Punishment for morning crabbiness?

[Anonymous]

In the evening (not in the mornings when she’s grumpy) you can tell her that if she’s annoyed with you that’s fine, but she doesn’t have to vocalize it constantly. Tell her it’s too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why 7:30? is she anxious/or has OCD?

The school doors open at 7:35 and it’s a five minute drive. She doesn’t want to be early to wait around, but doesn’t want to be late, either (doors are promptly locked at 7:45.) I don’t think it’s anxiety, I think she’s embarrassed for whatever reason if she has to stand outside the doors and wait.

I wouldn’t coddle her and drive her so she doesn’t have to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. In fact I would purposely drive her early some days because she SHOULD realize that being dropped off at the perfect time is unrealistic AND she can survive uncomfortable situations. Coddling her so she doesn’t feel discomfort will not help her in the future.

[Anonymous]

Punishment is called farting in the car on the drive to school. Windows up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can just say politely, if you have nothing nice to say then let's just listen to the radio and drive in silence. Something to make her aware of her morning tude and then move on. If it doesn't change then perhaps figure out a different way to get to school

+1 Except I wouldn’t offer the radio part just because music can also be divisive and I don’t like to have the radio on when driving.

In addition to telling her she needs to be silent if she can’t manage civility, I would occasionally add that she might want to reflect on the fact that you’re doing her a favor to make her life easier. I say this about once a month to my teen DS when he’s grumpy on the way to school, which is fortunately rare. He is always very full of suggestions about how I should take a different route or go faster while driving, to which I always respond that I’ll drive in the way I feel comfortable.

[Anonymous]

So normal. So annoying but so so normal.

I just ignore the general crankiness. My teens are not morning people, at all. I don’t really talk to them at all in the mornings, including on the drive to school. If they say something hostile/rude, I do push back “hey! not acceptable” and they knock it off.

My teens are actually pretty good and respectful kids in general, not a lot of issues- but mornings are really the worst. I just accept it and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 13 year old is not a morning person either. We had a talk about it after school because she comes home in the afternoon with a much better disposition. I told her I will not engage you in chit chat in the am, I accept that you are not a morning person and we can sit in silence for the ride to school, but you cannot be disrespectful or yell at anyone in this house because you’re grumpy in the am. She understood (again because we discussed it during a time when she is in a better mood) and it has gotten so much better.

This is what I would do. I would NOT let her talk disrespectfully to you regularly though like you have been letting her do.

I don’t think I’d have to say anything though…my teens know when to shush it if I look at them in a certain way and lift an eyebrow. I get a “sorry mom”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why 7:30? is she anxious/or has OCD?

The school doors open at 7:35 and it’s a five minute drive. She doesn’t want to be early to wait around, but doesn’t want to be late, either (doors are promptly locked at 7:45.) I don’t think it’s anxiety, I think she’s embarrassed for whatever reason if she has to stand outside the doors and wait.

I wouldn’t coddle her and drive her so she doesn’t have to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. In fact I would purposely drive her early some days because she SHOULD realize that being dropped off at the perfect time is unrealistic AND she can survive uncomfortable situations. Coddling her so she doesn’t feel discomfort will not help her in the future.

This response sounds really mean and kinda MAGA.

[Anonymous]

I’d tell mine that it’s ok to be grumpy but she needs to keep her thoughts to herself. Or everytime she opens her mouth I’d hand her a Hershey kiss because chocolate always makes you feel better when you’re grumpy (or have PMS).

I do kind of get the leaving right at 7:30 thing though if you’re not a morning person.

[Anonymous]

"You can be tired and cranky without being rude, entitled and offensive."
You (parent) can sort out best way to say this to your kid. I'm a 50 year old mom and I don't want to be called "bro" after I have packed your lunch and set out breakfast. You can have a one time serious convo and, yes, discuss consequences, or you can treat it with humor/lighthearted as someone else said.

Anonymous wrote:My teen can be crabby, but sometimes they'll say things that cross the line and I'll tell them to knock it off.

The yawn response was rude. That would get a warning. You have to nip some of this stuff in the bud. It will get worse if you don't. My teen doesn't have to like us, but they don't get to talk to us rudely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why 7:30? is she anxious/or has OCD?

The school doors open at 7:35 and it’s a five minute drive. She doesn’t want to be early to wait around, but doesn’t want to be late, either (doors are promptly locked at 7:45.) I don’t think it’s anxiety, I think she’s embarrassed for whatever reason if she has to stand outside the doors and wait.

I wouldn’t coddle her and drive her so she doesn’t have to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. In fact I would purposely drive her early some days because she SHOULD realize that being dropped off at the perfect time is unrealistic AND she can survive uncomfortable situations. Coddling her so she doesn’t feel discomfort will not help her in the future.

This response sounds really mean and kinda MAGA.

MAGA?? I am far from it. Nope, just a parent of a kid who has been in therapy for years for anxiety. Rushing to do her preferred exacting desire will actually make the anxiety WORSE. Not better. Helping your child realize that they can survive small discomforts while in the safe cocoon of your loving home will help them improve. Following all their anxious directions is one way to have a kid become failure to launch. The real world isn’t set up for everyone’s needs to be met at all times.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not! If I had spoken to my parents that way I would've gotten a backhand to the mouth. Now, I don't hit my kids, but I do demand the same respect that my parents did. This is not about being grumpy or moody; that's fine. We all have those moments. But it's no excuse to speak that way. Just like I don't speak to my kids or spouse that way when I'm grumpy, my kid doesn't get a pass to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I burst out laughing because this is exactly how my 12 year old is. Down to the we have to leave at a certain time or I get yelled at. She also says I drive too slow and says I could have made the light - when it clearly turned red before I even got to it. I have threatened she takes the bus in the am bc me driving her is a privilege. I have taken away screens as well when she’s especially rude. I try to stay calm but it’s hard.

I’m surprised you’re still driving her if there is an option for a bus!!! Waste of gas, waste of your time, and she is being rude to you to boot.

[Anonymous]

As others have recommended, I would mostly let it go. My teen can be pretty cranky in the morning and it's so annoying when she takes it out on me. There are times, though, that she crosses a line and I'll just look at her and say "tone" or "try again" and that usually works as a way to let her know that she's copped a little too much attitude.

I do think it's important to let them have moods, but along the same lines to teach them that it's not okay to take those moods out on other people. You can be cranky, but don't be rude.

[Anonymous]

Oh man, OP. I feel you. My DS is like this and I am admittedly the opposite of a morning person. It's a struggle fest to keep my cool. He's totally over it by the time he gets out of the car at school but some days, it really bums me out.

My DS is a couple years younger than your DD and has ADHD. This is all before his meds kick in. I remind myself that he is still learning how to regulate himself but I don't hide that waking up to this most mornings SUCKS for everyone involved. I don't think they are choosing to be this way, but I also don't want him thinking "I'm grumpy so I get to treat other people like crap". We've been talking about it when we're both calm and he does want to work on just being quiet if he can't be respectful/not mean and that the feeling will pass. I'm very direct in the moment when he is disrespectful. Fingers crossed this is a phase and one day we will look back on it!

[Anonymous]

I get in the car and back out of the garage at 7:29 every day. That way it is up to him. I am ready, period.