Same-Sex Parents Experience at PK-8 Catholic Schools

[Anonymous]

My wife and I are same-sex parents currently exploring private schools in the area to send our child wide PK4 in 2026. Our child currently attends private non-parochial daycare/school, but we are looking now so we have our selection scoped down by next year’s application timeframe for PK4. I grew up going to Catholic school for 4th through 12th grades - and (in hindsight) appreciated the structure, discipline, and focus on faith. While neither one of us are Catholic, we were interested in sending our child to a Catholic school (ideally in Alexandria/Arlington), for the aforementioned reasons as well as the educational reputation associated with some in the area, but have concerns around the teachings around homosexuality. I don’t exactly remember how much/what was taught about homosexuality when I was in school (other than it was a sin) or when, and I didn’t really know who *I* was at the time so I didn’t pay it much attention. It is also much more socially acceptable now than it was then so I presume it is more likely to be addressed in schools. To be very clear, we are very aware of the Catholic church’s stance on homosexual inclinations, tendencies, and acts, as well as the blessings that are now available to same-sex couples, so we know at some level what we would be signing up for. We are planning to do school tours/open houses to get a feel of the atmosphere.

We’re interested in hearing from same-sex parents of kids in Catholic schools (and/or those parents who have evidenced-based insight and not just opinion or conjecture) as to 1) the level of acceptance at specific schools (or lack thereof); 2) if/when the Church’s stance is taught in PK-8 schools; 3) how you managed guiding your child(ren) through a space where at school they might hear that the family they have at home is “sinful”, “immoral”, “disordered”, etc.

I know that nationally, some dioceses have *slowly* become more progressive, to the extent that they can; and Pope Francis has been a fairly progressive pope (in the 2,000 year grand scheme of things). If I’m not mistaken, the Diocese of Arlington is not as progressive in this particular arena, and some parishes within even less so, which is why we are leaning toward private Episcopal, Quaker, or independent. But before we completely shut the door on Catholic schools, we would love to hear people’s actual experiences.

Note: I have poured through dozens of DCUM posts trying to find some flavor of our specific inquiry and answers, but haven’t come across anything that quite fits. If there is a thread that exists that meets the ask above, feel free to point us in that direction.

[Anonymous]

Do you really want your kid taught that you and your spouse are going to h3ll? That’s what they will teach. The bishop is in the news for calling gambling a sin!

[Anonymous]

You cannot be seriously considering this. Just shut the door on this option and go with episcopal or quaker. You can't find anything on this board because people just don't do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you really want your kid taught that you and your spouse are going to h3ll? That’s what they will teach. The bishop is in the news for calling gambling a sin!

At which schools do they teach this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I are same-sex parents currently exploring private schools in the area to send our child wide PK4 in 2026. Our child currently attends private non-parochial daycare/school, but we are looking now so we have our selection scoped down by next year’s application timeframe for PK4. I grew up going to Catholic school for 4th through 12th grades - and (in hindsight) appreciated the structure, discipline, and focus on faith. While neither one of us are Catholic, we were interested in sending our child to a Catholic school (ideally in Alexandria/Arlington), for the aforementioned reasons as well as the educational reputation associated with some in the area, but have concerns around the teachings around homosexuality. I don’t exactly remember how much/what was taught about homosexuality when I was in school (other than it was a sin) or when, and I didn’t really know who *I* was at the time so I didn’t pay it much attention. It is also much more socially acceptable now than it was then so I presume it is more likely to be addressed in schools. To be very clear, we are very aware of the Catholic church’s stance on homosexual inclinations, tendencies, and acts, as well as the blessings that are now available to same-sex couples, so we know at some level what we would be signing up for. We are planning to do school tours/open houses to get a feel of the atmosphere.

We’re interested in hearing from same-sex parents of kids in Catholic schools (and/or those parents who have evidenced-based insight and not just opinion or conjecture) as to 1) the level of acceptance at specific schools (or lack thereof); 2) if/when the Church’s stance is taught in PK-8 schools; 3) how you managed guiding your child(ren) through a space where at school they might hear that the family they have at home is “sinful”, “immoral”, “disordered”, etc.

I know that nationally, some dioceses have *slowly* become more progressive, to the extent that they can; and Pope Francis has been a fairly progressive pope (in the 2,000 year grand scheme of things). If I’m not mistaken, the Diocese of Arlington is not as progressive in this particular arena, and some parishes within even less so, which is why we are leaning toward private Episcopal, Quaker, or independent. But before we completely shut the door on Catholic schools, we would love to hear people’s actual experiences.

Note: I have poured through dozens of DCUM posts trying to find some flavor of our specific inquiry and answers, but haven’t come across anything that quite fits. If there is a thread that exists that meets the ask above, feel free to point us in that direction.

We currently have our children at an Arlington diocese school and overall really like it, especially for the structure/discipline/focus on faith you mention but even as relatively traditional Catholics we sometimes find the teachings a bit archaic and I’m not aware of any same sex families in the school community.

