Divorce and college costs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had a shitty divorce agreement.

Paying for college language is rarely
enforceable for myriad reasons.

This. Lawyer fees are a waste in this scenario.

I’d try to reframe to yourself as you being fortunate to provide a stable childhood and launch. The world is not fair and you chose a selfish loser dad. Move on. Don’t punish kid or think some outside force will enforce parity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kinda curious but you guys each have $12K extra you can put towards college but haven't been saving anything all along? Even like $3K each per year?

Also, I think you have to evaluate what you are able and willing to pay outside of whatever your ex is paying and then present that number to your child (or let your kid discuss what schools they want to attend with their dad and come up with a plan to fund attendance).

The 529 did not seem to be very tax advantageous to us to we prioritized retirement and other savings and investments. It’s not that we have no money. We also came into our higher salaries only in the last several years, especially myself.
Child support will be over as soon as kid graduates HS.

PP here and got it. I assumed the $12K was from cash flow alone but maybe not. I mean college savings are college savings regardless of whether you put them in a 529. I still stand by my prior point that you need to decide what you are able and willing to pay for college and not use what your ex is willing to pay as any kind of marker. BTW as one example I looked at JMU tuition and fees and it looks like you could make it work between the $24K you guys have plus a small amount of loans plus some summer working money. You could always help your kid pay back the loans if this is a cash flow issue for you.

Sorry for all the confusion. It’s not a cash flow issue - I can cash flow 24k myself. Just feel like I shouldn’t have to, as there are other things I’d like to do.

It’s your choice to pay for college. If you don’t want to don’t. Not fair to expect dad to pay for it all. He said what he’d pay. Kid can work, take loans, cheaper college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kinda curious but you guys each have $12K extra you can put towards college but haven't been saving anything all along? Even like $3K each per year?

Also, I think you have to evaluate what you are able and willing to pay outside of whatever your ex is paying and then present that number to your child (or let your kid discuss what schools they want to attend with their dad and come up with a plan to fund attendance).

The 529 did not seem to be very tax advantageous to us to we prioritized retirement and other savings and investments. It’s not that we have no money. We also came into our higher salaries only in the last several years, especially myself.
Child support will be over as soon as kid graduates HS.

If he’s paying child support and you are receiving it he may not have had the same ability to save as you for retirement and other things especially if incomes are only recently high. And, he may be paying other expenses on top of child support. You act like he’s a deadbeat. He’s paying child support and offering $12k for college. Your child goes to a state school which is what we tell ours. If you pick an expensive private, you pay the difference.

He is paying the state mandated minimum which does not cover even close to what the actual costs have been. So in addition to actually taking care of the kids, I cover the rest. I know he has had plenty to put into retirement and brokerages because he brags about his account balances.

I know there are people much worse off. This isn’t the victimhood Olympics. What’s maddening is that he talks big about T20s and SLACs and then prioritizes himself when it comes to the money and thinks I should pay, even though I have not been able to save as much as he has because I am living in DMV and he has spent much of his time living in company housing for free.

His child support is not supposed to cover everything. It covers his portion as determined by the court. He is paying his fair share. You are Alonso supposed to contribute your fair share as week. If you spend more that’s on you, not him. Where you choose to live is on you, not him. He was smart to live in cheaper housing. He can dictate any college he wants but if there is not enough money then child goes where he can afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex is living in a dreamland where our child will magically be accepted by a T20 and get a full ride. He is presently unwilling to pay more than 12k per year. But he also has pretty high expectations about where DC will attend and we both agree that avoiding loans is a priority.

Reality is that even at schools that don’t ask for noncustodial parent CSS, with my income we are looking somewhere between 30-40k, possibly 45k for incredible school, per year for a decent school that will accept DC, be a good fit for him, and that he will be excited about attending.

We have similar incomes. I own a SFH but have roommates that keep expenses pretty low and ex knows this and uses this as a reason I should pay more. Ex also has very low housing costs and will quite likely have zero housing costs during college years due to his job, but still thinks 12k will do the job.

If ex is only willing to spend 12k, and I pay 18k+ to bridge the gap, I feel taken advantage of. I feel I have already done more than my share since the kids live with me FT and I cover more than half of their expenses.
We do have a small 529 that will cover a few thousand each year.

Should I just tell DC that 24k per year is his limit for college? It will decrease his choices significantly and I don’t think he’d be happy with any of them. He does want a school that offers a specific program not offered by every school.

Or, has anyone had luck getting their ex to agree to a higher amount? I am certain he can afford it and considering legal action. Our divorce agreement did not get into specifics.

All of f this should have been in your divorce settlement. Too late now

[Anonymous]

Is your child working a job? Do you have your child working over the summers?

[Anonymous]

OP, this isn't even an issue yet. Apply to a bunch of colleges and see where they get in. They may not get in so you are making a drama over nothing.

[Anonymous]

OP- You need to be honest with DS after speaking with his dad on what together you can afford. He should be expected to get a summer job, but his main priority should be
to do his best in high school subjects.
It is not too soon to bring up the idea of ossicle going to a community college and living at home for two years so that he might be able to transfer to a school he really would like to go to. In this day and age, the best gift is to guide them in having as little debt as possible.
Not all Al once, but financial education will be important in looking at schools for what he will gain in the job market and in affordability.

In cases where thereare well funded college 529 s or other Targeted resources for college education, you want your lawyer to get it written up in the divorce settlement that they need to be kept intact for that goal.

[Anonymous]

In this situation, I would strongly consider your DC's state school options, OP. You are living with roommates. Unless your child gets a major financial aid package, it seems unwise to spend more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you shame him? If he is all talk - and has the means can you orchestrate a conversation in front of your child?
I know this sucks - but it also sucks that you should have to shoulder it.
Something like - How was your trip? Yeah - Georgetown is really pretty and I can see how you would love to go. You are going to gave to talk to your Dad about what realistically he is willing to pay your future as right now he said 12K - and I think he thinks it is 2010 because that doesn't even pay for room and board.

This could be quite damaging for the child. And no, you can't shame a parent like this. Unfortunately, I know from experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not fair to hold your roommate's contributions to household expenses against you.

You should tell ex and the kid that you plan to match his dad's contribution. Don't cave on this until the last minute. See how things go.

This is a great idea.

[Anonymous]

Your kid is an adult now. Stop obsessing about your ex.
It’s not the end of the world to have a student loan.
That is just life. Very very few of us are privileged