Now sober but destroyer their neighborhood rep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent initiated sleepovers are a hard no

I don't understand this thread. First of all, sleepovers are just fine and a normal part of growing up. Secondly, the very strong likelihood is that this mom is getting continually asked by her kids for a sleepover and she is probably ashamed that she has a prior "reputation". 5 years sober is a good amount of time.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Let me clarify. I do believe this mom is sober and my daughter has been over to their house a lot. They live very close by.

I did recently find out that the alcoholism 5 years ago was much worse than I thought. Many lapses of judgement that are just beyond the pale.

But it’s old stuff. She is sober. Should I just move on or reconsider? What if she relapsed. I don’t want to put my child in harms way.

[Anonymous]

No, not if she is "begging" that's really odd.

[Anonymous]

If you feel uncomfortable, just say no and make up excuse. Your saying no isn’t going to ruin the friendship.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Let me clarify. I do believe this mom is sober and my daughter has been over to their ahouse a lot. They live very close by.

I did recently find out that the alcoholism 5 years ago was much worse than I thought. Many lapses of judgement that are just beyond the pale.

But it’s old stuff. She is sober. Should I just move on or reconsider? What if she relapsed. I don’t want to put my child in harms way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Let me clarify. I do believe this mom is sober and my daughter has been over to their house a lot. They live very close by.

I did recently find out that the alcoholism 5 years ago was much worse than I thought. Many lapses of judgement that are just beyond the pale.

But it’s old stuff. She is sober. Should I just move on or reconsider? What if she relapsed. I don’t want to put my child in harms way.

Clarify about the begging. What does that look like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Let me clarify. I do believe this mom is sober and my daughter has been over to their house a lot. They live very close by.

I did recently find out that the alcoholism 5 years ago was much worse than I thought. Many lapses of judgement that are just beyond the pale.

But it’s old stuff. She is sober. Should I just move on or reconsider? What if she relapsed. I don’t want to put my child in harms way.

You didn’t clarify anything. How old is your child? Does your kid want the sleepover with the friend? Does your child have a cell phone? Is your child begging for the sleepover or only the mom? People keep asking these questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Let me clarify. I do believe this mom is sober and my daughter has been over to their house a lot. They live very close by.

I did recently find out that the alcoholism 5 years ago was much worse than I thought. Many lapses of judgement that are just beyond the pale.

But it’s old stuff. She is sober. Should I just move on or reconsider? What if she relapsed. I don’t want to put my child in harms way.

You didn’t clarify anything. How old is your child? Does your kid want the sleepover with the friend? Does your child have a cell phone? Is your child begging for the sleepover or only the mom? People keep asking these questions.

Seconding, you are not answering the relevant questions for decision making.

1 - How old is your child? (Under 10/over 10?)

2 - Does your DC have a cellphone?

3 - Is your DC begging for this, or just sober mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not the prior alcoholism that gives me pause, it’s the begging - it’s weird.

Thhhiiiiissss. Begging is a boundary violation. Hard pass.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Other question: Who else is in the house? Dad? Older brothers? Houses with substance abuse, current or former, can have boundary issues and that would be my concern, sober parents are not.

[Anonymous]

Our children just finished 4th grade. Our children do not have a cell phones but the other kids occasionally calls my kid on my phone. I have been cutting back on that as well. The other kid does have a mean streak at school when there are other kids present (swiping a book my kid is reading quietly, saying my kid cant sit with them at lunch).

My kid has never begged to sleep over at her house. It's the mom that begs at least 2-3x a year. The family has an older sister in high school who I just found out was a bully when she was younger.

Dad is a sweet. Does a lot for the family.

Mom because of previous neighborhood ostracism is very clingy and wants to do a lot for my kid. I guess I am turned off now because I did not know how bad her alcoholism was before and because she has unknowingly raised two girls with mean streaks.

[Anonymous]

How old is your kid? I think it could be safe if your kid is old/mature enough to call home if necessary, but not if they're too young to make the judgment call or old enough to start drinking at a sleepover. Maybe 11-12?

But in your case I probably wouldn't just because you haven't let your kid sleepover anywhere to avoid this woman - weird to break that streak with the actual person who's the reason for the rule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our children just finished 4th grade. Our children do not have a cell phones but the other kids occasionally calls my kid on my phone. I have been cutting back on that as well. The other kid does have a mean streak at school when there are other kids present (swiping a book my kid is reading quietly, saying my kid cant sit with them at lunch).

My kid has never begged to sleep over at her house. It's the mom that begs at least 2-3x a year. The family has an older sister in high school who I just found out was a bully when she was younger.

Dad is a sweet. Does a lot for the family.

Mom because of previous neighborhood ostracism is very clingy and wants to do a lot for my kid. I guess I am turned off now because I did not know how bad her alcoholism was before and because she has unknowingly raised two girls with mean streaks.

Thank you for the clarification and answers. This is easy. No sleepovers. For no other reason than your daughter isn’t the one asking for one. Just say no. You don’t agree because another parent keeps asking when your child doesn’t ask for it. None of the other info is relevant.

[Anonymous]

No sleepovers ever. Impossible to be certain of safety. Not on my watch.

[Anonymous]

Forget about the sleepovers for a minute. Are you encouraging your daughter to hang out with someone that is mean to them? Or does your daughter really want to hang out with this kid? I’m not sure why you would encourage this friendship and it has zero to do with prior alcoholism. I generally make hanging out with mean girls pretty inconvenient so it doesn’t happen often.