Teen girl horrible behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok went over patterns. It is… blood sugar crash! It’s every time she has just a donut or chocolate muffin for breakfast. Literally. And yes just 2 percent even with me. It just seems extreme but the pattern is very helpful. I guess that plus hormones is the winner here.

I’m sorry but stealing car keys and locking you out of the house is more than just a “sugar crash.”

This, as is physical intimidation like blocking your path.

Is there another parent in the home or mix, OP?

Any history of mental illness on either side - bipolar, ADHD, for ex., or addiction, alcoholism, frequent job loss?

You should not keep sugary processed food in your home.

Gather information and I'd have her evaluated by a psychiatrist. These extreme behaviors are more than talk therapy. Did you experience DV or abuse as a child yourself such that you have difficulty setting boundaries with her, OP? Did she witness coercive control in the home and is repeating that pattern? What you describe, locking you out of the home, blocking your path, etc. is VERY serious. That you posted, oh, donuts makes me suspect you are in denial, repeating patterns yourself or a troll.

To the extent that this may be a mood disorder, this book by a psychiatrist may be helpful.
https://www.amazon.com/Change-Your-Diet-Mind-Powerful/

To the extent that either of you is recreating trauma, you need a psychologist with DV expertise. She also needs a psych eval, if a boyfriend did the same thing, no one would be trivializing it. Don't enable abuse, OP. Not healthy for you or for her to feel this unnatural power in the home as a teen. If you are not a troll this needs to be addressed with urgency.

How are her relationships with sibs and peers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s horrifying. My son did these things. Mental health issues, and it will escalate if you do nothing. GET HELP now.
Even if you just call Crisis Intervention. This is abuse.

No, it’s not abuse. For heaven’s sake.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]I hope she doesn’t lock you out without your car keys or phone in extreme heat or cold.[/quote]

Well this is dramatic. Unless OP lives in a very rural area where it gets extremely hot or extremely cold, you’re just looking for ways to make this a crisis.

[Anonymous]

If you post on the SN forum, there are a bunch of us that notice significant effects on ADHD with diet. Impulse control and mood significantly worse if child does not have protein. A higher protein, high fiber diet was extremely helpful in mitigating the effects of ADHD — basically as important as the medication. My kid is a teen now and I notice this less than I did when kid was a preschooler and ES, but, anecdotally, many parents of kids with ADHD (not all) notice a huge difference with protein intake.
I spent years when mine was a kid avoiding things like food dye and such because some people said food dyes made a difference, but it really didn’t (at least for us).
I would guess your DD has an underlying issue, maybe ADHD, but the food issue may be aggravating it.

[Anonymous]

This is not sugar related. I feel like I’m in an alternate universe.

This is borderline personality or some other disorder. So to a psychiatrist now OP. It will get worse

[Anonymous]

My son when he is hangry is irrational. He gets angry, irrational, throws things, can’t focus, won’t eat except for the one thing that he decides he needs but we don’t have. I pretty much have to force him to eat anything then he calms down and is remorseful. Just hear to say you’re not alone.

[Anonymous]

It's possible that a blood sugar crash combined with poor emotional regulation skills and lack of impulse control results in these outbursts. It doesn't have to be some woo medical thing or BPD or abuse so much as a combination of circumstances. You can't medicate BPD specifically, but she could learn better emotional regulation and communication skills. You didn't say what age of teen, but honestly at all ends of the teen spectrum, there are a lot of big feelings and never quite enough emotional regulation. It's part of the development, but in some kids, it can get really toxic like this or dangerous as with self-harm, substance use, etc. Sometimes it's a parent/child relationship problem in which y'all need to learn better parenting strategies for her and communicate with her more effectively.

Either way, I agree that getting her some kind of mental health help would be good, especially since you say she's remorseful. I don't know that a psychiatrist is going to be better for this situation than a good psychologist or clinical social worker, so I'd probably start with one of those.

