Please teach your kids to become financially independent by 40 - the labor market doesn’t want you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just got a great job at 47. WFH, so I’m still accessible to my teens all day. Plenty of time for working out and sleep. I feel really grateful.

What kind of job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids already have investment accounts, but the reason was more what I had to endure rather than what future might bring.
I worked high stress minimum wage job for ca 18 years. To get out of it, I learned to invest.
OP, at least you seemed to have had nice time working and getting to your freedom from work hasn't been a priority. I still have nightmares from that job.
It puts the damper on my financial freedom.
Me no speaky English is one of the reason I ended up being underpaid and mistreated for so long.

Really? I think I'm mistreated because I'm a 40+ mother in a male dominated field where all the men have SAHWs. The mentality is the I should be home with my kids my household doesn't deserve my income.

But look at it from other side. At my level I make 300k and nearly all the men had SAHW. The 30 percent of women my level with kids also make 300k but had husbands making at least 300k so they had 600k to 700k income. Every time they ran out the door to pick up kids or on maternity leave the men would pick up the slack.

Of course we had to listen to their stores of their visits to France, Martha’s Vineyard and skinning in Aspen something none of us could afford.

My unpaid wife attended school events, made dinner, cleaned up, put kids to bed by herself cause I was working late covering for a women making 300k with a 400k husband. That did not go well.

They need to pay SAHWs

You have a spending problem.

[Anonymous]

As someone who is very frugal, made all the right moves and has built wealth in no way do I think this is realistic without deciding not to have kids and a military pension

[Anonymous]

Get up at 5 and work out. Go to bed by 10 and you are good. I did this for years with my 3. Full time job - sports etc.

[Anonymous]

My husband started feeling the effects of ageism when he turned 50. My best friend as well. Two different fields.

Andecdotal data, of course, but it seems to me 50 is the cut-off beyond which you are not guaranteed to find a well-paying job in your field if you need a new one, and some people will actively start shuffling you out of your existing job.

[Anonymous]

I think your expectations are unrealistic. You want kids, a full time job, a social life, and to be able to work out? When in the course of human history has that ever been true?

I had kids in my late 30s and work full time. I started doing some volunteer work related to my kids activities in my 40s but I don’t work out (other than run around with the kids) and don’t have a social life (other than gojng to stuff with my kids). That’s life. Compared to the majority of humans through the majority of human history, this really is easy street. Pull up old episodes of that reality show where people lived like the 19th century — now those women really worked!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think total financial independence by 40 is unrealistic especially if you have dependent children.

However I do think advising your kids to set up their lives so that they or their partner can work part time or not work (or both partners work flexible jobs) by 40 that is good advice -- it is really hard to have a dual income couple with regular 9-5 jobs plus kids and feel sane. Relying on dual income at that stage is just really tough on people and I think my generation (I'm an Xennial) got sold a bill of goods about pursuing careers and having kids that was just not realistic.

But that does't mean being financially independent by 40. We are mid 40s and very much still working but DH is working towards retirement at 52 and I work 30 hours a week in a consulting job that I will happily do in some capacity well into my 50s for even 60s (flexible WFH and I like my job and it's realistic for me to be able to reduce my hours or take time off because I can pick and choose projects). At 38 we were both still working regular full time jobs and with kids it became untenable and we made choices to fix that so that we could enjoy our life and also actually enjoy seeing our kids grow up and also not tie ourselves to jobs until we're 65.

If your DH is retiring at 52 and you were part time for a decade, you certainly had financial means to be independent in your 40s.

What did your DH do for career?

Without kids yes. With kids no. By shifting to part time I was able to manage our household and save us money on nannies and other help just to make the whole 2 careers and 2 kids thing work -- we ran the numbers and it netted us more money over time. That in turn helped DH move up at work and nearly double his salary between 38 and 44 (he's an engineer). By being frugal (made much easier thanks to my schedule) and his extra income we were able to save aggressively for most of the last decade and max out retirement and college accounts and then make some investments -- youngest will start college in 4 years and at that point we'll be in really good shape.

But with kids this is incredibly hard to do by 40 unless you have a really really high income. We lived extremely frugally -- one car small home limited vacations almost never eating out. We made our own fun and counted every penny. I think it's the only way to do it if you have kids unless you're so rich it doesn't matter. Even my friend who is a Big Law partner complains about money because they have a huge house and two kids doing private PK-12 and they take lavish vacations. They weren't financially independent at 40 either!

