Is it okay to cheat in a marriage where you feel you were emotionally abused?

[Anonymous]

You are both awful.

But yeah -- if this is all true you got what you deserved.

[Anonymous]

This all depends on what he was actually doing. If he wasn’t working at all, then I can understand kind of desperately referring to other people with jobs. When my xDH was basically blowing me off when DC was a newborn (like he would regularly stay “at work” until 9 or 10 without calling) at one point I begged him to talk to his brother about how a dad needs to help out in the newborn phase.

[Anonymous]

I've been on both sides.

In my first marriage, my H was emotionally abusive and I cheated.

In my second marriage, I was emotionally abusive and he cheated.

The conclusion I came to is that we're all human. My first H did some pretty horrible things to me, but I understand why he behaved the way he did. I did horrible things in return, but he understands why I did. Same with my second marriage.

I'm still married to H #2. Things got much better once we both accepted we are both human, we are both very flawed, and we both have baggage from our past. What changed is we both decided we wanted to do better moving forward and build something new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has cheated on me a few times in our marriage. He justifies it by saying I deserved it as I was emotionally abusive and treated him poorly. He found it very stressful and demoralizing that I kept asking for him to make more money and plan for our married life. He said I compared him to his more successful friends and yes, I did. I kept using them as examples of what he could do to help us get set up...I thought I was using them as guiding posts he thought I was putting him down.

I was also jealous of our friends who had more money. He would feel bad about himself...After 3 years of this he started cheating on me. This was devastating to me as I loved him so much and I begged for him to not leave me...and here we are still together. I still feel awful about being cheated on but he says I can't hold those over him as it was essentially my fault that he cheated.

Why do folks come on here and ask such simple minded questions? Are you serious OP? Get out of this lose lose situation. He’s gaslighting you terribly. This is a form of emotional abuse.