[Anonymous]

It could be hormonal. I suffered from PMDD and I wouldn't get moody or teary, I got intense rage every month that I felt terrible for afterwards. Chart the incidents and see if there is a pattern.

[Anonymous]

It very well could be tied to hormones and a sugar crash WITH a component of emotional regulation issues. The hormones or crash may cause the initial spiral, but the regulation is what causes it to get out of control. A therapist is a good place to start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It very well could be tied to hormones and a sugar crash WITH a component of emotional regulation issues. The hormones or crash may cause the initial spiral, but the regulation is what causes it to get out of control. A therapist is a good place to start.

Also, after she has one of these episodes, once she is calm,, see if she can journal how she felt before during, and after. It may help her figure out what's triggering her into these 2% episodes.

Also, I'm curious why she doesn't want a phone. It very well could have to do with impulse control issues as well.

[Anonymous]

OP - I'm with you. It absolutely can be brought on from food/sugar. The stuff in our junk foods are horrible. European and Asian countries ban a lot of the stuff we still give our kids so if your kid is sensitive like my DD, could well have averse effects.

It's important to deem if her actions are violent and beyond the norm controlling however. Aggression comes in different forms and only you can judge the severity. It could be a combo of hormones and food sensitivity with some underlying personality and mental issues or not.

But I'm here to tell you that my DD was impacted strictly by food. She also is on the shy side and it made her more anxious when she has sugar rushes but she didn't need an all out psych or psychologist to treat. Also increasing probiotics will help. We did bagels and probiotic cream cheese for example. Yogurt is another good one. Specific food colorings are bad and skittles is the worst candy you can have. Only the US allows it!

[Anonymous]

I agree Skittles are horrible. You never know what candy kids get at school.

She is trying to have power over you, but it could be WAY worse. If she's only doing it 2% of the time, that's pretty good and she was remorseful. I wonder if she has ADHD, is on the spectrum, is being bullied or ignored at school, or what your marriage or home life is like. What kind of relationship do you and she have with her father? You can get a second set of keys so that if you are locked out, you will not really be locked out, or keep your keys on you at all times. Is she angry you are on your phone a lot? Is that why she doesn't want a phone? She needs to learn that you are in charge. Teens test their limits and are learning to be independent but this is not the way to do it. Even if she plays tricks on you like this, you have to be smarter than she is. I would brainstorm reasons why she is angry at you and what is motivating her to act this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s horrifying. My son did these things. Mental health issues, and it will escalate if you do nothing. GET HELP now.
Even if you just call Crisis Intervention. This is abuse.

No, it’s not abuse. For heaven’s sake.

Not PP but it's most definitely abusive. A child can abuse their parent, didn't you know that?

OP, you seem to be in denial, but you really need to get this child a psychological evaluation (Stixrud or any of the private practices in the area). She might have a borderline personality disorder. Please understand that while it is crystal clear she has a serious diagnosis, psychologists might not agree on what it is. My best friend's sister has been diagnosed, over the years and by different psychs, with borderline personality disorder (which my friend thinks is the correct diagnosis), bipolar disorder, major depression, and anxiety. Maybe some of the others exist and are co-morbid, but apparently the criteria she fits best is the BPD. There is no cure, which is really sad for the patient and their entourage. My friend has been forced to distance herself due to her sister's verbal and psychological abuse. Her sister struggled with drug addiction for a portion of her life, as a self-medication practice, and cannot have a constructive long-term relationship, let alone be the parent of kids.

So brace yourself.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I hope she doesn’t lock you out without your car keys or phone in extreme heat or cold.[/quote]

Well this is dramatic. Unless OP lives in a very rural area where it gets extremely hot or extremely cold, you’re just looking for ways to make this a crisis.[/quote]

DC area occasionally gets very hot or very cold. It’s not dramatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does Crisis Intervention do?

They can give advice, listen, suggest solutions, help you find resources and treatment. Free, 24 hours a day.

Hahahahah spoken like someone who has never called crisis intervention. If you're not in a true crisis, they will not come. And if they agree that you're in crisis, it will take them 45+ minutes to show up.