Mismatched schedules for friends

[Anonymous]

If you do multiple sports, then you don't have socialization time. We don't do any team sports (swim team in summer only) and have plenty of after school playdates and just hanging out. I prioritize music, academics and free play- creative pursuits over team sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids and it feels like we are just off schedule with everyone else. We traveled for half the summer. When we were back, other kids were in camps or also traveling. If we reach out to plan something, parents will say they are unavailable.

When school starts, I know scheduling won’t get any easier since everyone is so busy. My kids all play multiple sports. Even if one kid is free, we may be in the car driving sibling(s) to practice or to a game.

Anyone else feel like it is hard to plan a play date?

I have one kid starting private school 20 min away and I’m sure it is going to be that much worse since now his classmates will be scattered around the DMV.

Why are playdates so important? Your kids see their school friends in school 30+ hours a week. Are you afraid that other kids are hanging out together without your kids? You may need to sit down for this, but yeah, that is happening. So what? Your family prioritizes sports. You can't have it all. Private school kids tend not see each other outside school as much as public school kids do, and that is just part of the private school experience. Again, you priortized something else, so you need to make peace with your choice and let go of all this anxiety around what other people are doing without you.

Just because kids see their friends or might see their friends at school 30 hrs a week doesn't mean it's good socialization. Socializing at school or other activities is a good thing, another type of socializing. But, it should not replace good old fashioned unstructured, unorganized free play/ hang out time. Something that kids/teens today are sorely missing

Socializing at school isn't "good" socialization? LOL the level of anxiety regarding these insignificant details of how/when/where your children socialize in insane. OP, you chose a highly structured schedule. That means much less unstructured time. If you want more unstructured socialization then ditch all the organized sports and hang out with other families who ditched organized sports in order to have more unstructured leisure time.

You cannot have every single thing on your List of Things That Constitute a Perfect Childhood.

I'm not the OP, but socializing at school is fine, but it's not enough. Kids only have recess and lunch to truly socialize with friends. And those times are dwindling, some schools even ditch recess. Even if kids have recess, once adults deem kids " too old" for recess there is even less socializing time at school.

Most people, including children, need alone time. Some parents are caught up in an imaginary competition for social dominance and feel like their kids need to have weekly playdates with children who aren't their siblings, whether or not their kids actually want to socialize outside of school on top of everything else they are scheduled for.

And what is wrong with playing with siblings at home? That's the whole point of having more than one. Just chill and let your kids relax between school and activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids and it feels like we are just off schedule with everyone else. We traveled for half the summer. When we were back, other kids were in camps or also traveling. If we reach out to plan something, parents will say they are unavailable.

When school starts, I know scheduling won’t get any easier since everyone is so busy. My kids all play multiple sports. Even if one kid is free, we may be in the car driving sibling(s) to practice or to a game.

Anyone else feel like it is hard to plan a play date?

I have one kid starting private school 20 min away and I’m sure it is going to be that much worse since now his classmates will be scattered around the DMV.

Why are playdates so important? Your kids see their school friends in school 30+ hours a week. Are you afraid that other kids are hanging out together without your kids? You may need to sit down for this, but yeah, that is happening. So what? Your family prioritizes sports. You can't have it all. Private school kids tend not see each other outside school as much as public school kids do, and that is just part of the private school experience. Again, you priortized something else, so you need to make peace with your choice and let go of all this anxiety around what other people are doing without you.

Just because kids see their friends or might see their friends at school 30 hrs a week doesn't mean it's good socialization. Socializing at school or other activities is a good thing, another type of socializing. But, it should not replace good old fashioned unstructured, unorganized free play/ hang out time. Something that kids/teens today are sorely missing

Socializing at school isn't "good" socialization? LOL the level of anxiety regarding these insignificant details of how/when/where your children socialize in insane. OP, you chose a highly structured schedule. That means much less unstructured time. If you want more unstructured socialization then ditch all the organized sports and hang out with other families who ditched organized sports in order to have more unstructured leisure time.

