7th grader has no interests except fiction reading and video games

[Anonymous]

redquasar wrote:7th grader goes to a STEM school, with plethora of STEM and non STEM activities. I've also presented options outside of school such as debate, rowing, sports, art class, etc. So far he has declined everything. Grades are near perfect. No major behavioral issues. In his spare time, voracious fantasy fiction reader, and some video gaming on weekends.

I don't want to force activities on him; that is Cleary not productive. But his reluctance to try anything extra-curricular is becoming problematic. Any ideas on potential ideas ? Literary themed projects or Johns Hopkins CTY ?

We are not trying to have him fill out a college CV here; just some attempt to explore potential areas of interest.

It is only a problem to you. Your kid knows what they want to do and it sounds like they are busy enough with school. Just leave them be! Reading fiction is perfectly acceptable way to spend your time as well as video games. He knows you want it and this is the only way he has control over his life. Perhaps if you back off then he will naturally express interest.

Until then enjoy your child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have to start sports in ES.

Nonsense. Sports are not reserved for precocious athletes.

[Anonymous]

A lot of non sports activities open up in high school, I’d just tell him to think about what he might want to do - starting in 8th grade you can have this discussion.

[Anonymous]

Best to accept it now, OP. You might just have a perfectly average kid, like most people.

[Anonymous]

It's a problem for you. He's doing fine. The brightest kid in DS' grade is the same, and I have no doubt that kid will fare well in life.

[Anonymous]

redquasar wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP when he turns down the activities you suggest, what reason does he give? Does he have friends? Does he spend time with them outside of school?

he'll usually state that he has no interest and it will be hard to get motivated for that. He does some recreational volleyball at the Y but not a sports guy which is fine. He does orchestra in school and played last year in a very high level county band, but just went through the motions; no zeal.

There is a pressure from colleges to be a "pointy' applicant which a unique passion. I disagree with that if it is forced and doesn't come from within. But turning down options at the buffet of opportunities before even trying them is tough.

Wait - i don’t get it. This seems fine to me. You can’t change him to being a zealous over achiever type. You do realize a lot of that personality type is from anxiety right? I have two kids like this and they are wound tight and throw themselves into activities bc the idea of not being the best is a constant stress to them. I was a type b kid who read books as my hobby and I didn’t do any EC until high school when I joined the school paper and newspaper. Which started out as a class. And then I worked a part time job. I went to college and got decent grades . I’m one of the only ppl people I know who isn’t a constant ball of anxiety honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t honestly see a problem with forcing activities. In our family, kids have to do some sport each season and 1 other activity, whatever they wish. The physical activity is really important to me. When these kids are adults, even more jobs will just be sitting. If they don’t like moving around, it will be a big problem!

How old are your kids? At some point, you can’t force. And the more you try, the more damage you might do to your relationship.

OP, just give your kid a few options, but if he declines, let it be. He will mature a lot in the next few years and new things will probably start to pique his interest.

My kids are old. 11 and 16. We had to force early so we no longer have to, because they like it. Early years were tough, because it is more fun and less effort to sit in front of the tv or iPad. I don’t think middle school is too late to push it. People who aren’t pushed outside their comfort zone will be in big trouble mentally in the future. In the past, someone who didn’t like to interact with people still had to go to the store, bank, work etc. So, most people could still function in a society. That is no longer the case, and if we are parents don’t emphasize their social growth as well as academic etc, we are going to have some big problems on our hands.

I think the kid seems fine to me, bc he has activities, but I do also agree with this. And it’s seen to me at the high school level. Classes get harder, it’s pretty easy to get As in middle school. Grades slip, the kids have a lot of free time to hang with the kids who also have a lot of free time….grades slip, they play a lot of video games and often smoking pot is an appealing activity for this kid. My anxious high achiever daughter has a decent number of friends who fit this box and it’s sad to watch. I know a lot of their parents and they are the type to fold at every push back. I don’t think tiger parents are good either but keeping a kid from every discomfort is so bad for their development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t honestly see a problem with forcing activities. In our family, kids have to do some sport each season and 1 other activity, whatever they wish. The physical activity is really important to me. When these kids are adults, even more jobs will just be sitting. If they don’t like moving around, it will be a big problem!

How old are your kids? At some point, you can’t force. And the more you try, the more damage you might do to your relationship.

OP, just give your kid a few options, but if he declines, let it be. He will mature a lot in the next few years and new things will probably start to pique his interest.

My kids are old. 11 and 16. We had to force early so we no longer have to, because they like it. Early years were tough, because it is more fun and less effort to sit in front of the tv or iPad. I don’t think middle school is too late to push it. People who aren’t pushed outside their comfort zone will be in big trouble mentally in the future. In the past, someone who didn’t like to interact with people still had to go to the store, bank, work etc. So, most people could still function in a society. That is no longer the case, and if we are parents don’t emphasize their social growth as well as academic etc, we are going to have some big problems on our hands.

I think the kid seems fine to me, bc he has activities, but I do also agree with this. And it’s seen to me at the high school level. Classes get harder, it’s pretty easy to get As in middle school. Grades slip, the kids have a lot of free time to hang with the kids who also have a lot of free time….grades slip, they play a lot of video games and often smoking pot is an appealing activity for this kid. My anxious high achiever daughter has a decent number of friends who fit this box and it’s sad to watch. I know a lot of their parents and they are the type to fold at every push back. I don’t think tiger parents are good either but keeping a kid from every discomfort is so bad for their development. [/quote

Not all kids will have their grades slip, be video game addicts or trouble makers. Some kids great with managing free time, hanging out with friends, having fun and just being kids.

