Same-Sex Parents Experience at PK-8 Catholic Schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Appreciate all of the responses. With the exception of the first two, we appreciate everyone replying with their actual first-hand experiences and thoughts vice just opinion and conjecture. We’re fairly data-driven folks, and all I have to truly go off of is my own (really great) experience at Catholic schools. But that of course was at a different time under different circumstances. I knew Diocese of Arlington faired on the more traditional/conservative side (that is the diocese I went to school in), but didn’t realize it was one of the most staunch in the country. It was interesting to learn that the Archdiocese of Washington seems to have a whisper of progressive-leaning parishes, which squares with growing up with LGBT friends who happily attended some of those schools.

As mentioned in the original post, we are leaning heavily towards Episcopal (most likely), Quaker, or Independent, but didn’t want our decision to not go Catholic be solely based on strong assumptions. The few open houses we’ve attended thus far of an Episcopal and Independent school don’t just align well from the perspective of our family dynamics, but also other values and issues we care about. Out of sheer curiosity at this point, we will likely still go on the one tour we had already scheduled with a PK-8 Diocese of Arlington school (scheduled well before we even thought about the glaring conflict); happy to report back here for other folks who might be curious as to our experience.

Replying to myself to clarify a sentence. The italicized above should have instead read:

The few open houses we’ve attended thus far of an Episcopal and Independent school not only align well from the perspective of our family dynamics, but also other values and issues we care about.

[Anonymous]

Consider Grace Episcopal and SSSAS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two-mom family here. We sent our kids to a secular progressive K-8. (We were not looking for structure like you are, but we were looking for a school community that would welcome our family.)

That said, both of our kids chose an Episcopal school for high school. I do appreciate the structure and clear expectations as well as the faith community. In hindsight, I probably would have been happy sending our kids to Episcopal school from the start.

We don’t live in VA, so I am not familiar with the options there, but if you are casting a wider “faith based, more structured school” net, perhaps there are some Episcopal schools in your area that may fit the bill.

Good luck with your school search.

The Episcopal church is much more tolerant than the Catholic Church. They have gay priests!

[Anonymous]

I’m not going to out us, but we are a 2 mom family at a Christian K-8 in the area.
DC is now in MS. We met with Principal before applying, explained our family and they welcomed us. They have been kind and welcoming the entire time. No homophobic issues.
The only minor thing that came up was their unit on health which discussed sex. They definitely talked about it as a man and a woman. We just talked to DC about it and asked DC what was fact and what was opinion. Nothing negative was said about gay couples etc though.
I’m happy we made the choice we did. Not in Arlington so there is no point naming the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I are same-sex parents currently exploring private schools in the area to send our child wide PK4 in 2026. Our child currently attends private non-parochial daycare/school, but we are looking now so we have our selection scoped down by next year’s application timeframe for PK4. I grew up going to Catholic school for 4th through 12th grades - and (in hindsight) appreciated the structure, discipline, and focus on faith. While neither one of us are Catholic, we were interested in sending our child to a Catholic school (ideally in Alexandria/Arlington), for the aforementioned reasons as well as the educational reputation associated with some in the area, but have concerns around the teachings around homosexuality. I don’t exactly remember how much/what was taught about homosexuality when I was in school (other than it was a sin) or when, and I didn’t really know who *I* was at the time so I didn’t pay it much attention. It is also much more socially acceptable now than it was then so I presume it is more likely to be addressed in schools. To be very clear, we are very aware of the Catholic church’s stance on homosexual inclinations, tendencies, and acts, as well as the blessings that are now available to same-sex couples, so we know at some level what we would be signing up for. We are planning to do school tours/open houses to get a feel of the atmosphere.

We’re interested in hearing from same-sex parents of kids in Catholic schools (and/or those parents who have evidenced-based insight and not just opinion or conjecture) as to 1) the level of acceptance at specific schools (or lack thereof); 2) if/when the Church’s stance is taught in PK-8 schools; 3) how you managed guiding your child(ren) through a space where at school they might hear that the family they have at home is “sinful”, “immoral”, “disordered”, etc.

