Sleeping over at boy/girlfriends house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My senior ds has had a girlfriend for about six months. We know they are having sex (dh had talk with ds about it). His girlfriend is very good friend with dd too, and I'd have zero issue with her sleeping at our house if needed (she lives a little far away), but I am not okay with her staying in ds's room. With dd, in spare room...fine anytime. Is it hypocritical? Perhaps, but to me sleeping together under one roof is more of a committed/married level behavior. Dh and I didn't do that until years into our relationship at our respective parents' place. It's just a matter of respect.

The bolded sentence confuses me. What's disrespectful?

To me it's about respecting your parents' home and having some boundaries, and also respecting the girlfriend and her parents. It may not make sense to you and that's totally okay. People can parent how they see fit. It wasn't an issue with ds and he understood and respects it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My senior ds has had a girlfriend for about six months. We know they are having sex (dh had talk with ds about it). His girlfriend is very good friend with dd too, and I'd have zero issue with her sleeping at our house if needed (she lives a little far away), but I am not okay with her staying in ds's room. With dd, in spare room...fine anytime. Is it hypocritical? Perhaps, but to me sleeping together under one roof is more of a committed/married level behavior. Dh and I didn't do that until years into our relationship at our respective parents' place. It's just a matter of respect.

The bolded sentence confuses me. What's disrespectful?

To me it's about respecting your parents' home and having some boundaries, and also respecting the girlfriend and her parents. It may not make sense to you and that's totally okay. People can parent how they see fit. It wasn't an issue with ds and he understood and respects it.

Right I was asking you how it is disrespectful, but if you don't want to (or can't) explain it that's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My senior ds has had a girlfriend for about six months. We know they are having sex (dh had talk with ds about it). His girlfriend is very good friend with dd too, and I'd have zero issue with her sleeping at our house if needed (she lives a little far away), but I am not okay with her staying in ds's room. With dd, in spare room...fine anytime. Is it hypocritical? Perhaps, but to me sleeping together under one roof is more of a committed/married level behavior. Dh and I didn't do that until years into our relationship at our respective parents' place. It's just a matter of respect.

The bolded sentence confuses me. What's disrespectful?

To me it's about respecting your parents' home and having some boundaries, and also respecting the girlfriend and her parents. It may not make sense to you and that's totally okay. People can parent how they see fit. It wasn't an issue with ds and he understood and respects it.

Right I was asking you how it is disrespectful, but if you don't want to (or can't) explain it that's fine.

I don't know that I can explain it. It just feels completely wrong and "adult" to me in a way that I am not comfortable with from very young people who are not yet adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They aren’t even allowed under the same roof with the sun shining if parents aren’t home.

In the same bedroom?! Not going to happen here. Not even in college.

hahahaha good one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My senior ds has had a girlfriend for about six months. We know they are having sex (dh had talk with ds about it). His girlfriend is very good friend with dd too, and I'd have zero issue with her sleeping at our house if needed (she lives a little far away), but I am not okay with her staying in ds's room. With dd, in spare room...fine anytime. Is it hypocritical? Perhaps, but to me sleeping together under one roof is more of a committed/married level behavior. Dh and I didn't do that until years into our relationship at our respective parents' place. It's just a matter of respect.

The bolded sentence confuses me. What's disrespectful?

To me it's about respecting your parents' home and having some boundaries, and also respecting the girlfriend and her parents. It may not make sense to you and that's totally okay. People can parent how they see fit. It wasn't an issue with ds and he understood and respects it.

You want empty accolades and pretend instead of respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was just talking to my therapist today about how my mother allowed my sister to do this in hs. My sister feels it was neglect at best.

I'm pretty open about sexuality and I think it is a very natural thing for teenagers to be sexually active[b]. But I would not allow this. No way. It's not appropriate at all.

I feel the same way: it’s a very natural thing for high schoolers to be sexually active.

But I insist they sneak around, hide it like it’s something shameful, go behind my back, lie to me about where they are / where they are going, and choose risky and potentially dangerous places to try to have a nervous, unsatisfying “quicky.”

Great way to be “pretty open about sexuality,” PP.

