Just found out my ex is trans

[Anonymous]

My best friend just let me know that my college boyfriend came out as trans. Mind you, this is someone I dated 20+ years ago but I’m a bit in shock. I myself am bi, so maybe this makes sense, but he never struck me as effeminate in any way.

Has anyone else btdt? How do I process this?

(I’m happily married and that relationship ended really poorly, but it was my first serious relationship and I’m just in shock right now)

[Anonymous]

Not sure how what he's doing now is relevant to how he was 20+ years ago.

[Anonymous]

The only confirmed trans adult I've known was a coworker.

He was an ex-Navy MBA who looked like a shorter, stockier Richard Gere. Married with kid. Not effeminate in any way

Got divorced, announced trans. Kind of to the degree of Tootsie. Started dating/living with a woman born a woman.

We lost touch at that point.

Based on this, I see no reason to question your old broken-up relationship. Kris Jenner has the right to have some feels.

[Anonymous]

What do you have to process? It doesn’t affect you. It was somebody you knew 20 years ago. Are usually this self-centered?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you have to process? It doesn’t affect you. It was somebody you knew 20 years ago. Are usually this self-centered?

+1 it is what it is
FWIW my ex became trans a few years after dating me, and her name is the diminutive of my name. So she's Katie to my Katherine. Every year or so we get lunch, and we do a Grey Gardens bit where she's my Little Edie. She's still the same weirdo I dated all those years ago.

[Anonymous]

Are you questioning whether any part of your relationship with him contributed to this change? Or whether his doubts contributed to the failure of your relationship?

Who knows, OP. I once dated a man in college who I strongly suspect was homosexual by preference. He was really nice and funny and said he loved him and wanted to marry me. But there were some red flags. I ended it, but years later I still cherish the fun times we had together.

[Anonymous]

It’s no big deal. I dated someone 15 years ago who is they/them now. Still wonderful human, as far as I can tell

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you have to process? It doesn’t affect you. It was somebody you knew 20 years ago. Are usually this self-centered?

This

[Anonymous]

Seems like not your business.

[Anonymous]

Why do YOU feel like this effects YOU?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you have to process? It doesn’t affect you. It was somebody you knew 20 years ago. Are usually this self-centered?

+1 I can’t imagine finding anything to ‘process’ about a relationship I had with some 20 years ago unless it came to light he was a mass murder or some other horrific criminal while I knew him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you have to process? It doesn’t affect you. It was somebody you knew 20 years ago. Are usually this self-centered?

Exactly

[Anonymous]

Strange.

[Anonymous]

They might not have realized it then. It’s nbd…minus being outed which wasn’t cool. Maybe the ended poorly part is what’s really bothering you. Being reminded of someone you had left in your past.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing for you to do. Just live your life.