a matured older teen boy as a model for a while as a buddy to help him navigate peers and especially when it comes to MS/HS, but it is really difficult to find one knowing nobody to get it started with. Our neighbor is quite dead and I know nobody that I can trust. We have attended some autism events, and they are all attended with adult volunteers and mostly women being there. DS plays sports like swimming in pool, basketball and soccer, and I wish I can pair him with somebody one day.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thank you for all suggestions and tips. Both of my 2 children mask their diagnosis at school with IEP. Even though DD masks better at kindergarten, she struggles with mostly girl friendships, especially those chatty, really social, and popular ones. It is good that she at least makes many boy friendships, and normally those boys tend to be immature, quiet, sweet, and shy ones. A few girl moms with NT social awkward girls have reached out to me for playdates as well. DD is a sweet and kind girl, and she likes to take care of other kids. At least she has some kids to play and chat with her at school every day, unlike my DS. I need to work harder to help DS for friendship before he goes to MS.

[Anonymous]

If he's never been bowling that's not a good idea.

A movie is a good idea. Doesn't really matter if only 2 kids come. Take them out for pizza afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d spend the summer making more friends.

Op here. How? We don't have neighborhood pool, and he will not do any team sports this summer. He will be in different day camps this summer every single week, and we don't have neighborhood kids around his age. I need to step in to help him.

Invite kids for a playdate before inviting them to a birthday party.

[Anonymous]

We had a similar situation for my kids 3rd grade (9 years) birthday and just invited all of his soccer team (it was soccer season) and the few other kids he was friends with. We rented a video game truck and had pizza. It was kind of expensive but he had a blast.

Since then we’ve either just done family celebrations or gone on overnight trips to celebrate birthdays and that has been good too.