Mothers Day cards are hard

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP, you're not alone. I didn't send anything. Also spent 30 minutes reading the cards and just couldn't. It's been happening for the last decade. I go and read the cards and end up never sending any. I probably need to stop going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There should be cards that say,"So you gave birth." That's more fitting.

Right, because the important thing is to make sure you carry forward the legacy of hurting other people.

My mother was young (19/20) and didn't want a baby, but my much older father threatened to divorce her if she had an abortion. She was a college student, graduate student, etc until she was eventually a professor. And she had horrific untreated bipolar disease. She was beyond abusive to me. Eventually, as a young adult I separated myself from her totally. My father played a big part in her disease being untreated, and when they divorced she finally got serious treatment. It took years of work on her part, tons of therapy and experimenting with medications, but she finally reached a place of healing. We have a beautiful relationship now, one that grew slowly over time as she earned my trust and I got to know her as a healthy person. We are probably more like sisters or Aunt/niece as she did not really "mother" me. We can't undo the past, but we don't have to remain mired in it either. I'm so glad that I sought therapy for myself early on, and that I never struck out at her. I took the steps that were necessary to protect myself, but I had no desire to make her suffer.

Obviously PP was being sarcastic and I have no desire to have an unnecessarily negative relationship with anyone in my immediate family BUT.. your mom clearly had difficult circumstances and worked hard to overcome them to have a positive relationship with you. Some parents never change, even in their relationship with their adult children.

[Anonymous]

I had this problem this year too, op. I wanted to both vomit and cry in the card aisle reading the sentiments inside thinking does this actually apply to anyone? (with my 3 y/o pulling every card he could out of the compartments.) You’re so not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why isn’t there just a “happy Mother’s Day” simple card? I literally spent 30 minutes at hallmark and walked away with a blank card instead of a Mother’s Day one. My mom was not the greatest, did not sacrifice anything and did not make me feel like the center of the universe. I definitely don’t think she gave her all or even a fraction of her all. I don’t want her to feel the power of love or feel like she is the most important person in my life. She didn’t shape me or give me any great advice. I would have bought a card that said she showed me what not to do in love and parenting.

I can’t be the only one who feels this way?

It is not a parent’s job to make you feel like the center of the universe. That creates entitled adults.

[Anonymous]

Why so many posts about moms like this? I have a dad like this but I don’t twist myself in a pretzel to do semi nice things for him.

[Anonymous]

Y’all, THEY MAKE BLANK CARDS. You don’t have to choose some vomit-inducing sentiment. Write something neutral and simple like you hope she has a great day.

Enough with the drama. They make blank cards, FFS. Or don’t send anything!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP, you're not alone. I didn't send anything. Also spent 30 minutes reading the cards and just couldn't. It's been happening for the last decade. I go and read the cards and end up never sending any. I probably need to stop going.

A decade? You spend a decade of Mother's Days reading cards you were not going to purchase before you gave up?

[Anonymous]

Quick hijack - where have all the “from the dog “ - or cat - cards gone? My kids loved giving them on all kinds of holidays and birthdays. Has that kind of cute funny left the card store?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP, you're not alone. I didn't send anything. Also spent 30 minutes reading the cards and just couldn't. It's been happening for the last decade. I go and read the cards and end up never sending any. I probably need to stop going.

A decade? You spend a decade of Mother's Days reading cards you were not going to purchase before you gave up?

Well, what can I tell you. Be happy that you've never been in my position. Emotional wounds take a lifetime to heal, if all goes well... and some never do. There are plenty of 40-50 year-olds out there, sometimes even older people, who have finally faced the reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP, you're not alone. I didn't send anything. Also spent 30 minutes reading the cards and just couldn't. It's been happening for the last decade. I go and read the cards and end up never sending any. I probably need to stop going.

A decade? You spend a decade of Mother's Days reading cards you were not going to purchase before you gave up?

Well, what can I tell you. Be happy that you've never been in my position. Emotional wounds take a lifetime to heal, if all goes well... and some never do. There are plenty of 40-50 year-olds out there, sometimes even older people, who have finally faced the reality.

I have been in your position, with my Dad. But I don't stand in the aisle reading cards I know I'm not going to buy. I just don't send him anything and don't worry about it. It's not like he does anything for my birthday, or Mother's Day or Christmas or whatever. Usually he sends me a text and that's it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP, you're not alone. I didn't send anything. Also spent 30 minutes reading the cards and just couldn't. It's been happening for the last decade. I go and read the cards and end up never sending any. I probably need to stop going.

A decade? You spend a decade of Mother's Days reading cards you were not going to purchase before you gave up?

Well, what can I tell you. Be happy that you've never been in my position. Emotional wounds take a lifetime to heal, if all goes well... and some never do. There are plenty of 40-50 year-olds out there, sometimes even older people, who have finally faced the reality.

I have been in your position, with my Dad. But I don't stand in the aisle reading cards I know I'm not going to buy. I just don't send him anything and don't worry about it. It's not like he does anything for my birthday, or Mother's Day or Christmas or whatever. Usually he sends me a text and that's it.

Good for you. Unfortunately with mothers the bond is more difficult to break. Wish it was different. There is a whole literature out there on problems between mothers and their adult daughters, and society's expectations of course do not help. Anyways, it's over for this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why isn’t there just a “happy Mother’s Day” simple card? I literally spent 30 minutes at hallmark and walked away with a blank card instead of a Mother’s Day one. My mom was not the greatest, did not sacrifice anything and did not make me feel like the center of the universe. I definitely don’t think she gave her all or even a fraction of her all. I don’t want her to feel the power of love or feel like she is the most important person in my life. She didn’t shape me or give me any great advice. I would have bought a card that said she showed me what not to do in love and parenting.

I can’t be the only one who feels this way?

You can get these pop-up cards on Amazon where there's no room to write anything except your name:

https://www.amazon.com/Hallmark-Mothers-Card-Displayable-House/dp/B083YNFWX3/

[Anonymous]

I had that problem with my parent's anniversary. They stayed together until the end but my resentful mother bickered with my dad daily. We threw them a 50th anniversary party. Societal pressure to have the ideal family when you do not is what makes these days difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There should be cards that say,"So you gave birth." That's more fitting.

Right, because the important thing is to make sure you carry forward the legacy of hurting other people.

My mother was young (19/20) and didn't want a baby, but my much older father threatened to divorce her if she had an abortion. She was a college student, graduate student, etc until she was eventually a professor. And she had horrific untreated bipolar disease. She was beyond abusive to me. Eventually, as a young adult I separated myself from her totally. My father played a big part in her disease being untreated, and when they divorced she finally got serious treatment. It took years of work on her part, tons of therapy and experimenting with medications, but she finally reached a place of healing. We have a beautiful relationship now, one that grew slowly over time as she earned my trust and I got to know her as a healthy person. We are probably more like sisters or Aunt/niece as she did not really "mother" me. We can't undo the past, but we don't have to remain mired in it either. I'm so glad that I sought therapy for myself early on, and that I never struck out at her. I took the steps that were necessary to protect myself, but I had no desire to make her suffer.

Obviously PP was being sarcastic and I have no desire to have an unnecessarily negative relationship with anyone in my immediate family BUT.. your mom clearly had difficult circumstances and worked hard to overcome them to have a positive relationship with you. Some parents never change, even in their relationship with their adult children.

I have never seen a DCUM mother described as more abusive than my own mother. Yes, she did eventually after 30 years begin serious treatment. I didn't get sarcasm from OP or most of these comments. My issue with a lot of these people is not feelings of sadness or anger. It's the vengeance. If you are fantasizing about hurting someone, you aren't healed.