I gave into spouse about getting a puppy and regret it!

[Anonymous]

We’ve done both. We rehomed a puppy years ago and the kids were fine because stress levels in our home went down dramatically. I also doubt any neighbors cared or even remember.

We got a new puppy last year and while the first months are truly hard, it keeps getting better. We love our dog and wouldn’t give him up for the world, but I remember being near tears those first months and regretting getting him.

[Anonymous]

Rehome the dog but as noted not to a shelter. Ideally a friend or someone you know from school, etc.
The kids learn a sad lesson that puppies take a lot of care and the family wasn't ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife needs to own her decision and commit herself to doing her part. A very low bar is to be kind to the dog. I frankly would likely fall out of love with a spouse who acts like a dick to a puppy.

This.

Is your wife normally irrational? She sounds like a child. A mean child.

[Anonymous]

Call the breeder and tell them it’s not working out. Return the dog. You’re wife doesn’t need to agree and it may be easier to do it while she’s at work.

[Anonymous]

My husband was like this for the puppy. He couldn't stand him, it was too much sensory overload and hands-on stuff. Now he likes him, and will give him pets, but still won't walk him or care for him.

I think the true nature of humans comes forth when they need to care for dependents. Sometimes they'll force themselves to care for their own kids, but that doesn't extend to any other dependent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call the breeder and tell them it’s not working out. Return the dog. You’re wife doesn’t need to agree and it may be easier to do it while she’s at work.

This. Most reputable breeders will take their own back. Don't take it to a shelter. If the breeder won't take the dog back, find a breed specific to take the dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure this has come up here before but my search hasn't worked. Let me preface this by saying DW and I have a great marriage so the popular DCUM advice of "get a divorce" is not an option.

I grew up with a dog and had a puppy/dog during my 20s. I'm a dog person. DW never had a pet as a child or an adult.

DW and I have two elementary school kids. The kids have (of course) been asking for a puppy for years. For a while I was agnostic about getting one. DW absolutely did not want one (allergies, mess, smell, etc.). After a few stressful years, We settled into a nice life routine and I agreed with DW that we shouldn't get a dog at this time.

Almost 12 months ago, DW expressed that she wanted the family to get a puppy. For months, I resisted: life was comfortable, budget was controlled, we could travel as a family fairly easily, house was finally furnished the way we wanted, etc. I explained over and over again life with a puppy: accidents, barking, whining, constant supervision, middle of the night wakeups, walks, etc.. I told her she wasn't even an animal person and would not enjoy having a dog and especially a puppy. She insisted, the kids insisted.

Fast forward a few months, and they wore me down so I relented. We've now had a puppy for 2 months and it's exactly like I said. I predicted I would be the one mostly taking care of the pup and I'm okay with that part. DW will take him out for about 5 minutes to use the bathroom and give him food and water in the morning and that's it.

The bigger issue is DW hates having a puppy/dog. She won't engage with it, she won't play with it, and every birthday thing the puppy does aggravates her a lot. She complains about the noise, the shedding (he's a low shedding breed), the smell, the need to clean, the planning for a dog walker or daycare. So she spends all her time mad at the puppy and, frankly, she's coming off as mean. Even the kids have said she's mean and they don't like the way she treats the dog. DW has admitted that she made a mistake (I have no idea why she pushed for the puppy) and other than the brief joy of being about to say "I told you so" it's been a negative experience and has increased stress in the house. Unfortunately, She hasn't shown any ability to change her attitude towards the dog.

So I'm asking DCUM "now what?" The kids have big time bonded with the dog. As far as puppies go, he's excellent. But he's a breed that requires a lot of enrichment and I try to meet that need but I can't do it on my own, especially with my work schedule. The kids actually help with what they can, but aren't mature enough to do things unsupervised. Part of mebwants to rehome the dog, but I actually like the little guy and know it'll be a little better when he's an adult. Plus getting rid of him would crush my kids and I'd feel like a failure. DW doesn't want the kids to be sad (or at least to blame her) but I think she'd be fine if the dog died tomorrow (don't worry we/I do keep him safe and take good care of him).