[Anonymous]

Agree with you! I'm 48 and have an 10 year old and I'm getting tired of the daily grind- working every day ( no option for telework), then come home, cook, trying to exercise, sleep for 8 hrs etc. What I want to teach my child is to get financially savvy and invest from super early on. As an immigrant, it took me a couple of years in this country to get education, get professional job. I basically lost 10 years ( from age 20-30), where people in this country already were working and paying into social security, 401K, etc. But still, I was smart enough to fully maximize my 401K, save enough to have some money in brokerage and have a house paid off by the age of 45. I married an American and he has a good pension, social security etc. and so that helps too.

[Anonymous]

Meh. I'm a single parent about to turn 50. I work FT (and always have) and my kid is in college. I exercise by taking the dog for a walk. I really should go to the gym more than twice a week but it's something. I don't have tons of money for socializing but I'm an introvert so an occasional dinner out is plenty for me. Excellent job security (I'm a teacher and we have tons of vacancies!). I'm tired but the job is a lot especially for an introvert.

[Anonymous]

This is extreme. I got my dream job at 45 with two kids and it’s 95 percent remote (travel short trips 2x a year, go in to the local office once a month) and I’m making great money. I finally started earning money in late 30s.

Ageism is real but you can develop a network and strong portfolio. I hope I don’t get laid off but if I’d be able to do consulting work for a few years if I didn’t land a job.

The cliff is real but it’s closer to late 50s, not 40 for many.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just got a great job at 47. WFH, so I’m still accessible to my teens all day. Plenty of time for working out and sleep. I feel really grateful.

See “smug” post in general parenting sub forum.

[Anonymous]

wut

you sound like an exhausted mom after too many glasses of wine who is mad her husband never helps out around the house and refers to doing anything with the kids as "babysitting."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My husband started feeling the effects of ageism when he turned 50. My best friend as well. Two different fields.

Andecdotal data, of course, but it seems to me 50 is the cut-off beyond which you are not guaranteed to find a well-paying job in your field if you need a new one, and some people will actively start shuffling you out of your existing job.

+1. Mid 40s and formulating my exit strategy. I don’t want to be doing this much longer anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you wait until your late 30s or early 40s to have kids, then yes, all of that is quite difficult to do simultaneously. If you have them earlier, it’s much easier.

+1

I’m a fed attorney. Had 3 kids between late 20s to mid 30s. My youngest will be school aged soon.

Just turned 40 and looking forward to the next decade. I’m done with pregnancy, maternity leaves, sleepless nights, diapers, etc. I have been climbing the pay scale and am about to be in the highest leave category. Tons of flexibility and telework to take off for all sorts of kid activities. No problem making it to 5 pm practices. Government doesn’t lay off people because of age, so not worried about that.

DH is 5 years older and in a fed adjacent field, high up enough with skills that are somewhat niche. He gets recruitment messages on LinkedIn all the time.

We finally feel like we’re hitting our stride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids already have investment accounts, but the reason was more what I had to endure rather than what future might bring.
I worked high stress minimum wage job for ca 18 years. To get out of it, I learned to invest.
OP, at least you seemed to have had nice time working and getting to your freedom from work hasn't been a priority. I still have nightmares from that job.
It puts the damper on my financial freedom.
Me no speaky English is one of the reason I ended up being underpaid and mistreated for so long.

Really? I think I'm mistreated because I'm a 40+ mother in a male dominated field where all the men have SAHWs. The mentality is the I should be home with my kids my household doesn't deserve my income.

But look at it from other side. At my level I make 300k and nearly all the men had SAHW. The 30 percent of women my level with kids also make 300k but had husbands making at least 300k so they had 600k to 700k income. Every time they ran out the door to pick up kids or on maternity leave the men would pick up the slack.

Of course we had to listen to their stores of their visits to France, Martha’s Vineyard and skinning in Aspen something none of us could afford.

My unpaid wife attended school events, made dinner, cleaned up, put kids to bed by herself cause I was working late covering for a women making 300k with a 400k husband. That did not go well.

They need to pay SAHWs

Are you serious? My DH and I both make 150K to get our 300k HHI without the benefit of a parent at home to do all the stuff your wife is doing while you work. But you think your wife should be given money for cleaning up, putting kids to bed, and making dinner (aka stuff my DH and I manage to do while working full time jobs and don’t get paid for). That is so ridiculous you must be a troll.

And if you’re unhappy covering for a coworker, then that is an employer issue.