I gave into spouse about getting a puppy and regret it!

[Anonymous]

I'm sure this has come up here before but my search hasn't worked. Let me preface this by saying DW and I have a great marriage so the popular DCUM advice of "get a divorce" is not an option.

I grew up with a dog and had a puppy/dog during my 20s. I'm a dog person. DW never had a pet as a child or an adult.

DW and I have two elementary school kids. The kids have (of course) been asking for a puppy for years. For a while I was agnostic about getting one. DW absolutely did not want one (allergies, mess, smell, etc.). After a few stressful years, We settled into a nice life routine and I agreed with DW that we shouldn't get a dog at this time.

Almost 12 months ago, DW expressed that she wanted the family to get a puppy. For months, I resisted: life was comfortable, budget was controlled, we could travel as a family fairly easily, house was finally furnished the way we wanted, etc. I explained over and over again life with a puppy: accidents, barking, whining, constant supervision, middle of the night wakeups, walks, etc.. I told her she wasn't even an animal person and would not enjoy having a dog and especially a puppy. She insisted, the kids insisted.

Fast forward a few months, and they wore me down so I relented. We've now had a puppy for 2 months and it's exactly like I said. I predicted I would be the one mostly taking care of the pup and I'm okay with that part. DW will take him out for about 5 minutes to use the bathroom and give him food and water in the morning and that's it.

The bigger issue is DW hates having a puppy/dog. She won't engage with it, she won't play with it, and every birthday thing the puppy does aggravates her a lot. She complains about the noise, the shedding (he's a low shedding breed), the smell, the need to clean, the planning for a dog walker or daycare. So she spends all her time mad at the puppy and, frankly, she's coming off as mean. Even the kids have said she's mean and they don't like the way she treats the dog. DW has admitted that she made a mistake (I have no idea why she pushed for the puppy) and other than the brief joy of being about to say "I told you so" it's been a negative experience and has increased stress in the house. Unfortunately, She hasn't shown any ability to change her attitude towards the dog.

So I'm asking DCUM "now what?" The kids have big time bonded with the dog. As far as puppies go, he's excellent. But he's a breed that requires a lot of enrichment and I try to meet that need but I can't do it on my own, especially with my work schedule. The kids actually help with what they can, but aren't mature enough to do things unsupervised. Part of mebwants to rehome the dog, but I actually like the little guy and know it'll be a little better when he's an adult. Plus getting rid of him would crush my kids and I'd feel like a failure. DW doesn't want the kids to be sad (or at least to blame her) but I think she'd be fine if the dog died tomorrow (don't worry we/I do keep him safe and take good care of him).

Can happy houses exist with a pet that one parent doesn't want? Is there a way to help her bond with the dog or is it a lost cause? Would rehoming be the right thing for the dog, even if me and the kids would be sad?

I hate that I have into DW but now feel stuck.

[Anonymous]

OP here. *Hate that I GAVE into DW

Also, sorry for the long message... It's been building up for weeks.

[Anonymous]

Get rid of the puppy.

[Anonymous]

If you regime the puppy do you worry that both you and your kids will resent your wife and that itself will create new issues and tensions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you regime the puppy do you worry that both you and your kids will resent your wife and that itself will create new issues and tensions?

*rehome

[Anonymous]

My sister was like your wife. Took a while, but she loves the dog now and so happy they have it.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s a lost cause. I felt like your wife when I got our dog. I desperately wanted to rehome her but couldn’t break my kids’ hearts. Now I absolutely adore her! It took some time though. But I would have a frank conversation with her that she’s coming across as mean and the kids see it. Because that’s not good.

[Anonymous]

rehome

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your DW has made up her mind. The puppy isn't going to train itself. Or get any younger. I wouldn't want your kids to think this is how to treat or care for a dog. Another vote for rehome.

[Anonymous]

regime this dog. but do not go to a shelter. either contact the original breeder or go to a breeder specifically charity like ggreat.org or similar

[Anonymous]

re home ^^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you regime the puppy do you worry that both you and your kids will resent your wife and that itself will create new issues and tensions?

I hadn't thought about that but it's possible.

[Anonymous]

Have your wife taken the puppy to training classes geared towards puppies. The forced interaction combined with the puppy's improved behavior and ability to pick up new commands should improve the relationship. Also, if you got a poodle or poodle mix, it'll be diabolically smart, so you might as well channel that intelligence for good.

[Anonymous]

For those saying rehome, how do you explain that to kids that love the dog? Of lesser importance, how do you have the discussion with friends and neighbors without becoming the animal hating pariah family

[Anonymous]

Your wife needs to own her decision and commit herself to doing her part. A very low bar is to be kind to the dog. I frankly would likely fall out of love with a spouse who acts like a dick to a puppy.