Would you send a baby shower gift if

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, sorry, this bean counting is the definition of petty. Make your own standards, and stick to them regardless of what others do. That's called integrity.

I only give baby shower gifts if I'm attending the shower in person. I only accept baby shower invitations from people I'm close to. I'm not rich enough to provide a subsidy to every coworker or cousin's girlfriend.

However, assuming the parent is someone I speak to outside of gift-giving occasions, I send a book for the 1st birthday. That's my standard. You should have your own.

Hmm, I liked how you put that. I guess I’ll be the bigger person even though my feelings were hurt over the wedding situation (I had gotten the couple a thoughtful gift).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only pertinent detail is the first - what sort of relationship do you want and expect to have with this person who will certainly be in your life long-term, whether you want it or not?

Honestly if you’re already bean-counting like this, we might already have the answer, but I think it’s better to remember that life is long, and with family (a) it is less realistic to expect perfect etiquette and (b) there will be far more opportunities for either you or they to step up to help out, reciprocate, or generally show how they truly feel about you. In the meantime, just keep the peace and model how you would personally like to be treated. Why fire all these random shots so early on?

I have other issues with the people in question, and don’t really care much to have a close relationship with them or their child. That being said, they are family and I want to keep the peace, more for the benefit of others in the family.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I don’t keep score.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you expect a wedding gift? That’s so tacky! They showed up so they are the gift.

Lmao, no.

I'd send the gift because I'm a dope and wouldn't want to look bad.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would send a gift, but I am not a bean counter.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s SUPER tacky to keep track of who gives you a wedding gift and who doesn’t. And then to be hurt that someone didn’t buy you one? I’m sorry but that is shallow and materialistic. They probably just forgot. I have no earthly idea if anyone at my wedding didn’t bring a gift. And to remember this months or years later? Come on. And I say this as someone who always sends a gift.

If you have the money just send a gift. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

I always send a baby gift because I love sending baby gifts.

My cousins did not send me wedding presents. I happily sent them baby gifts for their kids. Also, it's funny, but none of my cousins who have kids are married, and none of my cousins who are married have kids

Finally, bean counting is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I don’t keep score.

Same. Also, I'm not the type to have hurt feelings over getting a gift or not

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t. You aren’t going so…no

[Anonymous]

Of course. Why take out petty bean-counting on a baby born in the family?

[Anonymous]

No. Not petty just they didn't think it was nessasary so why would you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:…the couple in question did not send you a wedding gift / bring a card?

Pertinent details:

- this is a family member
- I am not attending the shower (they did attend the wedding)
- the family member in question has plenty of money, and was in the same financial situation at the time of my wedding

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I don’t keep score.

+1

[Anonymous]

Who is the family member?

If it’s your brother or another male family member, I’d chalk it up to “men are idiots” and not punish his wife and child for it.

[Anonymous]

No, except if you are really good friends.