Would you send a baby shower gift if

[Anonymous]

I think if you are not going to the shower you don’t have to get them a gift.

[Anonymous]

I really do not understand people who keep track of who gave them good gifts (or any) and gift accordingly. Only if this person was my parent or sibling would this stick in my brain.

[Anonymous]

Likely not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:…the couple in question did not send you a wedding gift / bring a card?

Pertinent details:

- this is a family member
- I am not attending the shower (they did attend the wedding)
- the family member in question has plenty of money, and was in the same financial situation at the time of my wedding

I keep it simple with a big box of Huggies or Pampers Size 2 diapers, and some socks. Shows that I’m thoughtful but I don’t go broke or crazy buying baby gifts.

[Anonymous]

When I was in my 20s and still a connected offshoot to my family of birth, I cared about dumb stuff like this. Holding onto grudges, judging. Then I got older, have my own busy life, kids with special needs, happy marriage…. And I just don’t care or hold the grudge any’ore. And it’s not even because I’m bad at this stuff; I’m actually really good at sticking to the general rules about gifts and etiquette. But being older has taught me to give others a lot of grace, and realize these rules are dumb. People are doing what they can do, and either you want to be someone who does kind things or you don’t. I have the money, so I am happy to send gifts when people have babies, whether I’m invited to showers or not.

[Anonymous]

No. Pass.

[Anonymous]

I have trouble buying and sending gifts. I want to be better, but I am 42, so unlikely. I do not like to recieve gifts.

[Anonymous]

Do what you want, but I'd urge you to stop keeping score in your head as you just end up devoting mental energy to this and it's not worth it.

[Anonymous]

I would. I don’t have the energy to be this petty.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

1) I love sending shower gifts, and 2) extend a little grace -- who knows why they didn't give you a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only pertinent detail is the first - what sort of relationship do you want and expect to have with this person who will certainly be in your life long-term, whether you want it or not?

Honestly if you’re already bean-counting like this, we might already have the answer, but I think it’s better to remember that life is long, and with family (a) it is less realistic to expect perfect etiquette and (b) there will be far more opportunities for either you or they to step up to help out, reciprocate, or generally show how they truly feel about you. In the meantime, just keep the peace and model how you would personally like to be treated. Why fire all these random shots so early on?

I have other issues with the people in question, and don’t really care much to have a close relationship with them or their child. That being said, they are family and I want to keep the peace, more for the benefit of others in the family.

You won't fail "to keep the peace" just by not sending a gift for a shower you aren't even attending. But whatever -- I would just send one.

[Anonymous]

I would because it is for the baby, not the parents. But, I can kind of see why they didn't give you a gift at your wedding.