My Mom Has Been Dead Three Days and People are Already Asking About Her House

[Anonymous]

OP here and I appreciate everyone's responses and the different perspectives. I guess I've gotten over it a bit/learned to take it with a grain of salt. The thing that bothered me the most were people I've never spoken to in my life that started asking with an obvious interest in purchasing the home. I didn't have a problem discussing it with other family/close friends. Anyway, I've made peace with it .. Thanks for the ability to vent.

[Anonymous]

it is rude and nosey.
And my condolences on your loss.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

As someone who didn’t have a close relationship with my mother I can see that some people can’t grasp that someone can genuinely mourn a death of a very old person. I mean i understand intellectually but I can totally see myself asking an insensitive question on accident

[Anonymous]

You really think many people are trying to buy your mom's house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the only child of a single mother that died three days ago and I've about a half dozen people have asked what I'm going to do with the house. These are people that I'm friendly with, but we wouldn't have detailed conversations if it wasn't for my mother's passing.

I typically respond that I haven't decided yet, but it's really rubbing me the wrong way.

Is this normal conversation after someone dies?

Sorry for your loss Op and BTDT and it gets tiring for sure and people just don’t think especially if they have never lost a parent. The asking dies down but doesn’t go away until you finally are able to give a definitive answer.

Reasons people ask vary - they might think the house is too much for you to handle. they may know the house is worth a lot of money and be thinking of themself as in what would I do if I suddenly got such an inheritance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, sadly it is OP - I'm so sorry, and I'm very sorry for your loss.

My mother died at home, and in the last few weeks it was evident to neighbors what was happening as they saw ambulances come and go, a hospital bed being delivered, etc...

She had a neighbor (immediately next door) who was a real estate agent. I received a condolence card from that neighbor, with a solicitation to list the house with her, and it was postmarked 2 days before my mother actually died.

I will never. ever. forget that. She, of course, did not get the listing but a colleague of hers did and I told that story - so I know it made it back to her. And I don't care about whether that makes me seem petty or vengeful.

I agree that most people are just trying to find something to say, or a way to commiserate on the hardship of the whole thing, but it's really hard to cope w/ the "casual" chitchat after a loss like this. My condolences to you.

WTF? That's horrible. I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People asked me that after my divorce too, which I also found painful.

+1. After my divorce, someone told (possibly in good faith) a real estate agent who lives in the neighborhood, and the agent called me to ask if I wanted to sell. So very gross. People are gross, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You really think many people are trying to buy your mom's house?

DP. My mom had a lovely condo in Kalorama and during her prolonged home hospice lots of people asked me what we'd do with the place.

[Anonymous]

There are only 3 paths forward:

Sell

Rent it out

Keep it for yourself

^^^
People are asking which path you’ll take. It’s likely just curiosity rather than anything self-serving or nefarious.

Having had to empty a 5 bedroom home and sell it myself while in the throes of grief, I get it. But some of the inquiries I got were made in an effort to help. Several suggested companies they used to empty a house or auction items. If the house is a wreck or you just don’t have the time to properly empty or stage it, some realtors have connections with flippers who will buy as is and you can leave the furnishings, etc.

Sorry for your loss.

FWIW, I became a minimalist after navigating this—and I will definitely downsize to a condo in retirement and avoid leaving the burden of handling an estate sale on my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People asked me that after my divorce too, which I also found painful.

+1. After my divorce, someone told (possibly in good faith) a real estate agent who lives in the neighborhood, and the agent called me to ask if I wanted to sell. So very gross. People are gross, OP.

Wow does this strategy ever actually work? I feel like if anything you’re (as a realtor) guaranteeing the person will not want to hire you and will spread word in the community that you are a vulture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the only child of a single mother that died three days ago and I've about a half dozen people have asked what I'm going to do with the house. These are people that I'm friendly with, but we wouldn't have detailed conversations if it wasn't for my mother's passing.

I typically respond that I haven't decided yet, but it's really rubbing me the wrong way.

Is this normal conversation after someone dies?

Yes, it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You really think many people are trying to buy your mom's house?

OP here and yes. Either wanting to buy it (a complete stranger to me said he wanted it) or being a real estate agent is their side hustle and they want to "help".

I've had one person bring it up in a non self-serving way and they actually provided helpful advice on what to do with the stuff in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal. And I don’t think it’s insensitive. People are trying to ask how you’re doing and next steps. Most people talk a lot about how they’re cleaning out the house, going through old memories, having an estate sale, whatever. It’s the next step after someone dies. I don’t even ask and most people start talking about the estate in normal conversation.

I think people want to share lovely memories and talk about the deceased at funerals and wakes. It seems insensitive to bring up things like that later because it seems that the family is trying to do other things.

I disagree. It is insensitive. The grieving party needs to be the one who brings it ip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell them that it is recommended that people not make any major decisions such as buying/selling a house, for at least the first year after a death.

Most people need to settle an estate before that.

Especially a house. It can’t sit unused without issues.

Op, I agree with others. People don’t know what to say and are trying to connect on an issue they know you have to deal with. I highly doubt any are actually interested in buying the house.