You cannot have every single thing on your List of Things That Constitute a Perfect Childhood.

I'm not the OP, but socializing at school is fine, but it's not enough. Kids only have recess and lunch to truly socialize with friends. And those times are dwindling, some schools even ditch recess. Even if kids have recess, once adults deem kids " too old" for recess there is even less socializing time at school.

Most people, including children, need alone time. Some parents are caught up in an imaginary competition for social dominance and feel like their kids need to have weekly playdates with children who aren't their siblings, whether or not their kids actually want to socialize outside of school on top of everything else they are scheduled for.

And what is wrong with playing with siblings at home? That's the whole point of having more than one. Just chill and let your kids relax between school and activities.

There is nothing wrong with alone time or playing with siblings, my kids do both. We don't do many activities or playdates. I do think if your kids don't want to see their friends outside of school be aide they're stressed or to tired then it's time to not have so many activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have three kids. One in a different school 20 minutes away. These are all choices you made, not sure what you were expecting.

+1 it’s all about your choices.

No, we don’t really have these issues, but we limit out kids to one club sport, send them to public and bought a house that we knew had a lot of kids.

Op here. I think it is where we live as well. We live in a neighborhood with large homes and lots. All the kids go to different schools. Without exaggerating, there are 10 kids on our street and every single one attends a different school. The one kid who attended the same school as my child previously has major behavior problems and we were so glad when he stopped banging on our door daily. My kid who was the same age as the neighbor now attends private.

Yeah. Being rich is tough but hopefully you’ll muddle through somehow.

[Anonymous]

Kids are way too busy these days, that doesn't help anything. That's where the problem starts OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have three kids. One in a different school 20 minutes away. These are all choices you made, not sure what you were expecting.

+1 it’s all about your choices.

No, we don’t really have these issues, but we limit out kids to one club sport, send them to public and bought a house that we knew had a lot of kids.

Op here. I think it is where we live as well. We live in a neighborhood with large homes and lots. All the kids go to different schools. Without exaggerating, there are 10 kids on our street and every single one attends a different school. The one kid who attended the same school as my child previously has major behavior problems and we were so glad when he stopped banging on our door daily. My kid who was the same age as the neighbor now attends private.

Yeah. Being rich is tough but hopefully you’ll muddle through somehow.

Her kids will also survive having siblings to play with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids and it feels like we are just off schedule with everyone else. We traveled for half the summer. When we were back, other kids were in camps or also traveling. If we reach out to plan something, parents will say they are unavailable.

When school starts, I know scheduling won’t get any easier since everyone is so busy. My kids all play multiple sports. Even if one kid is free, we may be in the car driving sibling(s) to practice or to a game.

Anyone else feel like it is hard to plan a play date?

I have one kid starting private school 20 min away and I’m sure it is going to be that much worse since now his classmates will be scattered around the DMV.

I'm sure other parents feel the same way! When they reach out to you than you are unavailable! It is just normal life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids and it feels like we are just off schedule with everyone else. We traveled for half the summer. When we were back, other kids were in camps or also traveling. If we reach out to plan something, parents will say they are unavailable.

When school starts, I know scheduling won’t get any easier since everyone is so busy. My kids all play multiple sports. Even if one kid is free, we may be in the car driving sibling(s) to practice or to a game.

Anyone else feel like it is hard to plan a play date?

I have one kid starting private school 20 min away and I’m sure it is going to be that much worse since now his classmates will be scattered around the DMV.

Why are playdates so important? Your kids see their school friends in school 30+ hours a week. Are you afraid that other kids are hanging out together without your kids? You may need to sit down for this, but yeah, that is happening. So what? Your family prioritizes sports. You can't have it all. Private school kids tend not see each other outside school as much as public school kids do, and that is just part of the private school experience. Again, you priortized something else, so you need to make peace with your choice and let go of all this anxiety around what other people are doing without you.