Reality check: you are not at all open about sexuality. Stop lying to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My senior ds has had a girlfriend for about six months. We know they are having sex (dh had talk with ds about it). His girlfriend is very good friend with dd too, and I'd have zero issue with her sleeping at our house if needed (she lives a little far away), but I am not okay with her staying in ds's room. With dd, in spare room...fine anytime. Is it hypocritical? Perhaps, but to me sleeping together under one roof is more of a committed/married level behavior. Dh and I didn't do that until years into our relationship at our respective parents' place. It's just a matter of respect.

The bolded sentence confuses me. What's disrespectful?

To me it's about respecting your parents' home and having some boundaries, and also respecting the girlfriend and her parents. It may not make sense to you and that's totally okay. People can parent how they see fit. It wasn't an issue with ds and he understood and respects it.

You want empty accolades and pretend instead of respect.

If you want to see it that way. That's fine.

[Anonymous]

My college kid has a long time girlfriend from high school and when they are both home from college, I let them share a room. They are having sex, I know it and they know I know it, and I'd rather them spend more time at the house with us versus going back to college where they have more freedom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They aren’t even allowed under the same roof with the sun shining if parents aren’t home.

In the same bedroom?! Not going to happen here. Not even in college.

But they are still having sex, you know that, right? And probably in your house. We all pulled the quickies in high school. College is a free for all. But keep trying to prevent!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My senior ds has had a girlfriend for about six months. We know they are having sex (dh had talk with ds about it). His girlfriend is very good friend with dd too, and I'd have zero issue with her sleeping at our house if needed (she lives a little far away), but I am not okay with her staying in ds's room. With dd, in spare room...fine anytime. Is it hypocritical? Perhaps, but to me sleeping together under one roof is more of a committed/married level behavior. Dh and I didn't do that until years into our relationship at our respective parents' place. It's just a matter of respect.

The bolded sentence confuses me. What's disrespectful?

To me it's about respecting your parents' home and having some boundaries, and also respecting the girlfriend and her parents. It may not make sense to you and that's totally okay. People can parent how they see fit. It wasn't an issue with ds and he understood and respects it.

Ahh, some of the best sex I had was in the basement while parents are upstairs. No regrets. Your DS is probably the same lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My senior ds has had a girlfriend for about six months. We know they are having sex (dh had talk with ds about it). His girlfriend is very good friend with dd too, and I'd have zero issue with her sleeping at our house if needed (she lives a little far away), but I am not okay with her staying in ds's room. With dd, in spare room...fine anytime. Is it hypocritical? Perhaps, but to me sleeping together under one roof is more of a committed/married level behavior. Dh and I didn't do that until years into our relationship at our respective parents' place. It's just a matter of respect.

The bolded sentence confuses me. What's disrespectful?

To me it's about respecting your parents' home and having some boundaries, and also respecting the girlfriend and her parents. It may not make sense to you and that's totally okay. People can parent how they see fit. It wasn't an issue with ds and he understood and respects it.

Ahh, some of the best sex I had was in the basement while parents are upstairs. No regrets. Your DS is probably the same lol

Right, that's being a teenager. We've all been teenagers at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who lets their teen do this? What are your rules if you allow?

I have a hard (no) stance on this. Junior in HS.

More flexible about other things but not this.

WTELC. NO. Be a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They aren’t even allowed under the same roof with the sun shining if parents aren’t home.

In the same bedroom?! Not going to happen here. Not even in college.

hahahaha good one.

PP meant in her home. She won’t allow her kids in college to have a boyfriend or girlfriend sleep over in OP’s home while college aged. That is a common position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They aren’t even allowed under the same roof with the sun shining if parents aren’t home.

In the same bedroom?! Not going to happen here. Not even in college.

hahahaha good one.

PP meant in her home. She won’t allow her kids in college to have a boyfriend or girlfriend sleep over in OP’s home while college aged. That is a common position.

Sure on DCUM it is. In the real world? Not really

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t allow this. But I’m surprised at the responses here. It seems most people on DCUM are cool with their teens having sex, so why object to a sleepover?

I am totally fascinated by this too. I am not okay with my high schooler having sex at all. If you are okay with that, but not the sleepover, it's like you are saying "OK have sex but you have to do it secretly and perhaps not in the most secure, safe environment possible." Bizarre.