I'm sure he would as well. How old is your daughter? What is she expecting? |
Ten days is "nothing"? What are you? A SAHMommy? You clearly have no understanding that many of us have work obligations. |
OP, you are leaving out a crucial bit of info here: how old your daughter is and what her expectations of this trip are.
If you are going to disappoint a school-age daughter over a trip that has been in the making for 2 years because your new DH wants couple trips -- then you are epitomizing one of the problems brought up on DCUM all the time and displaying why people need to put their kids first and not do this me,me,me marriage stuff bringing in a stepdad who will steal focus/resources/etc (which is exactly what is happening here if DD is a kid). If DD is 30, and you have been taking her on vacations with you as an adult, then I think something has got to give there, and your new husband is correct to express concern about wanting trips to be couple trips now. (Although he seems very selfish and whiny either way tbh). We need more info. |
OP, go on your trip. You've planned it, you are looking forward to it, you have established this as a tradition, and it sounds like it is a great trip to do with your daughter. Plus, you dont actually think your spouse will enjoy it, so why ruin it?
Go on the trip. Let spouse plan an anniversary trip. And then discuss together the next time a larger extended family trip is on the horizon. While I understand that you want to travel with your new husband, you should not sacrifice all aspects of your life prior to him to do so. This is not either/or. |
Why do you think he'd want to go on this trip next year, OP? he won't. he doesn't want to travel with your daughter/family and he specifically said so.
I would go on the trip as planned and do a trip with him next year. |
This. Don’t cancel a trip you’ve been planning for 2 years for a guy you don’t seem to have known that long. |
Just because you have been talking about a bucket list trip doesn't mean he understood you were in the planning stage. Did u specially ask about dates and if that would work for him? You two need to communicate. |
You wanted your new husband to fit into your old life without considering the idea you needed to create a life together. |
New poster. OP, please re-read your own post just above. "He never said he wouldn't" is NOT the same as "He agreed to go." Do you not see that? Unless you and he had an intentional, focused talk about this bucket list trip, you were assuming he was coming along, and you did not check up on that assumption until you were about to buy tickets, which is far too late. You and he seem to have a communication problem. He wasn't assertive about saying to you directly and clearly, and long ago, "I know you want to make that trip but it's not my thing and I don't plan to go." You weren't clear about the fact you thought he was coming, and you ran with an assumption rather than clarifying things. His not saying "I don't want to" when you talked up your trip is not equivalent to "I do want to go." So be crystal clear now. Apologize for assuming things and tell him you will stop assuming about other decisions and plans from now on. Then say that since this has been something on your radar since before you were married, and you don't want to disappoint your daughter, you're still going to plan to go. But OP -- why can't you curtail the number of days or reduce the cost in any way? I'd try doing that, if it were feasible, and have two vacations this year, one for the big bucket list trip and one with him, just the two of you. I'm betting you'll say, "But it's to [somewhere very remote] and we can't go for less than 10 days, and need [guides, expensive accommodations, few flights go there] to make the trip so NO, I can't curb any part of it!" But have you tried? Your concern about "if I don't go this year, it throws my personal 'big trip every other year' schedule off!" is way, way misplaced for someone who is now married. Do you really think you'll keep eveyrthing in your life and schedule just as it was prior to getting married? It's absolutely great for couples to have separate vacations, OP! I am not saying otherwise. But the where, the when, the expenses, the timing around other trips for both of you -- those now matter. Consider well if you're being less than flexible in other areas of your life, not just your rather rigid-sounding vacation schedule (and your determination to keep vacationing with extended family--would you really be happy to go if the shoe were on the other foot, and HE was telling YOU that his whole extended family was going to vacation with the two of you at a destination you really didn't want?). After this vacation thing is discussed like adults and settled, consider some focused work on communications as a couple. Books, counseling, whatever. You don't want to end up resenting each other because neither of you could be clear about wants, expectations and flexibility. |
this |
It doesn’t sound like you have been married long. Just go on your bucket trip as planned with your daughter. I would not put it on back burner for an anniversary unless he has a problem with you going. If he just doesn’t want to go and is fine with you going, I would go as planned. I’m married with 3 kids and there are plenty of places DH doesn’t want to go. Sometimes I go with kids solo or my own friends and family. It is no big deal. Some years we go on a trip for our anniversary and other years we go out for dinner. Our anniversary trip has always been with the kids. |
This shows how women think. In the end, OP is choosing between her husband or herself. Most husbands wouldn't even be ALLOWED TO GO on a vacation trip without their wives. Yet, wives always go on vacation trips without their husbands. LOL. |
Wow, red flag, sorry OP. I would go on trip with family and spend money as planned. Enjoy! Your description of him joining in sounds very stressful. |
Maybe in your household. DH has gone on a few golf related trips with friends (Ireland, Scotland, the Masters) with my full support. |
Seems odd. Are you regretting getting married? I would enjoy your last taste of freedom and moving forward plan trips together. (He will never want to go to this place, so cross it off your bucket list while you have other willing travel companions all lined up.) |