Au Pair Parroting Racist/homophobic Comments

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a white Au pair from South Africa, who made some inappropriate racist comments. In my case, it helped me to remember that she was very young (19) with very little education (just high school) and VERY little life experience. So I started a dialog with her and tried to educate her - or at least give her understanding of race relations in the US.

I would take the same approach here. Imagine she’s your daughter, and instead of reprimanding her out the gate, consider whether she is just purely ignorant, and if you can help her learn and grow. Or at the very least, by calling her out, she’ll learn that those comments aren’t welcome in your home.

OP here. Thank you PP. I'm concerned that even calling out these comments won't stop them. (We can't police an au pair all the time.) It's also not that easy to essentially kick someone out of your house. Omg, am I fu***d.

This is what the au pair coordinator is for. And she can also have a talk with all of the au pairs at their monthly meeting. Call her! This is what they are there for! Former au pair coordinator

[Anonymous]

Get a grown up adult nanny. You get what you pay for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our last au pair abruptly left and we were really hoping to start fresh. Our new au pair quickly became attached to a new American boyfriend and, like plenty of young girls, the new au pair has taken on her new boyfriend's persona. "Scott says that hispanics are lazy and that no one is really gay, just promiscuous." Wtf? I haven’t heard her say things like this around my child (who would understand), but I'm concerned that this stupidity can affect my child, even subtly. I wouldn't tolerate this language from my child, but she's not my child and we're not even close. WWYD?

I’d respect her opinions/thoughts, just as she respects yours!! NOT your child and her personal/love life is non of your business-period. To make the assumption that she’s taking on a new ‘persona’ is your own personal believe. Would you like society to tolerate and respecte you and yours?? Start with yourself, simple as that.

Yes, racist, homophobs have a First Amendment right to tell you their opinions in YOUR house. Wtf did Trump do to this country?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our last au pair abruptly left and we were really hoping to start fresh. Our new au pair quickly became attached to a new American boyfriend and, like plenty of young girls, the new au pair has taken on her new boyfriend's persona. "Scott says that hispanics are lazy and that no one is really gay, just promiscuous." Wtf? I haven’t heard her say things like this around my child (who would understand), but I'm concerned that this stupidity can affect my child, even subtly. I wouldn't tolerate this language from my child, but she's not my child and we're not even close. WWYD?

I’d respect her opinions/thoughts, just as she respects yours!! NOT your child and her personal/love life is non of your business-period. To make the assumption that she’s taking on a new ‘persona’ is your own personal believe. Would you like society to tolerate and respecte you and yours?? Start with yourself, simple as that.

Racism is not an "opinion." That type of talk would not be tolerated in any other work place. I would 100% fire someone saying that BS around my kids. How is having this person say these things quality child care? GTFO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our last au pair abruptly left and we were really hoping to start fresh. Our new au pair quickly became attached to a new American boyfriend and, like plenty of young girls, the new au pair has taken on her new boyfriend's persona. "Scott says that hispanics are lazy and that no one is really gay, just promiscuous." Wtf? I haven’t heard her say things like this around my child (who would understand), but I'm concerned that this stupidity can affect my child, even subtly. I wouldn't tolerate this language from my child, but she's not my child and we're not even close. WWYD?

"Scott says" is not her "persona". It's her relaying what someone else said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a white Au pair from South Africa, who made some inappropriate racist comments. In my case, it helped me to remember that she was very young (19) with very little education (just high school) and VERY little life experience. So I started a dialog with her and tried to educate her - or at least give her understanding of race relations in the US.

I would take the same approach here. Imagine she’s your daughter, and instead of reprimanding her out the gate, consider whether she is just purely ignorant, and if you can help her learn and grow. Or at the very least, by calling her out, she’ll learn that those comments aren’t welcome in your home.

OP here. Thank you PP. I'm concerned that even calling out these comments won't stop them. (We can't police an au pair all the time.) It's also not that easy to essentially kick someone out of your house. Omg, am I fu***d.

It would be extremely easy for me to kick out a racist person from my house if they are spewing junk around my kids. The only reason you would be effed is if you have no spine to stand up to this.
+1 to 8:12

OP here. Thank you for your thoughts, seriously. But the problem is not my spine. When I was working, I was a litigator and I got into argument with federal prosecutors on a regularly basis and I stood up to federal court of appeals judges without blinking. The problem is having to go through the rigermoroo of having to find yet another au pair. Still don't know what to do, hmmm.

Rigmarole, BTW. Just in case you ever need to use it again. You know, for a legal document or something.

