"They bought those presents with the child support I pay, so . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you people are so anti single mom it’s insane. A lot of men don’t pay much in child support, doubtful op is getting all her bills covered plus gifts. Lol.

Moms are responsible for 50% of the support of their kid also.

My response woukd differ based on the circumstances. If he is paying cs, I would give my kid an accounting of where the cs money goes. If itnwere spent on presents be honest.

If I work I would show still show my kid where is goes and explain what additional expenses I have.

Really, you’d show accounting to your 6 year old? I call hard BS on this and it would be ultra bad parenting to involve a 6 year old in such matters.

I'm very honest with my children about money. It's not a secret. My teens know how much my mortgage is and know what things cost. They know you have to work hard to live and we work hard to provide for them. They know we dont borrow money from anyone but a bnk or mom and dad.

At 6 this would be a wonderful math lesson. Daddy pays this, it costs this so this is what mommy pays (or vice versa). You can make lessons age appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you people are so anti single mom it’s insane. A lot of men don’t pay much in child support, doubtful op is getting all her bills covered plus gifts. Lol.

Moms are responsible for 50% of the support of their kid also.

My response woukd differ based on the circumstances. If he is paying cs, I would give my kid an accounting of where the cs money goes. If itnwere spent on presents be honest.

If I work I would show still show my kid where is goes and explain what additional expenses I have.

Really, you’d show accounting to your 6 year old? I call hard BS on this and it would be ultra bad parenting to involve a 6 year old in such matters.

I'm very honest with my children about money. It's not a secret. My teens know how much my mortgage is and know what things cost. They know you have to work hard to live and we work hard to provide for them. They know we dont borrow money from anyone but a bnk or mom and dad.

At 6 this would be a wonderful math lesson. Daddy pays this, it costs this so this is what mommy pays (or vice versa). You can make lessons age appropriate.

Talking to a teen about money and borrowing is quite different than talking to a 6 year old about where all of the child support goes that dad pays. Don’t play dumbs now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you people are so anti single mom it’s insane. A lot of men don’t pay much in child support, doubtful op is getting all her bills covered plus gifts. Lol.

Moms are responsible for 50% of the support of their kid also.

My response woukd differ based on the circumstances. If he is paying cs, I would give my kid an accounting of where the cs money goes. If itnwere spent on presents be honest.

If I work I would show still show my kid where is goes and explain what additional expenses I have.

Really, you’d show accounting to your 6 year old? I call hard BS on this and it would be ultra bad parenting to involve a 6 year old in such matters.

I'm very honest with my children about money. It's not a secret. My teens know how much my mortgage is and know what things cost. They know you have to work hard to live and we work hard to provide for them. They know we dont borrow money from anyone but a bnk or mom and dad.

At 6 this would be a wonderful math lesson. Daddy pays this, it costs this so this is what mommy pays (or vice versa). You can make lessons age appropriate.

This is not something a parent has to justify. It was awful for the ex to say that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread makes nonsense and is obvious pot stirring. The person trying to stir up trouble scrambled up the characters' lines in this fictional story.

How so?

-- OP

[Anonymous]

Kids, even little ones, understand what is going on there. I don't think you need to say much of anything.

If your child asks you about it, just say something neutral like "Of course I got you those presents! I picked out exactly what I thought you would like and I was so happy to watch you open them!" Don't get into arguing with an ex when they try to stir things up via your child as proxy to the extent you can avoid it.

[Anonymous]

You don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids, even little ones, understand what is going on there. I don't think you need to say much of anything.

If your child asks you about it, just say something neutral like "Of course I got you those presents! I picked out exactly what I thought you would like and I was so happy to watch you open them!" Don't get into arguing with an ex when they try to stir things up via your child as proxy to the extent you can avoid it.

This, OP.

[Anonymous]

“Recollections may vary”.

[Anonymous]

Definitely depends on the age of the kids and how it was said.

It’s nasty and wrong at any age, but my response would vary based on those two things. I wouldn’t say anything to the ex. There’s no point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:really they're from me."

How do you respond to this?

You don't because no response will shut it down.

I'm not asking how to respond to the parent. I'm asking how to respond to a kid who thinks I didn't get them any Christmas present.

You didn’t get your kids Christmas presents. Just own it.

The parent with child support chose to spend money on the child. What a shock. Other parent sending child support is free to do the same. money is fungible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:really they're from me."

How do you respond to this?

You don't because no response will shut it down.

I'm not asking how to respond to the parent. I'm asking how to respond to a kid who thinks I didn't get them any Christmas present.

You didn’t get your kids Christmas presents. Just own it.

The parent with child support chose to spend money on the child. What a shock. Other parent sending child support is free to do the same. money is fungible.

OP here,

I am curious how people who talk about "what their child support pays for" figure out what that is. Do I say, well I pay for the most important things first, so I'll use these funds for a portion of the mortgage, or for food, or whatever is most important. Or do I say, well I'll pay for what we need with my own money, and then use this money for things I wouldn't otherwise be able to afford, like sports fees, or Christmas presents? In reality, I have multiple sources of income that hit my account each month, and then I spend and save from that amount of money without thinking of which is which.

I should add that I don't know all the details of child support in this case. This was a conversation between my kid and a friend, and the other kid was clearly hurt and confused and was checking in with my kid to get their thoughts. I didn't address it with the other kid, but my own kid and I talked about it at length, because our situations are pretty similar where one parent has full custody, and the other parent pays child support even though their income is similar or lower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:really they're from me."

How do you respond to this?

You don't because no response will shut it down.

I'm not asking how to respond to the parent. I'm asking how to respond to a kid who thinks I didn't get them any Christmas present.

You didn’t get your kids Christmas presents. Just own it.

The parent with child support chose to spend money on the child. What a shock. Other parent sending child support is free to do the same. money is fungible.

OP here,

I am curious how people who talk about "what their child support pays for" figure out what that is. Do I say, well I pay for the most important things first, so I'll use these funds for a portion of the mortgage, or for food, or whatever is most important. Or do I say, well I'll pay for what we need with my own money, and then use this money for things I wouldn't otherwise be able to afford, like sports fees, or Christmas presents? In reality, I have multiple sources of income that hit my account each month, and then I spend and save from that amount of money without thinking of which is which.

I should add that I don't know all the details of child support in this case. This was a conversation between my kid and a friend, and the other kid was clearly hurt and confused and was checking in with my kid to get their thoughts. I didn't address it with the other kid, but my own kid and I talked about it at length, because our situations are pretty similar where one parent has full custody, and the other parent pays child support even though their income is similar or lower.

Money is fungible, so it doesn’t really matter which account the bills are paid from. All of your money is yours and you can make the choices as to how to pay for your expenses.

[Anonymous]

Say whatever makes the kid feel loved by both parents. Ie: Mom/dad and I worked together to make sure you have the best possible Christmas!

[Anonymous]

One point to make is that shopping for and delivering a gift is also effort/a present.

It's easy to give cash. Kids usually want a toy more than cash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One point to make is that shopping for and delivering a gift is also effort/a present.

It's easy to give cash. Kids usually want a toy more than cash.

The dad isn't exactly giving cash. If dad had that cash he could use that cash to buy what the child needs.