Just found out my ex is trans

[Anonymous]

This is not about you. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

It's a lot easier to transition than it was 20 years ago. I'm sure a lot more people will be coming out in the next few years. I know a trans guy that's in his late 50's that started testosterone earlier this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are people coming down on OP so hard? she's allowed to have mixed feelings about someone she was involved with changing genders. It's a normal part of processing massive change

WTF massive change from someone decades ago in another state?
Who cares.

It’s just high school gossip, 10-20 years later. Nothing to think about or post about. It’s not even interesting.

Get a life Op. your own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my dating years, most of the cis people who had crushes on me turned out to be homosexual. Does that make me trans in denial?

Makes you one those weirdos who stalk their exes or never moved out of their little bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only confirmed trans adult I've known was a coworker.

He was an ex-Navy MBA who looked like a shorter, stockier Richard Gere. Married with kid. Not effeminate in any way

Got divorced, announced trans. Kind of to the degree of Tootsie. Started dating/living with a woman born a woman.

We lost touch at that point.

Based on this, I see no reason to question your old broken-up relationship. Kris Jenner has the right to have some feels.

Oh hey, are there a lot of these or did we work at the same place? I only knew her, not him though I heard some stories from her of 'before'.

She used to drive me nuts in meetings with behaviour that I've never seen AFAB women do in that business if they want to be taken seriously--twirling her hair around her finger, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend just let me know that my college boyfriend came out as trans. Mind you, this is someone I dated 20+ years ago but I’m a bit in shock. I myself am bi, so maybe this makes sense, but he never struck me as effeminate in any way.

Has anyone else btdt? How do I process this?

(I’m happily married and that relationship ended really poorly, but it was my first serious relationship and I’m just in shock right now)

How does this affect you in any way, shape or form? Why are you making your ex’s news all about yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you have to process? It doesn’t affect you. It was somebody you knew 20 years ago. Are usually this self-centered?

Oh come on. Are you really this stupid? Or are you being deliberately obtuse so you can be mean?

Nope, just not self-centered enough to make this about me when somebody who I knew 20 years ago goes through a life change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gender dysphoria at a late age is extremely unusual, made even more so because OP had a relationship with this guy.

There are many middle aged men who come out as trans mid-life. Many of them appear to be very masculine, had military careers, long marriages with children, etc. AGP is a very powerful motivator.

This is what happened in my marriage. My husband didn’t disclose anything prior to getting married. He was masculine and started off his career in the military. I discovered later into the marriage he was secretly cross dressing. He has no desire to transition now because of our family but still struggles with gender issues. He admits it is all due to autogynephilia (agp) which is a paraphilia. It takes root when they are younger and unfortunately never goes away often times intensifying with age. Most activists pretend it isn’t a real thing but I assure you it very much is. It took him a while to admit this to himself because of the deep shame and embarrassment. It’s a horrible situation for wives to be put in.

So, did your ex transition? You kind of left out the important bit.

No he has not transitioned and does not have a desire to do so at this point in his life. He knows it wouldn’t be fair to me or the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only confirmed trans adult I've known was a coworker.

He was an ex-Navy MBA who looked like a shorter, stockier Richard Gere. Married with kid. Not effeminate in any way

Got divorced, announced trans. Kind of to the degree of Tootsie. Started dating/living with a woman born a woman.

We lost touch at that point.

Based on this, I see no reason to question your old broken-up relationship. Kris Jenner has the right to have some feels.

+1 I knew someone professionally who transitioned at mid-life with a similar profile. It wasn't really my business to know the whole story as I was not a close friend or family member nor is it Op's business if she hasn't had contact with this person recently.

I did bring this person up to my nephew who has bought into this alpha male non-sense. Humans are complex. People who appear alpha may have a lot of inner turmoil. People who appear beta may be perfectly content. I bring this up to say that OP doesn't really need to insert herself however minimally into a person's transition or psychoanalyze them based off old information from 20 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friend just let me know that my college boyfriend came out as trans. Mind you, this is someone I dated 20+ years ago but I’m a bit in shock. I myself am bi, so maybe this makes sense, but he never struck me as effeminate in any way.

Has anyone else btdt? How do I process this?

(I’m happily married and that relationship ended really poorly, but it was my first serious relationship and I’m just in shock right now)

How does this affect you in any way, shape or form? Why are you making your ex’s news all about yourself?

Some people make everything about themselves.

[Anonymous]

OP: are you a handsome woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend just let me know that my college boyfriend came out as trans. Mind you, this is someone I dated 20+ years ago but I’m a bit in shock. I myself am bi, so maybe this makes sense, but he never struck me as effeminate in any way.

Has anyone else btdt? How do I process this?

(I’m happily married and that relationship ended really poorly, but it was my first serious relationship and I’m just in shock right now)

Why do you need to process this? Are you still in contact? This is not about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you have to process? It doesn’t affect you. It was somebody you knew 20 years ago. Are usually this self-centered?

+1 it is what it is
FWIW my ex became trans a few years after dating me, and her name is the diminutive of my name. So she's Katie to my Katherine. Every year or so we get lunch, and we do a Grey Gardens bit where she's my Little Edie. She's still the same weirdo I dated all those years ago.

Please make a buddy moving starring Luke Wilson as the ex and the actress of your choice as you.

I'm team 'hmmph'. Mildly interesting, would make me think about if I say any signs of their unhappiness with their gender, but wouldn't need to spend a lot of time processing.

I've known a few 'Tootsie' types who become female gender but don't seem to work hard at being very feminine in movements/walk/appearance/voice. I think about that more as I don't understand, but they are definitely cool/nice people and much happier.

Will Ferrell has a buddy movie documentary coming out about him and his newly trans friebd, who was a writer on SNL, on a road trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend just let me know that my college boyfriend came out as trans. Mind you, this is someone I dated 20+ years ago but I’m a bit in shock. I myself am bi, so maybe this makes sense, but he never struck me as effeminate in any way.

Has anyone else btdt? How do I process this?

(I’m happily married and that relationship ended really poorly, but it was my first serious relationship and I’m just in shock right now)

Effeminate?!
What makes you so misogynistic/ anti-feminist that you automatically assume that a defining characteristic of womanhood is “displaying feminine” traits or “acting effeminate”? Seems like if this is a requirement of identifying as trans, then we’ve taken a giant step backward, no?
How is that not just leaning into stereotypes that feminist women have been fighting against for years??
Being a trans woman is not “play-acting” as a woman by walking with in heels with a limp wrist and a cute little head tilt.
Please do a little reflection and educate yourself, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you have to process? It doesn’t affect you. It was somebody you knew 20 years ago. Are usually this self-centered?

+1 I can’t imagine finding anything to ‘process’ about a relationship I had with some 20 years ago unless it came to light he was a mass murder or some other horrific criminal while I knew him.

Weird exception since his becoming a mass murderer or criminal *also* would be 100% NOT about you….
So again—why is this something that OP needs to process? It isn’t about her and doesn’t impact her. It’s gossip about someone she used to know, and she finds it curious and titillating….but it literally has no impact on her at all.