NP. Have to admit I've never seen that word in written form. Good to know.

[Anonymous]

OP are you not currently working? Then get her out ASAP

[Anonymous]

Have you considered bringing up some negative stereotypes of her country as an example of why "Hispanics are lazy" and "gay = promiscuous" aren't fair or acceptable? Your au pair can't read your mind - before rematching you owe it to yourself (to possibly prevent the search for a new au pair) and her to discuss your discomfort with these statements. Give her an opportunity to learn while you find out if she agrees with the boyfriend or is questioning those ideas herself.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why anyone does the au pair program. It seems clearly exploitative, at best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our last au pair abruptly left and we were really hoping to start fresh. Our new au pair quickly became attached to a new American boyfriend and, like plenty of young girls, the new au pair has taken on her new boyfriend's persona. "Scott says that hispanics are lazy and that no one is really gay, just promiscuous." Wtf? I haven’t heard her say things like this around my child (who would understand), but I'm concerned that this stupidity can affect my child, even subtly. I wouldn't tolerate this language from my child, but she's not my child and we're not even close. WWYD?

I’d respect her opinions/thoughts, just as she respects yours!! NOT your child and her personal/love life is non of your business-period. To make the assumption that she’s taking on a new ‘persona’ is your own personal believe. Would you like society to tolerate and respecte you and yours?? Start with yourself, simple as that.

Racism is not an "opinion." That type of talk would not be tolerated in any other work place. I would 100% fire someone saying that BS around my kids. How is having this person say these things quality child care? GTFO

It’s funny the amount of time this crazy mom has in hands….seems like if someone(in this case, the AP)disagrees with whatever beliefs you have, you’d fire the employee. Remember, you get what you pay for, APs are being abused by people like YOU-shame on you and GTFO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our last au pair abruptly left and we were really hoping to start fresh. Our new au pair quickly became attached to a new American boyfriend and, like plenty of young girls, the new au pair has taken on her new boyfriend's persona. "Scott says that hispanics are lazy and that no one is really gay, just promiscuous." Wtf? I haven’t heard her say things like this around my child (who would understand), but I'm concerned that this stupidity can affect my child, even subtly. I wouldn't tolerate this language from my child, but she's not my child and we're not even close. WWYD?

I’d respect her opinions/thoughts, just as she respects yours!! NOT your child and her personal/love life is non of your business-period. To make the assumption that she’s taking on a new ‘persona’ is your own personal believe. Would you like society to tolerate and respecte you and yours?? Start with yourself, simple as that.

Racism is not an "opinion." That type of talk would not be tolerated in any other work place. I would 100% fire someone saying that BS around my kids. How is having this person say these things quality child care? GTFO[/
HIRE A NANNY-oh wait you can’t afford it, you’re one of those that complain about anything and everything. Gotta PAY to play

[Anonymous]

I would not hire a racist to care for my kids. Of course, my kids are bi-racial, so the impacts are more obvious. At my workplace, I might have to content myself by agreeing to keep a racist employee as long as they remained silent. But part of the job of a childcare provider is to pass along your values and provide care in accordance with them. Unless you are willing to look the other way around racism (i.e. racist), I don't see how this is a tenable situation.

[Anonymous]

^^ I meant "unless you are a racist"

[Anonymous]

OP here, I essentially told her that she should STFU about these things around the children. She agreed ... I'll see how it goes. Thx 4 your thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a white Au pair from South Africa, who made some inappropriate racist comments. In my case, it helped me to remember that she was very young (19) with very little education (just high school) and VERY little life experience. So I started a dialog with her and tried to educate her - or at least give her understanding of race relations in the US.

I would take the same approach here. Imagine she’s your daughter, and instead of reprimanding her out the gate, consider whether she is just purely ignorant, and if you can help her learn and grow. Or at the very least, by calling her out, she’ll learn that those comments aren’t welcome in your home.

OP here. Thank you PP. I'm concerned that even calling out these comments won't stop them. (We can't police an au pair all the time.) It's also not that easy to essentially kick someone out of your house. Omg, am I fu***d.

It would be extremely easy for me to kick out a racist person from my house if they are spewing junk around my kids. The only reason you would be effed is if you have no spine to stand up to this.
+1 to 8:12

No. Do you have any idea how much time it will take op to get a replacement and if both parents are working full time what do they do in the interim. Stop playing and be real. Her real concern is the amount of work and time it will take to get someone else in. I would contact the agency, if one was involved in the au pair's hiring, and start looking immediately.