Can happy houses exist with a pet that one parent doesn't want? Is there a way to help her bond with the dog or is it a lost cause? Would rehoming be the right thing for the dog, even if me and the kids would be sad?

I hate that I have into DW but now feel stuck.

Having a puppy is hard but, they do grow up quicker than kids. have you talked to your wife? Because I can't understand not wanting to interact with a puppy. Something is off with your wife. Sorry!

[Anonymous]

I don't think something is off with your wife just because she doesn't want to interact with a puppy.

What is off is that she is being so mean that even the kids are calling her out. Of all the things you mention, OP, that is the dealbreaker to me.

You need to have a come to jesus moment with her. Maybe she will grow to love the dog. Maybe she will hate it forever, but if she can't control her reactions then I think you should 100% rehome the dog. It sounds like it is a good dog and will easily be able to find a new home. Give it a chance to be in a home that wants it and not in a "maybe in three years I will grow to love you, maybe not, but until we find out I will be a horrible person."

The life lesson to your kids will be to make decisions like this with your head and not just with your heart. Showing kids that "we all make mistakes, but what matters is how you fix them" is important too.

[Anonymous]

Get a dog trainer/experienced walker that comes in to do the enrichment and training on a very regular schedule when you are not there. It will be hard because the dog will bond with this person, but if you work with the dog too, hopefully that bond is good enough.

Puppies suck. I would never get one. But maybe if your wife sees someone knowledgeable working with the dog, it will help. And once the puppy is bigger AND TRAINED WELL, everything is easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a dog trainer/experienced walker that comes in to do the enrichment and training on a very regular schedule when you are not there. It will be hard because the dog will bond with this person, but if you work with the dog too, hopefully that bond is good enough.

Puppies suck. I would never get one. But maybe if your wife sees someone knowledgeable working with the dog, it will help. And once the puppy is bigger AND TRAINED WELL, everything is easier.

And if not the rehoming a grown dog is harder.

[Anonymous]

I couldn’t bring myself to rehome our dog even though I knew it was a mistake. I was too embarrassed, thought it would be a bad message for the kids, thought I’d tough it out and things would improve, felt too guilty. I very much regret it. 4 years later it’s much easier but I don’t like having a dog at all, even though she’s the cutest thing ever.

[Anonymous]

Good people make bad choices sometimes. Forcing them to "ride it out" for the sake of a dog is ridiculous.

Teach your children that even grown-ups make mistakes. Explain that you thought you had the time/resources to take on this commitment, but you realize now that you don't. This scenario will happen to them at some point, too. Help them understand that they're not stuck when they fsck up; there are often other options.

Then, involve your whole family in the project of finding a new home for the puppy. Put up flyers, post to your listserv, research breed-specific rescues... This is an act of love for the puppy. You don't have the resources to properly care for it, so you're going to find it someone who does.

Things don't always work out, even when we want them to. Taking responsibility for our choices, acknowledging reality as it is (not as we'd have it be), and finding a responsible exit strategy are all valuable life skills.

The kids and the puppy will be fine. Sadness is appropriate. Don't push them to move on quickly; take pics and allow them to grieve the rehoming of the puppy, which is a loss. But it's a survivable loss, and it's better to do this now, while the puppy is still little and cute, than to deal with the situation downline after it snowballs into resentments + an untrained, and possibly unsafe dog.

Ignore the PP who said you never get a dog again if you don't keep this one. That's a garbage take. Your kids will grow, your circumstances will change, and an older dog may be the perfect fit down the line.

[Anonymous]

May have to rehome the wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a dog trainer/experienced walker that comes in to do the enrichment and training on a very regular schedule when you are not there. It will be hard because the dog will bond with this person, but if you work with the dog too, hopefully that bond is good enough.

Puppies suck. I would never get one. But maybe if your wife sees someone knowledgeable working with the dog, it will help. And once the puppy is bigger AND TRAINED WELL, everything is easier.

Puppies are wonderful just like babies. Mine gave me so much love and all my work paid off because he is mine totally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:May have to rehome the wife.

Yes!