At what age do you stop inviting out of town family for your kids birthday parties?

[Anonymous]

We invite them all but it’s very hard to cater to them when I have 10-15 5 year olds to entertain. I am running little kid games, fetching them food and drinks. I do have adult food but can’t chat or catch up. And then afterwards I just kind of want to relax. The day before I’m a bit stressed too.

They love being at my kids birthday parties though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stopped inviting grandparents to the actual party in preschool, when we started doing friends parties (3rd birthday onwards). Now they try to visit on the kids birthdays and we always say no. You don't have to be there ON the kids birthday, that's when we do our family celebration. Grandparents don't need to infringe on our family time. You had your kids' birthdays, let us have ours.

Seriously, newsflash grandparents ARE family.

Totally agree with this poster.

Grandparents can’t win with this generation of parents. Post after post complaining about how their kids grandparents aren’t involved. Then you have so many like PP who shut them out. There is never a time where we would have told either set of our parents they weren’t welcome to come to our home, especially for anything for our kids.

We want grandparents to be involved in that they can do responsible babysitting, can drive kid to appointments, help with homework, supprt kiddo and show pride in their accomplishments, do whatever to take the burden off parents (let's be real, mostly mom). We don't want to be hosting them (more work, less privacy), listening to unasked outdated and often irresponsible Boomer parenting protips, watching grandma dump in a week's worth of sugar in one afternoon (after she has been spoken to about it), put up with mom's late-in-life third husband who we barely know, etc etc etc

[Anonymous]

We only did it for the first birthday. After that we invited family locally up until Kindergarten but most politely declines after the 2nd year.

[Anonymous]

How is this a question? Kids love seeing their grandparents and you’re lucky your kids have grandparents who want to celebrate them. Quit being a selfish loon, OP, let the da** grandparents visit their grandkids on their birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stopped inviting grandparents to the actual party in preschool, when we started doing friends parties (3rd birthday onwards). Now they try to visit on the kids birthdays and we always say no. You don't have to be there ON the kids birthday, that's when we do our family celebration. Grandparents don't need to infringe on our family time. You had your kids' birthdays, let us have ours.

Seriously, newsflash grandparents ARE family.

I cannot tell but I hope this was sarcastic?
Totally agree with this poster.

Grandparents can’t win with this generation of parents. Post after post complaining about how their kids grandparents aren’t involved. Then you have so many like PP who shut them out. There is never a time where we would have told either set of our parents they weren’t welcome to come to our home, especially for anything for our kids.

We want grandparents to be involved in that they can do responsible babysitting, can drive kid to appointments, help with homework, supprt kiddo and show pride in their accomplishments, do whatever to take the burden off parents (let's be real, mostly mom). We don't want to be hosting them (more work, less privacy), listening to unasked outdated and often irresponsible Boomer parenting protips, watching grandma dump in a week's worth of sugar in one afternoon (after she has been spoken to about it), put up with mom's late-in-life third husband who we barely know, etc etc etc

[Anonymous]

I have invited out of town grandparents/close family for the last 3 years and will again for my daughter’s 4th. My in laws haven’t come, just my parents. We are the only members of our family in the DMV area.

Why do you have to host them? Maybe you can send the invite but if they ask to stay with you just say you won’t be able to hosts guests that weekend. We live in DC in a small apartment so that helps us I guess on the hosting duties. Usually my parents stay in a nearby hotel.

I totally get your reluctance but I’d say it would be nice to invite them but you shouldn’t feel pressured to cater to them at all. If they want to come and be guests at a kids party, they know what to expect! My parents come and help setup, serve food, watch kids, etc. My in laws have no interest in going to a kids party so they haven’t made the effort to come. My sister has come down when she happened to be in the area (she lives 12 hrs+ away) as well as a scattering of cousins over the years. Maybe you can just frame the invite as a “fyi” if you don’t want them to feel pressured. But I do think having family always make the party nicer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stopped inviting grandparents to the actual party in preschool, when we started doing friends parties (3rd birthday onwards). Now they try to visit on the kids birthdays and we always say no. You don't have to be there ON the kids birthday, that's when we do our family celebration. Grandparents don't need to infringe on our family time. You had your kids' birthdays, let us have ours.

