The Hidden Burden on Middle-Class Families in Public Schools

[Anonymous]

It’s so true that public schools have become a place for below average students. They excel at helping kids whose parents cannot provide the extra services they need, truly a safety net. They feed them, or give speech or reading help, among many things.
But for those that are above average, it’s a dead end. Thank goodness we have choices.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in public schools and have my kids in public schools and I find it odd to frame any of this as a "burden" or "sacrifice." It's just life. You aren't going to get the teacher's undivided attention, you aren't going to get a disruption free environment, you're going to have to work with people of wide ranging abilities. Part of education is preparing you for that reality. My working life is a lot like my public school classrooms, which are a lot like my kids'.

[Anonymous]

Yes this happened to us. We live in S Arlington and we’re chastised by both S Arlington parents and N Arlington parents… just showing their true colors. We did and do what is best for our children and family. We pay taxes but I guess it isn’t enough for some people! Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our HHI is $160,000 and we opted out of public options and put our kids in catholic HS. I would 100% do it again. My kids went public for ES and MS to schools with 50% FARMS rates. It was fine. Not great. I didn't do it to support public education, I did it because it was best for us financially. I have zero guilt about sending my kids to private for HS.

I’m a single mom and my HHI is 12k less than yours but besides that similar story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I saw my kids parochial school teacher in a tipsy social situation and she was gushing about how much she loves her job now and how awful public school teaching was. I asked "then why do you keep your kids at the public school?" And the answer was basically this, that her mom friends would guilt and shun her.

I’m sure economics also play a role.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s so true that public schools have become a place for below average students. They excel at helping kids whose parents cannot provide the extra services they need, truly a safety net. They feed them, or give speech or reading help, among many things.
But for those that are above average, it’s a dead end. Thank goodness we have choices.

Your comment is over-broad and useless.

Many public schools are better than many private schools.

Go ahead and argue while I google the TJ website.

[Anonymous]

I don't know anyone who bypassed public schools and felt "guilty." My personal feeling about public school--and private, for that matter--is that no school is going to give your child everything h/she needs, so be prepared to pay out of pocket for extra tutoring or enrichment. That's what I've always done. It's built into our budget. I know many other families who didn't but who spent comparable amounts on travel sports, private sport lessons, and athletic coaches.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think anyone expects anything of you. This is your own guilt, for whatever reason

[Anonymous]

I used to have that mindset and think I would feel that way if I had kids. But now that I have seen my step kids go through public schools, nope. No way. I would absolutely pay for my kids to go to a private high school. Maybe not elementary, but def high school. Their experiences have been awful and there is no way I would subject kid of mine to that.

(I have no say over where my stepkids go.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know anyone who bypassed public schools and felt "guilty." My personal feeling about public school--and private, for that matter--is that no school is going to give your child everything h/she needs, so be prepared to pay out of pocket for extra tutoring or enrichment. That's what I've always done. It's built into our budget. I know many other families who didn't but who spent comparable amounts on travel sports, private sport lessons, and athletic coaches.

We would have to do that for our public school, but I always thought those extra sessions would make for a very long day of sitting/studying. I'd rather they just be in a school that challenges them during the school hours and have more free time for their interests.

[Anonymous]

Who knows now. 40 years ago it was a liberal mindset for those of us who had gone to public schools K-12, had good experiences, and graduated from good universities like MIT, Harvard, Cornell, Berkeley, etc. Looking back, our schools were fairly homogeneous middle to upper middle class populations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm super bummed when people peel off for privates, when I thought their values aligned more with ours in being part of public school and the wider community. Whether they're super wealthy or not. We could afford private (it would be a stretch, but...) trying hard to put my money where my mouth is and keep my kids in public - and invest in public.

I posted upthread about this being mainly a financial decision. PP is the case study of someone for whom it is actually mainly a financial decision, but they're not comfortable admitting it's the primary factor, and so present reasons that are more palatable to them. Do I want to believe in the community benefit of a public school? Sure, but not to the point of harming my kids' long-term wellbeing. I made educational choices in light of my financial options, and moved to be in a better public school district. The "public community" is wealthy and educated, and not very different from the one we'd get in many privates. My neighborhood is 50/50 public and private school. We can now afford any college for our kids.

So please don't give me that holier-than-thou crap about values not being aligned with yours. School is going reasonably well for your kids and you'd rather save the money. Don't lie to yourself.

[Anonymous]

We bit the bullet this year and put our kids in a private Catholic school. Best decision ever, but hardly a socially optimal outcome.

[Anonymous]

My support of public schools is paying taxes. I did not attend public school nor do my children. Never thought about feeling any guilt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My support of public schools is paying taxes. I did not attend public school nor do my children. Never thought about feeling any guilt.

I'm envious of my DD's private HS education. It's everything my public school was not. I wonder if she appreciates it lol.