I know that nationally, some dioceses have *slowly* become more progressive, to the extent that they can; and Pope Francis has been a fairly progressive pope (in the 2,000 year grand scheme of things). If I’m not mistaken, the Diocese of Arlington is not as progressive in this particular arena, and some parishes within even less so, which is why we are leaning toward private Episcopal, Quaker, or independent. But before we completely shut the door on Catholic schools, we would love to hear people’s actual experiences.

Note: I have poured through dozens of DCUM posts trying to find some flavor of our specific inquiry and answers, but haven’t come across anything that quite fits. If there is a thread that exists that meets the ask above, feel free to point us in that direction.

We currently have our children at an Arlington diocese school and overall really like it, especially for the structure/discipline/focus on faith you mention but even as relatively traditional Catholics we sometimes find the teachings a bit archaic and I’m not aware of any same sex families in the school community.

The Arlington diocese is famous/(infamous) for being one of the most conservative in the country and definitely not in line with the current more liberal Pope Francis leanings.

Also, in regards to a pp- they have definitely never been taught that homosexuals (or any other groups) are going to hell but have been taught that marriage is a sacrament explicitly between a man and a woman.

This. My kids are at our parish school and while I love it, I would not recommend it for any gay parent friends. There are many private school choices in this area. I am sure you can find a better match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you really want your kid taught that you and your spouse are going to h3ll? That’s what they will teach. The bishop is in the news for calling gambling a sin!

At which schools do they teach this?

NP. My kids’ Catholic school taught this. For many reasons, Catholic school didn’t work for our family so we moved them to an Episcopal school that’s a much better fit. It has all the benefits of a Catholic school and none of the many, many drawbacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I attended Catholic school in the midwest through hs so when the time came we seriously considered the same for our children. However, I found the schools here to be much more conservative than I remember as a child. We specifically worried about one of our children who we worried would be a target for some of the anti-LGBTQ teachings. Ultimately we were uncomfortable exposing our children to those environments (we ended up at an episcopal school FWIW). Good luck!

I went to Catholic school in the 80s and also found Catholic school to be more conservative today than I remember it being back then.

[Anonymous]

As a few others posted, Arlington Diocese is amongst the most conservative in the country. My family has had children enrolled in schools in the Arlington Diocese for over 15 years and I’ve yet to meet another (open) same sex couple. I’d definitely look to other faiths, I personally know some same sex couples with children at several Episcopalian schools and the families are very happy.

[Anonymous]

I would look at Our Savior Lutheran School in Arlington, VA. We are a Catholic family but chose it over St Thomas Moore. We do send our kids to CCD at Our Lady of Lourdes on Sunday for 45 minutes.

[Anonymous]

You will be treated like second class citizens, because you are second class citizens in the Catholic Church. I say this as someone who loved the Church and worked within it professionally.

Don't do it.

You might still want to consider joining a church with your family and then pursuing religious education within that church. The Quakers, Episcopal, ELCA and PCUSA are all affirming denominations with good religious elementary schools.

For our two mom family, we found a great, affirming home in a charter school in DC. Our children have had gay teachers, several students in each class with same sex parents, and all around an affirming experience. I feel confident that this also would have been their experience in religious schools where the religion is positive towards your famly.

In this particular geographic area our kids have the opportunity to be treated as though their families are normal. Why give that up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I attended Catholic school in the midwest through hs so when the time came we seriously considered the same for our children. However, I found the schools here to be much more conservative than I remember as a child. We specifically worried about one of our children who we worried would be a target for some of the anti-LGBTQ teachings. Ultimately we were uncomfortable exposing our children to those environments (we ended up at an episcopal school FWIW). Good luck!

I went to Catholic school in the 80s and also found Catholic school to be more conservative today than I remember it being back then.

Very much this.