Just because kids see their friends or might see their friends at school 30 hrs a week doesn't mean it's good socialization. Socializing at school or other activities is a good thing, another type of socializing. But, it should not replace good old fashioned unstructured, unorganized free play/ hang out time. Something that kids/teens today are sorely missing

Socializing at school isn't "good" socialization? LOL the level of anxiety regarding these insignificant details of how/when/where your children socialize in insane. OP, you chose a highly structured schedule. That means much less unstructured time. If you want more unstructured socialization then ditch all the organized sports and hang out with other families who ditched organized sports in order to have more unstructured leisure time.

You cannot have every single thing on your List of Things That Constitute a Perfect Childhood.

I'm not the OP, but socializing at school is fine, but it's not enough. Kids only have recess and lunch to truly socialize with friends. And those times are dwindling, some schools even ditch recess. Even if kids have recess, once adults deem kids " too old" for recess there is even less socializing time at school.

Most people, including children, need alone time. Some parents are caught up in an imaginary competition for social dominance and feel like their kids need to have weekly playdates with children who aren't their siblings, whether or not their kids actually want to socialize outside of school on top of everything else they are scheduled for.

And what is wrong with playing with siblings at home? That's the whole point of having more than one. Just chill and let your kids relax between school and activities.

There is nothing wrong with alone time or playing with siblings, my kids do both. We don't do many activities or playdates. I do think if your kids don't want to see their friends outside of school be aide they're stressed or to tired then it's time to not have so many activities.

You feel free to think that, dear.

During the busy school year two of my kids actually prefer to play with each other. Neither has a "best friend" at school and neither would be willing to give up their activities in order to have more time to play with kids they aren't that into. DCUM will clutch its collective pearls, but they say they are each other's best friend.

I don't see the need to "correct" their preference in order to conform to the local standard of constant socializing with classmates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids and it feels like we are just off schedule with everyone else. We traveled for half the summer. When we were back, other kids were in camps or also traveling. If we reach out to plan something, parents will say they are unavailable.

When school starts, I know scheduling won’t get any easier since everyone is so busy. My kids all play multiple sports. Even if one kid is free, we may be in the car driving sibling(s) to practice or to a game.

Anyone else feel like it is hard to plan a play date?

I have one kid starting private school 20 min away and I’m sure it is going to be that much worse since now his classmates will be scattered around the DMV.

I'm sure other parents feel the same way! When they reach out to you than you are unavailable! It is just normal life.

It isn’t like we didn’t connect with anyone during the entire summer. Most of our plans were with my adult friends and their children. A few school friends did reach out but we were on vacation. Then when we returned, they were on vacation or in camp. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids and it feels like we are just off schedule with everyone else. We traveled for half the summer. When we were back, other kids were in camps or also traveling. If we reach out to plan something, parents will say they are unavailable.

When school starts, I know scheduling won’t get any easier since everyone is so busy. My kids all play multiple sports. Even if one kid is free, we may be in the car driving sibling(s) to practice or to a game.

Anyone else feel like it is hard to plan a play date?

I have one kid starting private school 20 min away and I’m sure it is going to be that much worse since now his classmates will be scattered around the DMV.

Why are playdates so important? Your kids see their school friends in school 30+ hours a week. Are you afraid that other kids are hanging out together without your kids? You may need to sit down for this, but yeah, that is happening. So what? Your family prioritizes sports. You can't have it all. Private school kids tend not see each other outside school as much as public school kids do, and that is just part of the private school experience. Again, you priortized something else, so you need to make peace with your choice and let go of all this anxiety around what other people are doing without you.

Just because kids see their friends or might see their friends at school 30 hrs a week doesn't mean it's good socialization. Socializing at school or other activities is a good thing, another type of socializing. But, it should not replace good old fashioned unstructured, unorganized free play/ hang out time. Something that kids/teens today are sorely missing

Socializing at school isn't "good" socialization? LOL the level of anxiety regarding these insignificant details of how/when/where your children socialize in insane. OP, you chose a highly structured schedule. That means much less unstructured time. If you want more unstructured socialization then ditch all the organized sports and hang out with other families who ditched organized sports in order to have more unstructured leisure time.

