What happens after graduation if they don't go to college?

[Anonymous]

Lots of different plans out there. I know someone who became a flight attendant out of high school. Never did college but is now a pilot making a good living...and flipped some houses on the side which created even more wealth.

Health care is another area where you can start with a short course training (phlebotomy, CNA, EMT etc.) and figure out what's involved with other roles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of different plans out there. I know someone who became a flight attendant out of high school. Never did college but is now a pilot making a good living...and flipped some houses on the side which created even more wealth.

Health care is another area where you can start with a short course training (phlebotomy, CNA, EMT etc.) and figure out what's involved with other roles.

Uh, no, flight attendants don't become pilots (without $1MM + in training). And CNAs are living close to the poverty line.

[Anonymous]

I know someone who moved out of the parent's home and moved to the town where her parents had a summer home and was basically a caretaker for various people's summer houses. She dated and married a local who was also in the service industry. In addition to the caretaker job, she was also a waitress and eventually part-owner of the town diner. After her kids went to college, she felt the spark of interest in higher ed finally and really made the most of that college education.
I think she probably would have been a really bad college student if she went straight from high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd call it a gap year. Chances are, once all of her friends leave to go off to school, she'll change her mind and make some plans.

No, a gap year is usually time filled with purpose and some form of intention about what one will get out of that time and experience. The English are really big on gap years and there are programs for this in-between time. That way, they go to college knowing pretty much what they are going to study (higher ed is usually 3 years there, none of this freshman fluff classes we have here).

Without a purpose, just working and getting by is called "taking a year off".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is her reasoning? What does she say she wants to do instead of college?

What about a gap year program?

+1

And what does the other parent say or do here.

Your kid needs a sensible plan. Not
No plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Therapy. Something deeper is going on.

If she had a specific other interest (want to do X instead of college), fine. Otherwise I would be helicoptering like crazy on this.

Agree

Bad influence friend or SO
Untreated mental disorders
Significant anxiety or depression
Extreme perfectionism or fear of “failure”
Bad Internet influencers or college scare tactics
Drugs
Despair
Lack of goals, Lack of community, Lack of belonging to something bigger than onself

[Anonymous]

It’s hard to tell what’s going on here. Seems like OP’s daughter has no plan and is just completely full of baloney and probably yanking OP’s chain—which is working beautifully.

[Anonymous]

One of mine did 3 semesters before on-line only classes. He passed. Worked a couple jobs then got into a personal sales thing getting people to sign up to go hear about timeshares. It was a silly thing, but good sales experience and okay money.

Then he got offered a summer job pulling wire on a building project. Still did time share sales until the construction company offered him a job. He is on year 3 now. Makes decent money $33 an hour plus about 10 overtime hours a week and small bonuses for bring his own leadership projects in on budget.

Things slow down in winter so he is taking classes to finish his undergrad (slowly). He needs to decide if he is going to stay in building trades and if so - get his journeyman electrician certification.

[Anonymous]

Some kind of job training is imperative. Working at the mall for $20/hour won’t lend itself toward independence. There is training in health care fields (x ray or mammogram tech). Or, I recently had a female air conditioning tech for scheduled maintenance. I also have had a female tech from the water company changing a service meter. These positions have been traditionally male oriented, but lots of opportunity.

[Anonymous]

You help your kid get a job or let them suffer a year or two until they change their mind about college. If you help them get a job you may have to show them how to do what you do, pay for an online coding camp or otherwise help them launch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a kid who is college material but didn't want to go:

I would continue to provide room and board as long as she was a good "roommate"-- cleaning up after herself, helpful, etc.

I would encourage but not require community college classes.

I would require a job, either PT with community college or FT without.

I would

I would not treat a decision not to go immediately to college as something that requires "tough love" or punishment. The idea that a kid gets kicked out of the house at high school graduation because they don't want to go away to college? Ridiculous. And also bullsh*t. Some of you love to pretend you're so tough.

I agree with you. I think it would be a good idea to have her working starting now so that she’s saving up money and knows what it’s like.

I had my little freak out my senior year and ended up staying home and going to a commuter college. Not a traditional experience, but I still got a degree. She may be open to something like that as time goes on. There usually aren’t firm deadlines for community college so she can change her mind a few few days before If she wants

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her feelings may change by next year so don't panic now. If she doesn't go to college, she needs to work full time. Charge her rent so she has to work. Raise the rent each year. See where you are a year after she graduates HS.

I worked full time and after half a year also started going to community college part time.

If you want you can set aside her rent so that she can afford to move out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Encourage, don't drug.

I don't have a high school diploma and make 750-900/year.

The vast majority of people with only a HS diploma are barely making ends meet. The kid either needs a degree or a trade. I wouldn't want to be on the hook for financially supporting a child forever who was capable of doing what they needed to do to support themselves but chose not to.

+ 1. Congratulations to you PP but your experience is in no way representative.

[Anonymous]

I think you have to figure out where she sees herself. Where you go from here depends on that answer.

Most of us think/thought our kids would go to college and had to readjust. For us, oldest decided on trade school, living at home. Middle kid developed mental health issues (during first semester of 11th grade, which per his doctors is a really common time for onset). Third will go but is now considering going local and living at home.

FWIW, we required our kids to get jobs while not in school and we discontinued paying for their lifestyle. They can live at home and eat what we buy. And the rest is on them - cars, insurance, gas, food beyond what we buy, clothes, activities, Ubers . . . The middle one, who is a part time student, also has to pay his own way.

As for making them leave, we see no reason right now. But when the middle one had a mental health crisis that made him a danger to us, we did have to go down that road. What we learned is this. If they won’t go voluntarily you have to evict them, which takes going to court and about a five month wait. During that period, we had to get a protective order.

Last thing I’ll say is this. I think figuring out your future is tough for high school kids and trying on different ideas is pretty healthy. It’s a really fluid time and you have to go with the flow. Don’t get ahead of yourself. And eleventh grade is a really tough year.

[Anonymous]

My only experience with this is with a sibling who had a huge falling out with our parents. He moved out and was self-supporting immediately more or less. I wouldn’t force a kid to go to college or move out immediately but I probably would tell them they need to be working full time within a month or two of graduation.