The Arlington diocese is famous/(infamous) for being one of the most conservative in the country and definitely not in line with the current more liberal Pope Francis leanings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I are same-sex parents currently exploring private schools in the area to send our child wide PK4 in 2026. Our child currently attends private non-parochial daycare/school, but we are looking now so we have our selection scoped down by next year’s application timeframe for PK4. I grew up going to Catholic school for 4th through 12th grades - and (in hindsight) appreciated the structure, discipline, and focus on faith. While neither one of us are Catholic, we were interested in sending our child to a Catholic school (ideally in Alexandria/Arlington), for the aforementioned reasons as well as the educational reputation associated with some in the area, but have concerns around the teachings around homosexuality. I don’t exactly remember how much/what was taught about homosexuality when I was in school (other than it was a sin) or when, and I didn’t really know who *I* was at the time so I didn’t pay it much attention. It is also much more socially acceptable now than it was then so I presume it is more likely to be addressed in schools. To be very clear, we are very aware of the Catholic church’s stance on homosexual inclinations, tendencies, and acts, as well as the blessings that are now available to same-sex couples, so we know at some level what we would be signing up for. We are planning to do school tours/open houses to get a feel of the atmosphere.

We’re interested in hearing from same-sex parents of kids in Catholic schools (and/or those parents who have evidenced-based insight and not just opinion or conjecture) as to 1) the level of acceptance at specific schools (or lack thereof); 2) if/when the Church’s stance is taught in PK-8 schools; 3) how you managed guiding your child(ren) through a space where at school they might hear that the family they have at home is “sinful”, “immoral”, “disordered”, etc.

I know that nationally, some dioceses have *slowly* become more progressive, to the extent that they can; and Pope Francis has been a fairly progressive pope (in the 2,000 year grand scheme of things). If I’m not mistaken, the Diocese of Arlington is not as progressive in this particular arena, and some parishes within even less so, which is why we are leaning toward private Episcopal, Quaker, or independent. But before we completely shut the door on Catholic schools, we would love to hear people’s actual experiences.

Note: I have poured through dozens of DCUM posts trying to find some flavor of our specific inquiry and answers, but haven’t come across anything that quite fits. If there is a thread that exists that meets the ask above, feel free to point us in that direction.

We currently have our children at an Arlington diocese school and overall really like it, especially for the structure/discipline/focus on faith you mention but even as relatively traditional Catholics we sometimes find the teachings a bit archaic and I’m not aware of any same sex families in the school community.

The Arlington diocese is famous/(infamous) for being one of the most conservative in the country and definitely not in line with the current more liberal Pope Francis leanings.

Also, in regards to a pp- they have definitely never been taught that homosexuals (or any other groups) are going to hell but have been taught that marriage is a sacrament explicitly between a man and a woman.

[Anonymous]

I attended Catholic school in the midwest through hs so when the time came we seriously considered the same for our children. However, I found the schools here to be much more conservative than I remember as a child. We specifically worried about one of our children who we worried would be a target for some of the anti-LGBTQ teachings. Ultimately we were uncomfortable exposing our children to those environments (we ended up at an episcopal school FWIW). Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Arlington Diocese (Alexandria) parent here. In our small school (250ish), there are literally only 2 divorced families and the principal has done her best to make them feel unwelcome. I hate that this is what it is, and we're actively looking for other options.

[Anonymous]

The St. Bart’s community (MD) has had several same-sex parents over the years.

[Anonymous]

Two-mom family here. We sent our kids to a secular progressive K-8. (We were not looking for structure like you are, but we were looking for a school community that would welcome our family.)

That said, both of our kids chose an Episcopal school for high school. I do appreciate the structure and clear expectations as well as the faith community. In hindsight, I probably would have been happy sending our kids to Episcopal school from the start.

We don’t live in VA, so I am not familiar with the options there, but if you are casting a wider “faith based, more structured school” net, perhaps there are some Episcopal schools in your area that may fit the bill.

Good luck with your school search.

[Anonymous]

I went to Catholic school in Archdiocese of Washington and now live in Northern VA. We chose Episcopal over Catholic for DC. The Arlington Diocese is way too conservative for my liking. Historically, Catholic schools teach that sex must be procreative and unitive, so any sex that is not both of these is sinful. This is why historically birth control, sex outside of marriage and homosexual sex have been frowned upon. That being said, having grown up with those teachings, I never once thought poorly of my gay family members. If you are willing to have conversations with your child about your beliefs then I think you should be able to make it work.

[Anonymous]

A variation of this question gets asked multiple times every admissions cycle. Do a search and you’ll find a few threads (try searching from Google with something like dcurbanmom.com same-sex parents Catholic schools - DCUM’s search function is pretty bad).

[Anonymous]

I have a (closeted) gay kid in a Catholic high school, with very serious misgivings. We love Catholic school for the faith and structure, and we can afford it. We also figure that if Pope Francis has met with trans prostitutes, the Catholic church has to change its views at some point, whatever the American church is doing. THAT SAID - so far no "g@ys are going to h3ll," but there is definite homophobia and an implicit expectation that everyone is straight. So far it is DD's preference to stay, but we have talked about what to do if the pressure of being closeted at school becomes too much to bear.

[Anonymous]

K-8 Catholic schools are very parish focused. The kids see each other not only at school but at mass on the weekends and at church events. Families know each other through mass and church events. You should be prepared for that. Also, admission to these schools can depend on membership, and typically you are expected to attend the school you’re geographically zoned for. Zones are on the diocese website and individual church websites. Have you visited the parishes you’re interested in?

[Anonymous]

I had a lesbian teacher when I went to Holy Trinity in Georgetown 25 years ago. (I also learned the dreidel game there from my Jewish preschool teacher, and after 9/11 we had a weeklong unit on Islam to make sure none of us turned about to be bigots, if that gives you a flavor of the place.) Back then it was very much God is loving your neighbor and helping poor people. I can't speak to the school today, but I doubt you or your kids would face hostility if it's anything like the school I remember. (That said, I was a straight kid of straight parents, and there were not any same sex parents in my class, so I can only speculate.)