Selfish not do sports if it doesn't work for your family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused, you have 50-50 and dad has the kids a lot. Talk to him. Are you getting child support? If yes, some of that money is dad's portion as he also has a lot of expenses and the same as you in his home.

Doing some lessons will not lead to team as most kids start team between 5-7. Team is 3-7 days a week.

doing a team 7 days a week in early elementary school would make the kid a real outlier. No family needs that, much less a single mom. I don’t think even the sportiest families I knew of did that much at that age.

We did it 4-7 days a week - winter swim was 4 days but summer was 5-7 days a week depending on the team. She's single in marital status but Dad has 50% or more custody so its very possible. Everyone we know did it that much.

[Anonymous]

Listen to the Oh Crap! Parenting podcast - she talks a lot about how team sports are horrible for families. Absolutely not worth it unless you kid is begging to go, and even then you need boundaries around it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Doing some lessons will not lead to team as most kids start team between 5-7. Team is 3-7 days a week.

And those 5 to 7 year olds on teams playing 7 days a week are long gone by middle school or high school.

Park and rec programs, YMCA programs all have financial aid. But most important is to have stuff at home. Balls, rackets, bats, baseball, roller skates, bikes. Their father can play with them on weekends. They will be introduced to all of the sports in school too. If they find they love one sport in particular it will happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids do want to do sports. But I am a single parent. I have a co parent who has never helped with sports (payment or attendance). He is helpful in other ways (takes them every weekend and some weeknights) so I don't want to push it anymore with them. I cannot afford sports anymore.

Doing swim lessons with the city every summer is doable for me. Anything else seems to stretch me too thin. Did anyone else only do swim lessons? My kids love swimming, and we have a pool at our apartment, so it seems like the best way to go. Maybe if they enjoy swimming they can be on a team when they are older and I'll hopefully have more money for it.

Yes selfish if your kid is athletic and/or needs that outlet. Kids around here swim early for example.

[Anonymous]

Agree that you do what you can. You have a good excuse, but lazy sah 2 parent households with no excuse are selfish

[Anonymous]

Swim team is largely for families with a stay at home parent, OP. The schedule doesn't work for working moms, so don't plan on that long term. But just worry about now. How old are the kids?

On the one hand, do what you can. On the other hand, I definitely have friends who let themselves off too easily and don't try that hard to do things for their kids that they really should do. It's impossible for us to know which camp you're in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Swim team is largely for families with a stay at home parent, OP. The schedule doesn't work for working moms, so don't plan on that long term. But just worry about now. How old are the kids?

On the one hand, do what you can. On the other hand, I definitely have friends who let themselves off too easily and don't try that hard to do things for their kids that they really should do. It's impossible for us to know which camp you're in.

For reference, I'm a single, disabled mom. I try to make sure my daughter can do one activity (swim or tae kwon do or whatever). One is all I can afford and all I can really get her to each week. But I get her to the one. She's 8. If she gets really interested in something, I will definitely make sure she can do it.

[Anonymous]

I need way more info to answer your questions.

Are your kids asking to do sports?

What are your kids doing if they aren’t doing sports (are they active in other ways playground/riding bikes/etc. or are they on electronics)?

Why are sports a problem for you? Cost? Time?

Most rec leagues will waive the cost if it’s a financial hardship.

[Anonymous]

Swimming is a great sport. I did swimming because those were the lessons my mom could get us to. Looking into the future, high school swim teams are generally walk-on, so that’s ideal for a family who can’t make time for private lessons. Some teams, such as tennis, are so incredibly competitive that many kids can’t play for their high school team.

[Anonymous]

My sister so far has refused to put her kids (early elementary) in organized sports because she doesn't want to give up her weekends for soccer games and such. One niece has expressed the desire to play soccer so I do feel a bit bad for her. They take swimming and piano lessons though. It's a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need way more info to answer your questions.

Are your kids asking to do sports?

What are your kids doing if they aren’t doing sports (are they active in other ways playground/riding bikes/etc. or are they on electronics)?

Why are sports a problem for you? Cost? Time?

Most rec leagues will waive the cost if it’s a financial hardship.

Yeah - third page and OP still hasn't told us how old the kids are. SMDH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids?

<8 yo organized sports - you’re not missing much. Other than the swim lessons, I wouldn’t sweat it.

Once they’re 8 or so, if it’s something they’re interested in, I’d look for ways to give them opportunities to play. Nothing crazy - just things through after school programs their school or aftercare might host (our aftercare had a basketball program with no extra cost), city rec programs, or camps with sports if you need camps for childcare in the summer anyway. My kids have gotten a lot from their sports teams - socially, physically, and in “life lessons” sort of way. They’re are plenty of other ways to check those boxes in life, so I’m not at all saying the youth sports are something to make huge sacrifices for in life, but especially if your kids are eager, I would look for easy opportunities for them to dabble as they get older.

+1. My parents didn't realize that even back in the 1990s youth sports were valuable, so we didn't do any really until it was too late to get into most major sports. In high school my sibling and I both tried niche sports, but only I enjoyed them. It was noticeable that I lacked a lot of expected skills like kicking a soccer ball or catching and throwing. It impacts things like PE and hang out time with friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In MS and HS they can do school sports. Until then you do what you can.

I don't think everyone has to do organized sports - there are lots of interesting activities for people to choose!

That said, do not work under the assumption that a child who has not been in at least rec sports can play school sports in MS and HS. They can't. High schools largely form teams of kids who have been playing for years. You cannot go and play tennis, soccer, lacrosse, basketball, swimming, volleyball, etc if you are not already trained. The only exceptions to this are cross country/track or sometimes football (because they roster so many kids and fewer kids are allowed to play).

[Anonymous]

Single parent here, with no help from ex or parents —we did tennis at the club, golf lessons, and club swim team - summer only. No other sports during school year. Priorities- education, family time, then sports last.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree that you do what you can. You have a good excuse, but lazy sah 2 parent households with no excuse are selfish

The US middle class is uniquely obssessed with child team sports. It's not a necessary part of life.