You cannot have every single thing on your List of Things That Constitute a Perfect Childhood.

I'm not the OP, but socializing at school is fine, but it's not enough. Kids only have recess and lunch to truly socialize with friends. And those times are dwindling, some schools even ditch recess. Even if kids have recess, once adults deem kids " too old" for recess there is even less socializing time at school.

Most people, including children, need alone time. Some parents are caught up in an imaginary competition for social dominance and feel like their kids need to have weekly playdates with children who aren't their siblings, whether or not their kids actually want to socialize outside of school on top of everything else they are scheduled for.

And what is wrong with playing with siblings at home? That's the whole point of having more than one. Just chill and let your kids relax between school and activities.

There is nothing wrong with alone time or playing with siblings, my kids do both. We don't do many activities or playdates. I do think if your kids don't want to see their friends outside of school be aide they're stressed or to tired then it's time to not have so many activities.

You feel free to think that, dear.

During the busy school year two of my kids actually prefer to play with each other. Neither has a "best friend" at school and neither would be willing to give up their activities in order to have more time to play with kids they aren't that into. DCUM will clutch its collective pearls, but they say they are each other's best friend.

I don't see the need to "correct" their preference in order to conform to the local standard of constant socializing with classmates.

No need to sound so snarky. You have your opinions and I have mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids and it feels like we are just off schedule with everyone else. We traveled for half the summer. When we were back, other kids were in camps or also traveling. If we reach out to plan something, parents will say they are unavailable.

When school starts, I know scheduling won’t get any easier since everyone is so busy. My kids all play multiple sports. Even if one kid is free, we may be in the car driving sibling(s) to practice or to a game.

Anyone else feel like it is hard to plan a play date?

I have one kid starting private school 20 min away and I’m sure it is going to be that much worse since now his classmates will be scattered around the DMV.

It's hard when yoir kids want to hang out with their friends, but everyone else is so busy. Nothing against activities, but free, unstructured time is so good for kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you do multiple sports, then you don't have socialization time. We don't do any team sports (swim team in summer only) and have plenty of after school playdates and just hanging out. I prioritize music, academics and free play- creative pursuits over team sports.

Yes parents sign their kids up for so much and then wonder why kids no longer play outside or socialize in person. Between school, homework and activities there's barely any time.

[Anonymous]

One suggestion I have is to coordinate camps and activities with the friends your kids want to hangout with over the summer. We coordinated most of our camps and it cut the drop off/pickup in half. Obviously we couldn't coordinate every week because of vacations and other obligations but it simplified things a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids and it feels like we are just off schedule with everyone else. We traveled for half the summer. When we were back, other kids were in camps or also traveling. If we reach out to plan something, parents will say they are unavailable.

When school starts, I know scheduling won’t get any easier since everyone is so busy. My kids all play multiple sports. Even if one kid is free, we may be in the car driving sibling(s) to practice or to a game.

Anyone else feel like it is hard to plan a play date?

I have one kid starting private school 20 min away and I’m sure it is going to be that much worse since now his classmates will be scattered around the DMV.

It's hard when yoir kids want to hang out with their friends, but everyone else is so busy. Nothing against activities, but free, unstructured time is so good for kids

Unless you are doing nothing than you are also busy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One suggestion I have is to coordinate camps and activities with the friends your kids want to hangout with over the summer. We coordinated most of our camps and it cut the drop off/pickup in half. Obviously we couldn't coordinate every week because of vacations and other obligations but it simplified things a lot.

Op here. When I only had 2 kids or when older kids were younger, we signed up for camps and sports together. This was easier when I only had one kid in an activity and could just follow a friend in some beginner class. As the kids got older, the boys seem to specialize more. No one plays rec anymore. Everyone seems to be focused on soccer or baseball or tennis including my own kids.

We usually go away the last weeks of August but positioned our vacations differently this year. I don’t think we were so off with everyone in previous summers. Or maybe everyone is just busier including our family. We were out of town 5 weeks.