Seriously, newsflash grandparents ARE family.

Totally agree with this poster.

Grandparents can’t win with this generation of parents. Post after post complaining about how their kids grandparents aren’t involved. Then you have so many like PP who shut them out. There is never a time where we would have told either set of our parents they weren’t welcome to come to our home, especially for anything for our kids.

We want grandparents to be involved in that they can do responsible babysitting, can drive kid to appointments, help with homework, supprt kiddo and show pride in their accomplishments, do whatever to take the burden off parents (let's be real, mostly mom). We don't want to be hosting them (more work, less privacy), listening to unasked outdated and often irresponsible Boomer parenting protips, watching grandma dump in a week's worth of sugar in one afternoon (after she has been spoken to about it), put up with mom's late-in-life third husband who we barely know, etc etc etc

While I don’t disagree with anything you said, my goal with grandparents is that we have 4 more people who my kids can look to as role models and can get love from. To teach my kids their favorite hobbies and interests, show what other excellent marriages look like, tell the history of their ancestors too and generally be present for my kids.

But yeah, I don’t have any spare time for any more burdens at this point. I’m sure when my kids are older and my parents older I will have time to help my parents age. Luckily our grandparents rock! They could work on less sugar though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stopped inviting grandparents to the actual party in preschool, when we started doing friends parties (3rd birthday onwards). Now they try to visit on the kids birthdays and we always say no. You don't have to be there ON the kids birthday, that's when we do our family celebration. Grandparents don't need to infringe on our family time. You had your kids' birthdays, let us have ours.

Seriously, newsflash grandparents ARE family.

Totally agree with this poster.

Grandparents can’t win with this generation of parents. Post after post complaining about how their kids grandparents aren’t involved. Then you have so many like PP who shut them out. There is never a time where we would have told either set of our parents they weren’t welcome to come to our home, especially for anything for our kids.

We want grandparents to be involved in that they can do responsible babysitting, can drive kid to appointments, help with homework, supprt kiddo and show pride in their accomplishments, do whatever to take the burden off parents (let's be real, mostly mom). We don't want to be hosting them (more work, less privacy), listening to unasked outdated and often irresponsible Boomer parenting protips, watching grandma dump in a week's worth of sugar in one afternoon (after she has been spoken to about it), put up with mom's late-in-life third husband who we barely know, etc etc etc

So you only want free labor to replace services you'd have to pay for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stopped inviting grandparents to the actual party in preschool, when we started doing friends parties (3rd birthday onwards). Now they try to visit on the kids birthdays and we always say no. You don't have to be there ON the kids birthday, that's when we do our family celebration. Grandparents don't need to infringe on our family time. You had your kids' birthdays, let us have ours.

Seriously, newsflash grandparents ARE family.

Totally agree with this poster.

Grandparents can’t win with this generation of parents. Post after post complaining about how their kids grandparents aren’t involved. Then you have so many like PP who shut them out. There is never a time where we would have told either set of our parents they weren’t welcome to come to our home, especially for anything for our kids.

We want grandparents to be involved in that they can do responsible babysitting, can drive kid to appointments, help with homework, supprt kiddo and show pride in their accomplishments, do whatever to take the burden off parents (let's be real, mostly mom). We don't want to be hosting them (more work, less privacy), listening to unasked outdated and often irresponsible Boomer parenting protips, watching grandma dump in a week's worth of sugar in one afternoon (after she has been spoken to about it), put up with mom's late-in-life third husband who we barely know, etc etc etc

So you only want free labor to replace services you'd have to pay for.

Right? Do they hear themselves? These are their parents they’re talking about. So yes please come when we want to put you to work but don’t burden us with your presence otherwise.

