Extensive time off after parental death

[Anonymous]

I took 3 weeks and then a slow start up.

[Anonymous]

More than a few days to 2 weeks is strange to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here I am getting harassed by my boss for taking two days off for my FIL's funeral.

My old boss called the funeral home when I wasn't answering my cell phone during my father's calling hours to ask what I had accomplished in the four days I had taken off.

Thank God you called him your old boss PP. How jaw droppingly inappropriate. I am so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? If they have the leave it makes sense to use it. I regret leaving companies with unused leave.

Do people even read the posts? The OP said this person is now using unpaid leave. Which means the employer is being accommodating. Not all employers are required to comply with FMLA and parental death also does not automatically invoke the ability to use FMLA.

There are some employers and jobs where shit needs to get done and there is some point where this can't go on. Someone is doing extra work or losing money. No one is entitled to any job.

Chill out, OP... your resentment is showing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a colleague who is currently on leave due to losing a parent.
I think they’ve been gone for 6 weeks now.
I wouldn't say it’s excessive but we have no idea when they’re returning and we’re trying to cover their workload.
It’s just hard to plan properly but they should take all the time they need.
Death is hard.

Now THIS is the best answer yet.
Great attitude, PP.

Does work still need to get done? Yes.
Should employees be rushed through the grieving process? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I took my allotted time 3 days, plus 2 my boss gave me) and was back. It was a shitshow and my head wasn’t properly in the game for months as a result. I had to handle things in my free time and never got to process the grief, and it led to more problems down the line,

I’ve learned my lesson about taking the leave I need in the future, even if it has to be unpaid.

I'm so sorry that your company was that apathetic about your loss and grief.

Lesson well learned.
No matter what they may say, companies don't really give a sh¡t about their employees mental health and well being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More than a few days to 2 weeks is strange to me.

Well, not everyone is a cold hearted, emotionless, npc.
Most of us love our parents and will/have mourned their deaths.

Sorry you won't miss your parents.... that seems strange to the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

I fell into a deep depression following my mom’s death after a 5 year cancer battle. Fortunately I was a SAHM at the time so I wasn’t missing paid work. However, at the time I remember thinking that I would have been up a creek if I’d been employed. Please respect that everybody grieves differently.

Now if the company is literally collapsing due to the excessive time off and you are the employer, see about approaching the employee about a modified work schedule that’s remote to help them ease back in. If you’re just a coworker, you’ll need to suck it up and remind yourself that you’d want the same kindness extended if you were in their shoes.

[Anonymous]

Are they Indian? If so, they often have extended rituals to do.

[Anonymous]

It's not just mourning that people need time off for -- often there is stuff to do and no other time to do it (cleaning out the house, figuring out what the surviving spouse should do) - but the employee needs to keep the employer in the loop about when he/she will be back.

I needed three weeks off because my mom died unexpectedly while taking care of my dad who had alzheimer's and could not be left alone. I could not go back to work until we had arranged for 24/7 care. My siblings were not in a position to help take care of my dad.

[Anonymous]

A colleague of mine took 6months off for the death of a parent. Everyone’s grieving process is different.

[Anonymous]

I actually didn't take any time off when my mother died. I literally had my MacBook open next to my work laptop, streaming her funeral. Almost a year later when I went to her home state for the unveiling, THAT was when I told work she'd died and used the three days off for traveling.

[Anonymous]

i took three days off when my mom died last month. i'm basically phoning it in, though, i'm not able to focus well on work.

i'm lucky that all the really difficult stuff was done years ago-- it took about four months to empty and repair and sell their house when they fell ill, because they lived a two hour drive away, and i had a few-month-old baby i wasn't willing to be away from for days on end.

grief is messy, and thats before you start on the paperwork of a messy estate. i only got the death cert last week! thank god basically everything was already wrapped up-- but everyones situation is different. your colleague may be taking care of another family member, or trying to deal with bills and creditors, or they just may be mired in grief. give some grace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i took three days off when my mom died last month. i'm basically phoning it in, though, i'm not able to focus well on work.

i'm lucky that all the really difficult stuff was done years ago-- it took about four months to empty and repair and sell their house when they fell ill, because they lived a two hour drive away, and i had a few-month-old baby i wasn't willing to be away from for days on end.

grief is messy, and thats before you start on the paperwork of a messy estate. i only got the death cert last week! thank god basically everything was already wrapped up-- but everyones situation is different. your colleague may be taking care of another family member, or trying to deal with bills and creditors, or they just may be mired in grief. give some grace.

Yeah I spent many long periods on the phone clearing out my dad’s estate when he died during “lunch”. Not proud of that but it takes time and it was important to my disabled sibling so it was on me.

[Anonymous]

It varies a lot. I took 2 weeks when my parent died but I wasn't handling the paperwork and estate; surviving parent did that. My boss was understanding and let me work from home completely for the first 2 weeks I was back. I just did not want to deal with people, all of whom were well-meaning and sympathetic, but for that first month i'd cry any time someone mentioned my mom. Did not want to do that at work.

A colleague lost his parent and only took a week, came back for a week, then had to take several more weeks off as it was too soon and he could not function.

6 weeks or more does seem like a lot on paper, but if a house must be cleaned out under time pressure, or the parent lived far away and there are things to settle out of town, I can totally see it. It's really hard to do that stuff from afar, and time-consuming and expensive to travel to do it more than just a couple of times.