How does low libido feels like?

[Anonymous]

There is generally an underlying cause for low libido. Getting to the root cause is the most important.

There is no need to engage in sex acts that when you are not feeling it. The better course would be for you and your partner to work together to find the root cause. Your partner should be there as a support, not someone holding divorce/affairs over your head if you don't put out.

Root causes could be lack of trust in your partner, lack of closeness with your partner, hormonal imbalances, birth control pills, depression or depression medications, amongst other things.

Seek out a specialist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It feels like lack of sexual desire. No looking forward to sex, no sexual zing.

Interesting. This could also be because you don't find your partner attractive anymore or for women libido "suddenly" comes back when they meet a hotter man than their husband. That's when affairs start. There's tons of posts on reddit about women who never had anal or have had low libido suddenly get on all fours and open up to a new hotter man they met but for their husband's they act dry with no libido and refuse to do anything like anal in bed but for the boyfriend...

They would eventually become dead fish to the new guy to if they lived long term in real life with them.

Not my experience at all, great sex is pretty refreshing after some relationships. Why do you think it's always going to be the woman's fault?

Tell me you haven’t been married 25+ years. Even great sex with the same person becomes less exciting.

Actually I was married for 25 years before I left my husband. Sex did become less exciting but after more years it became nonexistent and not by my choice.

[Anonymous]

Karl Ove wrote a series of six books that are an autobiography and a sharing of his internal experience. In one of them, he describes a post-orgasmic feeling in which he is no longer sexually excited. The girl’s breasts are just mounds of flesh, her underwear is just fabric, and his previous excitement about any of it seems bizarre. It only lasts for a few minutes (he’s a teenager at the time), and he regains his interest.
Having no libido feels like the way he felt in that moment, but all of the time.
It’s not that sex is repulsive. It just feels like a weird thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it like I would rather sleep or is it I would rather clean the bathroom ?

It’s like if your wife asked you to comb her hair for a half hour a couple of times a week.
It’s fine, but if you are busy or tired, you probably wouldn’t want to. And if it starts to cause you physical pain, you might wonder why your spouse is still asking you to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Karl Ove wrote a series of six books that are an autobiography and a sharing of his internal experience. In one of them, he describes a post-orgasmic feeling in which he is no longer sexually excited. The girl’s breasts are just mounds of flesh, her underwear is just fabric, and his previous excitement about any of it seems bizarre. It only lasts for a few minutes (he’s a teenager at the time), and he regains his interest.
Having no libido feels like the way he felt in that moment, but all of the time.
It’s not that sex is repulsive. It just feels like a weird thing to do.

This is a great description.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it like I would rather sleep or is it I would rather clean the bathroom ?

It’s like if your wife asked you to comb her hair for a half hour a couple of times a week.
It’s fine, but if you are busy or tired, you probably wouldn’t want to. And if it starts to cause you physical pain, you might wonder why your spouse is still asking you to do it.

Ok. But would YOU then forbid her (under penalty of divorce on grounds of cheating) from seeing her hairdresser?

[Anonymous]

I thought I suffered from it, but turns out it was just long-term monogamy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it like I would rather sleep or is it I would rather clean the bathroom ?

It’s like if your wife asked you to comb her hair for a half hour a couple of times a week.
It’s fine, but if you are busy or tired, you probably wouldn’t want to. And if it starts to cause you physical pain, you might wonder why your spouse is still asking you to do it.

Ok. But would YOU then forbid her (under penalty of divorce on grounds of cheating) from seeing her hairdresser?

Multiple times a week? Just to feel someone comb her hair?

I don’t know. I don’t think the answer to that is as obvious as you think it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It feels like lack of sexual desire. No looking forward to sex, no sexual zing.

Interesting. This could also be because you don't find your partner attractive anymore or for women libido "suddenly" comes back when they meet a hotter man than their husband. That's when affairs start. There's tons of posts on reddit about women who never had anal or have had low libido suddenly get on all fours and open up to a new hotter man they met but for their husband's they act dry with no libido and refuse to do anything like anal in bed but for the boyfriend...

They would eventually become dead fish to the new guy to if they lived long term in real life with them.

Not my experience at all, great sex is pretty refreshing after some relationships. Why do you think it's always going to be the woman's fault?

