Reply to Vacation disagreement on where to go

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Vacation disagreement on where to go"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Of course you don't make him go on your trip. You pick a trip with him, or you go on the bucket list trip. And then vice versa with the other one next year.

But I think it is weird that you are married to this person and didn't figure this out before? [/quote]

OP here.  I guess I didn't think there was anything to "figure out".  I've been talking about the trip forever.  He never said he wouldn't want to go, so I assumed he would.[/quote]

New poster. OP, please re-read your own post just above.

"He never said he wouldn't" is NOT the same as "He agreed to go." Do you not see that? Unless you and he had an intentional, focused talk about this bucket list trip, you were assuming he was coming along, and you did not check up on that assumption until you were about to buy tickets, which is far too late.

You and he seem to have a communication problem. He wasn't assertive about saying to you directly and clearly, and long ago, "I know you want to make that trip but it's not my thing and I don't plan to go." You weren't clear about the fact you thought he was coming, and you ran with an assumption rather than clarifying things. His [i]not[/i] saying "I don't want to" when you talked up your trip is not equivalent to "I do want to go."

So be crystal clear now. Apologize for assuming things and tell him you will stop assuming about other decisions and plans from now on. Then say that since this has been something on your radar since before you were married, and you don't want to disappoint your daughter, you're still going to plan to go. But OP -- why can't you curtail the number of days or reduce the cost in any way? I'd try doing that, if it were feasible, and have two vacations this year, one for the big bucket list trip and one with him, just the two of you. I'm betting you'll say, "But it's to [i][somewhere very remote][/i] and we can't go for less than 10 days, and need [i][guides, expensive accommodations, few flights go there][/i] to make the trip so NO, I can't curb any part of it!" But have you tried?

Your concern about "if I don't go this year, it throws my personal 'big trip every other year' schedule off!" is way, way misplaced for someone who is now married. Do you really think you'll keep eveyrthing in your life and schedule just as it was prior to getting married? It's absolutely great for couples to have separate vacations, OP! I am not saying otherwise. But the where, the when, the expenses, the timing around other trips for both of you -- those now matter. Consider well if you're being less than flexible in other areas of your life, not just your rather rigid-sounding vacation schedule (and your determination to keep vacationing with extended family--would you really be happy to go if the shoe were on the other foot, and HE was telling YOU that his whole extended family was going to vacation with the two of you at a destination you really didn't want?).

After this vacation thing is discussed like adults and settled, consider some focused work on communications as a couple. Books, counseling, whatever. You don't want to end up resenting each other because neither of you could be clear about wants, expectations and flexibility. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics