Mismatched schedules for friends

[Anonymous]

For my kids, the chance to see friends from school means a lot to them, during the school year but also especially over the summer. I do try hard to make it happen for them. I have two kids but they are different genders and several years apart in age (not intentional…had a life threatening illness in between) and they do play together but it’s a very different experience than playing with same age friends who have the same interests. We try to keep at least one day clear per week and as much of the weekend free as possible. They like their activities but hate being dragged around to the other one’s so we all agree there need to be limits. If we can get a better carpool going for sports they can do more. There’s no chance we will be able to carpool for dance and gymnastics, it just isn’t going to happen.

Anyway all that to say, even with making a big effort it’s still hard. We saw the people who were available this summer, not necessarily my kids best friends. To some extent that’s what will happen during the school year too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have three kids. One in a different school 20 minutes away. These are all choices you made, not sure what you were expecting.

.+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For my kids, the chance to see friends from school means a lot to them, during the school year but also especially over the summer. I do try hard to make it happen for them. I have two kids but they are different genders and several years apart in age (not intentional…had a life threatening illness in between) and they do play together but it’s a very different experience than playing with same age friends who have the same interests. We try to keep at least one day clear per week and as much of the weekend free as possible. They like their activities but hate being dragged around to the other one’s so we all agree there need to be limits. If we can get a better carpool going for sports they can do more. There’s no chance we will be able to carpool for dance and gymnastics, it just isn’t going to happen.

Anyway all that to say, even with making a big effort it’s still hard. We saw the people who were available this summer, not necessarily my kids best friends. To some extent that’s what will happen during the school year too.

I know in DCUM land having kids more than 3 years apart is an unforgivable sin, but in the wide world it's perfectly ok to intentionally space out your births and you don't have to justify it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One suggestion I have is to coordinate camps and activities with the friends your kids want to hangout with over the summer. We coordinated most of our camps and it cut the drop off/pickup in half. Obviously we couldn't coordinate every week because of vacations and other obligations but it simplified things a lot.

Op here. When I only had 2 kids or when older kids were younger, we signed up for camps and sports together. This was easier when I only had one kid in an activity and could just follow a friend in some beginner class. As the kids got older, the boys seem to specialize more. No one plays rec anymore. Everyone seems to be focused on soccer or baseball or tennis including my own kids.

We usually go away the last weeks of August but positioned our vacations differently this year. I don’t think we were so off with everyone in previous summers. Or maybe everyone is just busier including our family. We were out of town 5 weeks.

Is this some sort of humble brag troll?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One suggestion I have is to coordinate camps and activities with the friends your kids want to hangout with over the summer. We coordinated most of our camps and it cut the drop off/pickup in half. Obviously we couldn't coordinate every week because of vacations and other obligations but it simplified things a lot.

Op here. When I only had 2 kids or when older kids were younger, we signed up for camps and sports together. This was easier when I only had one kid in an activity and could just follow a friend in some beginner class. As the kids got older, the boys seem to specialize more. No one plays rec anymore. Everyone seems to be focused on soccer or baseball or tennis including my own kids.

We usually go away the last weeks of August but positioned our vacations differently this year. I don’t think we were so off with everyone in previous summers. Or maybe everyone is just busier including our family. We were out of town 5 weeks.

Is this some sort of humble brag troll?

That is typical for us, but not all at once. WFH jobs make it easier, obv.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One suggestion I have is to coordinate camps and activities with the friends your kids want to hangout with over the summer. We coordinated most of our camps and it cut the drop off/pickup in half. Obviously we couldn't coordinate every week because of vacations and other obligations but it simplified things a lot.

Op here. When I only had 2 kids or when older kids were younger, we signed up for camps and sports together. This was easier when I only had one kid in an activity and could just follow a friend in some beginner class. As the kids got older, the boys seem to specialize more. No one plays rec anymore. Everyone seems to be focused on soccer or baseball or tennis including my own kids.

We usually go away the last weeks of August but positioned our vacations differently this year. I don’t think we were so off with everyone in previous summers. Or maybe everyone is just busier including our family. We were out of town 5 weeks.

Is this some sort of humble brag troll?

That is typical for us, but not all at once. WFH jobs make it easier, obv.

OP is gone half the summer. So its kind of weird that she is complaining that her kids friends are busy the weeks she happens to be in town.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why everybody is bashing the OP. Free, unstructured time is good for kids and teens. It's very hard when your kids want that and it's becoming harder and harder to happen. Kids are way too busy these days, maybe even the OPs kids as well.

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP. This past summer had me wishing we lived in a neighborhood. I sent my girls to sleepaway camp for a month, thinking that they (like I did) would adore it and beg to go back for even longer, but they didn't have a great time. I did not grow up in a neighborhood either, so camp is where I had that unstructured, outside time with peers all summer. I'm bummed that they won't have kids to run around with, and will either just be home by themselves or getting shuttled from day camp to day camp. I've thought about getting a pool membership, because they can be there independently at their ages, but the pool doesn't open until noon, so I'm not sure how to finagle that with my work schedule.

[Anonymous]

OP, you've overscheduled your children. What else did you expect to happen? YOU are the one who is not available. You solve the problem by making yourself and your kids more available. You free up time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've overscheduled your children. What else did you expect to happen? YOU are the one who is not available. You solve the problem by making yourself and your kids more available. You free up time.

I feel like so many ppl overschedule their kids and teebs anymore. Idk why, it seems that parents think that organized and structured is a better way to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've overscheduled your children. What else did you expect to happen? YOU are the one who is not available. You solve the problem by making yourself and your kids more available. You free up time.

This is so true. I used to host playdates every week because I would hold days empty or move our activities, from grades K-4. Sometimes they would be very short between activities or for lunch on a weekend but it happens often enough the kids plan for it. I can't host this year so we will see how things go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why everybody is bashing the OP. Free, unstructured time is good for kids and teens. It's very hard when your kids want that and it's becoming harder and harder to happen. Kids are way too busy these days, maybe even the OPs kids as well.

Then OP should make more free unstructured time in her schedule so that her children can play together in a free and unstructured manner. Even if every other child in the world were over scheduled in sports, music, heritage language classes, and tutoring, her own children would be free to play together on lazy weekends and afternoons. That is the whole point of having 2+ children. Built-in playmates whenever you want.

OP is probably stewing because she thinks other people are hanging out without her and her kids, or because she doesn't have friends outside of the parents of her kids' friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've overscheduled your children. What else did you expect to happen? YOU are the one who is not available. You solve the problem by making yourself and your kids more available. You free up time.

I feel like so many ppl overschedule their kids and teebs anymore. Idk why, it seems that parents think that organized and structured is a better way to go.

The non-school classes and activities are how kids make friends anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've overscheduled your children. What else did you expect to happen? YOU are the one who is not available. You solve the problem by making yourself and your kids more available. You free up time.

I feel like so many ppl overschedule their kids and teebs anymore. Idk why, it seems that parents think that organized and structured is a better way to go.

The non-school classes and activities are how kids make friends anymore.

That's such a shame for kids anymore

[Anonymous]

This is a known downside of any neighborhood with large lots too. Long private drives, etc. They just tend to be less social.