Intimate touch/kissing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outside of when you are having sex, how often do you touch and kiss intimately? Husband maintains there is “no point” if it’s not leading to sex. Is this a common belief?

Is he perhaps saying that because you are intimate but don't have sex frequently, so he is frustrated by the "teasing"?
If he's sexually frustrated then nonsexual intimacy if frustrating. But if he's sexually fulfilled then intimacy is a nice callback and appetizer.

It’s this.
He must be feeling like his sexual needs aren’t being met.
The touching/kissing you seek is simply signs of affection. The kind that demonstrates care and communicates “I love you, I care about you, you’re my person”
Married men who aren’t getting sex rarely feel warm fuzzies that make them express affection this way.
And if you’re doing this and it makes him think “oh wow, okay now she finally wants sex” and it turns out he is wrong, that’s a huge disappointment for him and so he’s probably saying this out of frustration.

Easy fix, though, OP.
Have sex with your man.
Several times this week.
Then say sweet things to him the next day and watch him become more affectionate toward you. Men aren’t all that complicated.

OP here. It isn’t this. I’m always up for sex and have never turned him down. I have the higher drive in the relationship. I think the opposite it actually true.

I mean, I don’t know for sure but the reason I’m not more affectionate with my husband is because he always wants to turn it into sex. Like anything more than a quick kiss on the cheek on the way out the door. It feels manipulative so I never want to kiss him unless I am definitely up for sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outside of when you are having sex, how often do you touch and kiss intimately? Husband maintains there is “no point” if it’s not leading to sex. Is this a common belief?

Is he perhaps saying that because you are intimate but don't have sex frequently, so he is frustrated by the "teasing"?
If he's sexually frustrated then nonsexual intimacy if frustrating. But if he's sexually fulfilled then intimacy is a nice callback and appetizer.

It’s this.
He must be feeling like his sexual needs aren’t being met.
The touching/kissing you seek is simply signs of affection. The kind that demonstrates care and communicates “I love you, I care about you, you’re my person”
Married men who aren’t getting sex rarely feel warm fuzzies that make them express affection this way.
And if you’re doing this and it makes him think “oh wow, okay now she finally wants sex” and it turns out he is wrong, that’s a huge disappointment for him and so he’s probably saying this out of frustration.

Easy fix, though, OP.
Have sex with your man.
Several times this week.
Then say sweet things to him the next day and watch him become more affectionate toward you. Men aren’t all that complicated.

OP here. It isn’t this. I’m always up for sex and have never turned him down. I have the higher drive in the relationship. I think the opposite it actually true.

If you are “always up for sex,” then what’s the point of starting this thread? Apparently you agree with your husband on this point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outside of when you are having sex, how often do you touch and kiss intimately? Husband maintains there is “no point” if it’s not leading to sex. Is this a common belief?

You’ve never just gotten to third base on the couch?

No.

He is affectionate- kiss on the lips, cuddling on the coach but it is all very G rated unless it’s leading to sex.

Ok well this is kind of changing the discussion.

My husband is very affectionate (and I am too!) and we touch each other all the time and kiss. But there is like, an escalation that happens when it is in fact leading to s3x. If, for example, we got to third base on the sofa as pp suggests, it def would end up going all the way haha.

I think I'm kind of on his side like, there is no point in getting to a certain point without getting to the climax. But there is MUCH VALUE in like, regular affection. My husband will give my butt a good tap, hug me, come up behind me, hold my hand, etc etc etc. But third base? Yeah walking away from that unsatisfied would not be something we did haha.

you are only satisfied if you have PIV? what about orgasming other ways?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outside of when you are having sex, how often do you touch and kiss intimately? Husband maintains there is “no point” if it’s not leading to sex. Is this a common belief?

Is he perhaps saying that because you are intimate but don't have sex frequently, so he is frustrated by the "teasing"?
If he's sexually frustrated then nonsexual intimacy if frustrating. But if he's sexually fulfilled then intimacy is a nice callback and appetizer.

It’s this.
He must be feeling like his sexual needs aren’t being met.
The touching/kissing you seek is simply signs of affection. The kind that demonstrates care and communicates “I love you, I care about you, you’re my person”
Married men who aren’t getting sex rarely feel warm fuzzies that make them express affection this way.
And if you’re doing this and it makes him think “oh wow, okay now she finally wants sex” and it turns out he is wrong, that’s a huge disappointment for him and so he’s probably saying this out of frustration.

Easy fix, though, OP.
Have sex with your man.
Several times this week.
Then say sweet things to him the next day and watch him become more affectionate toward you. Men aren’t all that complicated.

OP here. It isn’t this. I’m always up for sex and have never turned him down. I have the higher drive in the relationship. I think the opposite it actually true.