Lots of dysfunctional families out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stopped inviting grandparents to the actual party in preschool, when we started doing friends parties (3rd birthday onwards). Now they try to visit on the kids birthdays and we always say no. You don't have to be there ON the kids birthday, that's when we do our family celebration. Grandparents don't need to infringe on our family time. You had your kids' birthdays, let us have ours.

Seriously, newsflash grandparents ARE family.

Totally agree with this poster.

Grandparents can’t win with this generation of parents. Post after post complaining about how their kids grandparents aren’t involved. Then you have so many like PP who shut them out. There is never a time where we would have told either set of our parents they weren’t welcome to come to our home, especially for anything for our kids.

We want grandparents to be involved in that they can do responsible babysitting, can drive kid to appointments, help with homework, supprt kiddo and show pride in their accomplishments, do whatever to take the burden off parents (let's be real, mostly mom). We don't want to be hosting them (more work, less privacy), listening to unasked outdated and often irresponsible Boomer parenting protips, watching grandma dump in a week's worth of sugar in one afternoon (after she has been spoken to about it), put up with mom's late-in-life third husband who we barely know, etc etc etc

So you only want free labor to replace services you'd have to pay for.

Right? Do they hear themselves? These are their parents they’re talking about. So yes please come when we want to put you to work but don’t burden us with your presence otherwise.

Lots of dysfunctional families out there.

I am that poster. You are absolutely right about dysfunctional families. My mother married an alcoholic she ended up divorcing a couple years later (3rd marriage). She can barely pick up the 2 year old she is so fat and deconditioned. I left my kids in her care only once, and that was because I had to bring my dad to a medical appointment. FIL is dead from opiate OD. My dad was mostly a good dad but he is disabled now. MIL busy with second family she moved across the country for. It's sad but they're basically in their grandkid's lives a couple times a year but it is less stressful to me because there is always some kind of drama and they never bring anything to the table, at least for my mom and MIL. I guess I'm writing to give readers in a similar position to me assurances there is nothing wrong with not inviting dysfunctional people to your kid's birthday party. It is better to be somewhat selfish than to try to be the martyr and end up blowing up at a birthday party and ruining it.

[Anonymous]

If you haven't invited the family for the past 3 years I don't understand why it's an issue this year. Just have a preschool friends birthday party for the child. We unite grandparents that's it.

[Anonymous]

If there are close in age cousins, and they are close by (90 minutes or less) then I would.

If they have to stay overnight, I would not. You can host them another weekend and celebrate a birthday, but I would not invite to the party full of preschoolers.

It’s too overwhelming for many kids to have that many people vying for their attention. The kid’s friends come before family in this instance. Family can be seen another time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We stopped inviting grandparents to the actual party in preschool, when we started doing friends parties (3rd birthday onwards). Now they try to visit on the kids birthdays and we always say no. You don't have to be there ON the kids birthday, that's when we do our family celebration. Grandparents don't need to infringe on our family time. You had your kids' birthdays, let us have ours.

This is kinda weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If there are close in age cousins, and they are close by (90 minutes or less) then I would.

If they have to stay overnight, I would not. You can host them another weekend and celebrate a birthday, but I would not invite to the party full of preschoolers.

It’s too overwhelming for many kids to have that many people vying for their attention. The kid’s friends come before family in this instance. Family can be seen another time.

Right, it's the kid's day. If mom is going to be strung out and b-----y because too much is on her plate, then don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there are close in age cousins, and they are close by (90 minutes or less) then I would.

If they have to stay overnight, I would not. You can host them another weekend and celebrate a birthday, but I would not invite to the party full of preschoolers.

It’s too overwhelming for many kids to have that many people vying for their attention. The kid’s friends come before family in this instance. Family can be seen another time.

Right, it's the kid's day. If mom is going to be strung out and b-----y because too much is on her plate, then don't do it.

It sounds like strung out and b——-y is OP’s normal state.