[Anonymous]

redquasar wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP when he turns down the activities you suggest, what reason does he give? Does he have friends? Does he spend time with them outside of school?

he'll usually state that he has no interest and it will be hard to get motivated for that. He does some recreational volleyball at the Y but not a sports guy which is fine. He does orchestra in school and played last year in a very high level county band, but just went through the motions; no zeal.

There is a pressure from colleges to be a "pointy' applicant which a unique passion. I disagree with that if it is forced and doesn't come from within. But turning down options at the buffet of opportunities before even trying them is tough.

My sons were like this. I explained to them that activities are necessary to get into college and that they would have to do some things in high school. I also said they had to start music in middle school and could quit it for high school in exchange for other electives.

Both ended up liking strings. So got 4 years of orchestra lined up. The younger one does a community orchestra also.

Then, I asked the older one to try theater/drama club, and he agreed to do lighting/crew. (My family goes to a lot of theater for fun.) He became crew head senior year. I also asked him to try Model UN, and that stuck. He became the president of that club senior year as well.

The younger one, I had to try twice but I got him hooked on robotics in 9th grade.

So, my advice is...don't push in middle school but let kids know why you are inquiring and that they will have to do something in high school. Shaping the path rather than pushing worked pretty well.

My younger one still complains about his busy schedule but he lacks perspective. He basically has 3 time flexible ECs (two of which are tied, and he can walk to them from school) and goes to tutoring in math 2 days a week. And the only thing he wants to quit is the tutoring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

redquasar wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP when he turns down the activities you suggest, what reason does he give? Does he have friends? Does he spend time with them outside of school?

he'll usually state that he has no interest and it will be hard to get motivated for that. He does some recreational volleyball at the Y but not a sports guy which is fine. He does orchestra in school and played last year in a very high level county band, but just went through the motions; no zeal.

There is a pressure from colleges to be a "pointy' applicant which a unique passion. I disagree with that if it is forced and doesn't come from within. But turning down options at the buffet of opportunities before even trying them is tough.

My sons were like this. I explained to them that activities are necessary to get into college and that they would have to do some things in high school. I also said they had to start music in middle school and could quit it for high school in exchange for other electives.

Both ended up liking strings. So got 4 years of orchestra lined up. The younger one does a community orchestra also.

Then, I asked the older one to try theater/drama club, and he agreed to do lighting/crew. (My family goes to a lot of theater for fun.) He became crew head senior year. I also asked him to try Model UN, and that stuck. He became the president of that club senior year as well.

The younger one, I had to try twice but I got him hooked on robotics in 9th grade.

So, my advice is...don't push in middle school but let kids know why you are inquiring and that they will have to do something in high school. Shaping the path rather than pushing worked pretty well.

My younger one still complains about his busy schedule but he lacks perspective. He basically has 3 time flexible ECs (two of which are tied, and he can walk to them from school) and goes to tutoring in math 2 days a week. And the only thing he wants to quit is the tutoring.

Your child is complaining about being too busy and you don't care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Best to accept it now, OP. You might just have a perfectly average kid, like most people.

He doesn't seem average at all. I would push for him to continue the orchestra since he seems to have been doing that for a while. Otherwise, let him be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

redquasar wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP when he turns down the activities you suggest, what reason does he give? Does he have friends? Does he spend time with them outside of school?

he'll usually state that he has no interest and it will be hard to get motivated for that. He does some recreational volleyball at the Y but not a sports guy which is fine. He does orchestra in school and played last year in a very high level county band, but just went through the motions; no zeal.

There is a pressure from colleges to be a "pointy' applicant which a unique passion. I disagree with that if it is forced and doesn't come from within. But turning down options at the buffet of opportunities before even trying them is tough.

My sons were like this. I explained to them that activities are necessary to get into college and that they would have to do some things in high school. I also said they had to start music in middle school and could quit it for high school in exchange for other electives.

Both ended up liking strings. So got 4 years of orchestra lined up. The younger one does a community orchestra also.

Then, I asked the older one to try theater/drama club, and he agreed to do lighting/crew. (My family goes to a lot of theater for fun.) He became crew head senior year. I also asked him to try Model UN, and that stuck. He became the president of that club senior year as well.

The younger one, I had to try twice but I got him hooked on robotics in 9th grade.

So, my advice is...don't push in middle school but let kids know why you are inquiring and that they will have to do something in high school. Shaping the path rather than pushing worked pretty well.

My younger one still complains about his busy schedule but he lacks perspective. He basically has 3 time flexible ECs (two of which are tied, and he can walk to them from school) and goes to tutoring in math 2 days a week. And the only thing he wants to quit is the tutoring.

Your child is complaining about being too busy and you don't care?

PP. No, I don't have sympathy, because he is 15, he spends all his spare time videogaming, and that's what he wants to do more of. And I allowed him unlimited videogaming in middle school to be sympathetic because his online friends were nicer than his in-school friends. In my view, he's not that busy. Also, as mentioned above, all his EC activities are his choice and he wants to continue. He wants to quit math tutoring which is 3 hours per week. And he gets his math homework done during that time. We have a plan to phase out tutoring if he keeps his math grade at an A and his standardized testing equals his brother's performance (he's actually better at math).

When I get busy at work, I don't expect complaining about it to get me any relief. Do you?

[Anonymous]

You're not gonna like this, but it might actually work try something like Dungeons and Dragons or Yugioh the card game. At least he will be hanging out... with nerds.

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with D&D.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have to start sports in ES.

Not necessarily…but, you do need to cultivate an attitude of being the type of person who will try new things. That’s the real skill to develop in your kids, not whatever skill the kiddie class is teaching.

OP’s kid probably won’t try things bc he’s nervous about not knowing ppl/not being good at new things.