How do I tell my sister she's the problem?

[Anonymous]

Get her The Feeling Good handbook by David Burns. It’s a tried and true book for depression. Maybe she could start there since she is not ready for therapy or meds. It helped me tremendously!! (Although I did eventually transition to medication too.)

[Anonymous]

Your sister needs to realize no one is responsible for her happiness. She sounds like such a negative Nelly.

[Anonymous]

Depression and anxiety are often co-morbid with ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow that’s not the way I read her post at all. I have someone in my family like her sister. It’s no walk in the park.

+1

I had to distance myself. While I did suggest therapy, I knew they'd never go. They are untreated and will likely remain that way (and very unhappy) for the remainder of their life.

+2. The amount of people blaming OP is mind-boggling. OP seems pretty self-aware and kind. The sister is a grown-up and can help herself if she wants to. But she probably won't.

I think an information diet / distancing is helpful. Don't pick up the phone / answer texts right away.

[Anonymous]

I didn't know my wife had a sister, nice to meet you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your sister sounds a lot like my sister. It's exhausting and draining to be around someone so negative, constantly complaining, yet unwilling to help themselves.

My sister was resistant to any advice or suggestions. I responded to her wall-of-text complains minimally, and with short answers. Sometimes not at all. I get that some people LOOOOVEEE to complain, but emotionally dumping on others is not ok.

Set boundaries. Don't try to fix her. Respond minimally.

OP, this is your answer. You are sick of listening to her complain all the time. You don't have to respond all the time. If she calls, let it go to voicemail and call later. If she texts something give it a thumbs up.

[Anonymous]

My sister is like this and I have a good friend like this too. And I can also be like this sometimes. I get it.

I think one way to look at it is just on a really practical level - which is, when all interactions are all about her complaining, this is just not fair to you. It would be one thing if she was actually going through a crisis like a divorce or illness - then you can expect that you would mostly serve the emotional support role. But it’s just not healthy for you to play this role always.

So I would focus not on trying to change her but on changing the topics of conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow that’s not the way I read her post at all. I have someone in my family like her sister. It’s no walk in the park.

So
You set boundaries, learn to communicate differently, and stay neutral.

If OP knows her sister’s diagnosis, do you think sister doesn’t.

Psychiatric meds have a very low level of complicate, mostly because they have a very low level of symptom relief. , aside from their agonizing amount of negative side effects (caveat- for those they work for, they are a godsend, but they don’t work for everyone, and in the meantime they feel worse).

If any of to think having someone in your life with mental illness isn’t a walk in the park, consider what it must feel like to be that person.

Perhaps she complains often, but… this post is also one big complaint. No one likes to see themselves as the pot calling the kettle, but sometimes a bit of reflection helps. Are you negating her feelings or validating her? You don’t live her family 24/7 - maybe there’s other reasons that friends can’t come over, like DH doesn’t actually help clean up in the way he says he will or does.

You’re blaming it all on her, and it probably all isn’t, but your own bias about mental Illness is making it that way. You’ve probably had ideas about her from childhood. Time to step back a bit and look in the mirror. She may be challenging, but I trust your obvious hatred and disapproval doesn’t help.

[Anonymous]

OP should say she doesn't feel like she's being a help being a sounding board and that she doesn't want to get involved anymore. Feels they have different approaches or something. Hopes she can find someone else.

[Anonymous]

And OP I had a husband who did all the driving and was also very addicted to several things. Checked out. Driving is not very hard once you know how to drive. Your sister may or may not be the problem but you aren't going to solve anything by telling her she is. I'd find ways to just detach from these conversations so you dont have to involve yourself anymore.