Tell me you haven’t been married 25+ years. Even great sex with the same person becomes less exciting.

Actually I was married for 25 years before I left my husband. Sex did become less exciting but after more years it became nonexistent and not by my choice.

You seem to be missing PP’s point. Regardless of the relationship, people get bored after a quarter century. Comparing it something to new (as you seemed to be doing) is like comparing red delicious apples and the most perfectly ripe mouth watering watermelon.

[Anonymous]

For me, it’s a lot like when I had a roommate who was really into the TV show Arrested Development. I didn’t care for it. It’s not like I hated it. And if she was sitting and watching, sometimes I’d sit and watch too, and even laugh. I could see the appeal. But I was never like “ooo, I wanna watch that!” Basically any other fun activity was better. And when she moved out, I never watched it again and I don’t miss it at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It feels like lack of sexual desire. No looking forward to sex, no sexual zing.

Interesting. This could also be because you don't find your partner attractive anymore or for women libido "suddenly" comes back when they meet a hotter man than their husband. That's when affairs start. There's tons of posts on reddit about women who never had anal or have had low libido suddenly get on all fours and open up to a new hotter man they met but for their husband's they act dry with no libido and refuse to do anything like anal in bed but for the boyfriend...

They would eventually become dead fish to the new guy to if they lived long term in real life with them.

Not my experience at all, great sex is pretty refreshing after some relationships. Why do you think it's always going to be the woman's fault?

Tell me you haven’t been married 25+ years. Even great sex with the same person becomes less exciting.

Actually I was married for 25 years before I left my husband. Sex did become less exciting but after more years it became nonexistent and not by my choice.

You seem to be missing PP’s point. Regardless of the relationship, people get bored after a quarter century. Comparing it something to new (as you seemed to be doing) is like comparing red delicious apples and the most perfectly ripe mouth watering watermelon.

Yep. Even if the man still looks like Brad Pitt and the woman Angelina. You seem them every single day and the novelty wears off. Yes- they are still very attractive but you no longer want to rip their clothes off all the time or get excited 25, 30 years later. You also have lived through a lot and likely had resentment and some anger over that time—stress, kids, death, etc. This is why even a much less attractive “new” person can elicit arousal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is generally an underlying cause for low libido. Getting to the root cause is the most important.

There is no need to engage in sex acts that when you are not feeling it. The better course would be for you and your partner to work together to find the root cause. Your partner should be there as a support, not someone holding divorce/affairs over your head if you don't put out.

Root causes could be lack of trust in your partner, lack of closeness with your partner, hormonal imbalances, birth control pills, depression or depression medications, amongst other things.

Seek out a specialist.

+ 1

It is not normal to have low to no-libido.

It’s also toxic to your marriage because you are forcing your partner to live out a sexless-marriage; that’s not OK.

[Anonymous]

It’s like the difference between being hungry and actively looking forward to and seeking out a meal to eat vs. when you have no appetite for whatever reason and simply have no interest or thoughts about what food you’d like to eat and no real enjoyment from eating.

[Anonymous]

It feel like you are sane. You are not obsessed with sexual urges. It's better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It feels like lack of sexual desire. No looking forward to sex, no sexual zing.

Interesting. This could also be because you don't find your partner attractive anymore or for women libido "suddenly" comes back when they meet a hotter man than their husband. That's when affairs start. There's tons of posts on reddit about women who never had anal or have had low libido suddenly get on all fours and open up to a new hotter man they met but for their husband's they act dry with no libido and refuse to do anything like anal in bed but for the boyfriend...

They would eventually become dead fish to the new guy to if they lived long term in real life with them.

Not my experience at all, great sex is pretty refreshing after some relationships. Why do you think it's always going to be the woman's fault?

Tell me you haven’t been married 25+ years. Even great sex with the same person becomes less exciting.

Actually I was married for 25 years before I left my husband. Sex did become less exciting but after more years it became nonexistent and not by my choice.

You seem to be missing PP’s point. Regardless of the relationship, people get bored after a quarter century. Comparing it something to new (as you seemed to be doing) is like comparing red delicious apples and the most perfectly ripe mouth watering watermelon.

Women. Women get bored, not men.