I mean, I don’t know for sure but the reason I’m not more affectionate with my husband is because he always wants to turn it into sex. Like anything more than a quick kiss on the cheek on the way out the door. It feels manipulative so I never want to kiss him unless I am definitely up for sex.

DP but same, if I was affectionate with my now-ex during the day but turned him down in the evening he would be incredibly angry and make me pay the next day with silent treatment, canceling plans, and such. So I basically stopped being affectionate unless I was sure I would say yes in the evening.

[Anonymous]

Dating people who want kisses all the time to be touched all the time to be told "I love you" several times a day verbally by text is very exhausting

[Anonymous]

Didn't read through all the replies, but my DH and I did not touch / kiss outside of sex and eventually, the sex stopped. Intimacy outside of sex is absolutely necessary to a healthy relationship. The forms and amount of that intimacy may vary, but there is a point to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is more important to women..and l admit I have struggled with this during my last relationship. At least in my case the women I have dated in the past wanted me to show them affection literally every minute we were together. It's exhausting.

Do you know what literally means?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH isn't affectionate. Even his pecks when he comes home are cold. He's never really kissed me unless he's trying to be intimate, and he barely does it then. And he wonders...

How much do you weigh?

117lbs. I’m 5’6”. He’s gained weight.

Such an obnoxious question.

[Anonymous]

I gave up on this idea long ago. He always wants sex from it and I don't. We cuddle afterwards. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always wonder what it’s like for kids to live with affectionate parents. I mean as an adult it would make me uncomfortable to always be exposed to other peoples PDA, so I imagine kids would feel embarrassed!

What a strange sentiment. There is a huge gap between affection and foreplay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outside of when you are having sex, how often do you touch and kiss intimately? Husband maintains there is “no point” if it’s not leading to sex. Is this a common belief?

Is he perhaps saying that because you are intimate but don't have sex frequently, so he is frustrated by the "teasing"?
If he's sexually frustrated then nonsexual intimacy if frustrating. But if he's sexually fulfilled then intimacy is a nice callback and appetizer.

It’s this.
He must be feeling like his sexual needs aren’t being met.
The touching/kissing you seek is simply signs of affection. The kind that demonstrates care and communicates “I love you, I care about you, you’re my person”
Married men who aren’t getting sex rarely feel warm fuzzies that make them express affection this way.
And if you’re doing this and it makes him think “oh wow, okay now she finally wants sex” and it turns out he is wrong, that’s a huge disappointment for him and so he’s probably saying this out of frustration.

Easy fix, though, OP.
Have sex with your man.
Several times this week.
Then say sweet things to him the next day and watch him become more affectionate toward you. Men aren’t all that complicated.

OP here. It isn’t this. I’m always up for sex and have never turned him down. I have the higher drive in the relationship. I think the opposite it actually true.

If you are “always up for sex,” then what’s the point of starting this thread? Apparently you agree with your husband on this point

No, you assume he is always up for it. He is happy with once a week.

[Anonymous]

I think my DH would like to be touching much more than we are. I have ADHD and am often "touched out" , since having a child. I don't want anyone touching me when my kid isn't, other than in the bedroom.

[Anonymous]

I would if I could. But my wife doesn't like me so I don't even try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outside of when you are having sex, how often do you touch and kiss intimately? Husband maintains there is “no point” if it’s not leading to sex. Is this a common belief?

Is he perhaps saying that because you are intimate but don't have sex frequently, so he is frustrated by the "teasing"?
If he's sexually frustrated then nonsexual intimacy if frustrating. But if he's sexually fulfilled then intimacy is a nice callback and appetizer.

It’s this.
He must be feeling like his sexual needs aren’t being met.
The touching/kissing you seek is simply signs of affection. The kind that demonstrates care and communicates “I love you, I care about you, you’re my person”
Married men who aren’t getting sex rarely feel warm fuzzies that make them express affection this way.
And if you’re doing this and it makes him think “oh wow, okay now she finally wants sex” and it turns out he is wrong, that’s a huge disappointment for him and so he’s probably saying this out of frustration.

Easy fix, though, OP.
Have sex with your man.
Several times this week.
Then say sweet things to him the next day and watch him become more affectionate toward you. Men aren’t all that complicated.

OP here. It isn’t this. I’m always up for sex and have never turned him down. I have the higher drive in the relationship. I think the opposite it actually true.

I mean, I don’t know for sure but the reason I’m not more affectionate with my husband is because he always wants to turn it into sex. Like anything more than a quick kiss on the cheek on the way out the door. It feels manipulative so I never want to kiss him unless I am definitely up for sex.

Same.

It is manipulative, and because it is manipulative it makes me less interested in having sex.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I don’t kiss frequently outside of sex. He does give me a kiss every day before heading to work and when he returns home, but we tend to express our affection through cuddling instead.