"Why can't you just break up with Daddy?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your DH want custody, or would he be happy with supervised visitation?

“Supervised visitation?”

Wtf. What is wrong with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love all the hate against husbands without proof. Sorry, but I don't believe even 80% of the man hating here. If a husband is that bad, then the wife is partially to blame for marrying and having a baby with him. And I'm certain in all these "situations" the wife is no saint.

Confirmed. In my case, I am upset and cold because she cheated on me. I know from one for sure, and suspect from another. Yet, acts normal, like nothing happened.

It was your fault she cheated on you…

/s

(Sarcasm — but that’s how a lot of women here think)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your DH want custody, or would he be happy with supervised visitation?

“Supervised visitation?”

Wtf. What is wrong with you.

Should a 6yo really be left alone with a parent who throws “intermittent temper tantrums” all weekend?! I’m not surprised someone would suggest supervision. But that is not he way it works..

The answer doesn’t matter- the courts will give a parent like that 50/50 custody if they want it, sure. Family court system is completely screwed up.

[Anonymous]

The problem isn't the kid. It's the toxic marriage that gets worse once you add in the stress of kid dynamics. It feels suffocating. SAHMs feel similarly suffocated when they interact with kids all day long.

Your husband needs to work out or take up a physical activity like boxing, kickboxing, judo, etc. A good sweat session to get out his aggression 1-2x per week. I started doing that and it made me so much more at ease. Men need that physical outlet - its just a different form of therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as the temper isn’t toward you or the kids and he isn’t abusive to you or the kids , I am not sure why yelling in the house he pays for is a problem.

NP: have you ever been around someone like this?! Mine, during one of this fits, took a canvas photo off the wall and busted it over his knee. Then threw the canvas pieces across the room into the corner. What provoked this? Frustration with something on his laptop (I don’t recall specifically what). And that is just a tiny sample. I could tell story after story. Serious rage fits over minor issues that we all got to witness regularly. No it wasn’t “directed toward me or the kids” but YES it was a problem.

OP here - this is essentially what I'm dealing with. (Technology is often the source of frustration! Customer service representatives too.) He is also generally unpleasant and condescending, not all the time but more often than once in a while.

[Anonymous]

Dont take relationship advice from a six year old.

[Anonymous]

I remember when my daughter begged me to divorce my wife. I eventually did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dont take relationship advice from a six year old.

sure but they have a say in their family life too

[Anonymous]

I was in your exact situation, OP, and I stayed because I couldn't let my son be alone with his dad's silent treatment and inexplicable rage outbursts. He's 10 now and things have gotten a little better, and I also feel more comfortable with the idea of leaving because my son is old enough to be able to communicate with me (he has an Apple Watch now to text us.) I've also spent a lot of time helping him to understand that his dad Ms rages are not about him, so I don't think he is as vulnerable as he would have been if he was alone with his dad at 4 or 5 or 6 years old.

There are lots of good arguments for saying I should have left so that at least 50% of the time, he could have peace in his home...but I just couldn't leave him alone to deal with that kind of verbal abuse. (the silent treatment IS abusive, especially to children...but he also would throw things and scream just as yours does)

I did the best I could. I think my son is as okay as he could be right now. I think you are going to do the right thing for yourself and your son. And I'm sorry that it's so hard.

[Anonymous]

I said the same at a little older (about 11) and my parents jumped me. They are still together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs counseling and possibly meds, or you need to leave.

This is the only answer.

DH had anger issues that he resolved through therapy when I told him I was going to be out of there if he didn’t. It’s a terrible thing to live with and it’s taking me years to get over completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He needs counseling and possibly meds, or you need to leave.

This is the only answer.

DH had anger issues that he resolved through therapy when I told him I was going to be out of there if he didn’t. It’s a terrible thing to live with and it’s taking me years to get over completely.

OP here - even if he can resolve the anger, can you ever be fully relaxed around him? It's like the longer my husband goes without a blowup, the more painful it is when he finally does lose it, because I've become more comfortable and it catches me off-guard. So I'm never really at ease. As soon as he leaves the house I feel my body relax.

[Anonymous]

So your DH is an abusive narcissist? It will never get better: divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: What is his job, op? He talks about it at home so it can’t be too bad. Can’t you just listen? You listen to your son and are prepared to divorce your husband because your kid says to do it, yet you can’t or won’t let your husband vent? He can’t find home peaceful with an attitude like that.
If you don’t want to be the person he vents to (weird for a woman to say this which makes me wonder if this is a bad gender flip) are you good with paying for therapy, or having him talk with his favorite bartender or buying a musical instrument?
I also wonder if you may be provoking him, you want to make him a weekend dad only and you are using sweet soft language to make it sound acceptable. You clearly are already doing something on the weekends that don’t involve your son and husband, otherwise you’d realize the value in weekend and weekday parenting for both of you. The fact that you want to take that from your husband and then say he’ll do the thing you don’t like i.e. get angry if he “insists” on what he’s legally allowed to have really doesn’t sit well with me. It’s why I think you may be provoking him.
If you are worried about his stress (and I’m not sure you are) divorce is the last thing you want to do. He’ll need to move, as will you because you don’t want to own property with someone who is angry. He is liable to be attracted at least for a time to women who you don’t want around your son. There will be little you can do to prevent that and it will be more complicated then “Just don’t have the bimbo around the kid”.
Also, kids say all kinds of stuff. My kid had some friends whose parents are divorced and she asked us in all seriousness if we could get a divorce. We’d had an argument, and she thought “well, I’ll get 2 houses and individual fun with each parent”. I couldn’t fault her logic and observation, they made sense. They aren’t something I was going to entertain, talk about yes, for some people divorce is the answer, for us it isn’t.
Lastly, you seem a bit unrealistic to expect your kid to only have happy memories. I was your son’s age when the space shuttle Challenger blew up and I remember sitting with my dad while he cried. I also remember asking a lot of questions and he got mad at me, he didn’t have the answers, I was too young to know he didn’t have the answers, and he was too upset to explain why he didn’t have the answers. There were other times when my dad was less then pleasant, sometimes they happened during the week, sometimes they happened on the weekend, and I still think my dad is one of the best things going.
Let your husband vent or figure out what resources you all need. I could be wrong but I get the real sense you wouldn’t support music or marijuana which may really help your husband. Drums have an incredible healing power, though any instrument seems to open some neat pathways in the brain, and weed is a miracle drug when used appropriately. If your husband isn’t an addict, this could work real well for him.M any people say I’m nuts with that solution. Do some real thinking as to if you have reasonable expectations for your husband, your kid, your marriage, and if you do divorce, your husband is no longer your husband. He can date women you don’t want around your son. He can even have babies with them meaning your son will have a half-sibling. He can parent in ways you don’t like and he probably will. He won’t be there to do the boy jobs, at least he won’t be for you. You may need to move and your son may switch schools. If you have your eye on someone (and it sure sounds like you might) that person may not want to be with you, or you may not want to be with them once the mean old husband is out of the way.
Whatever you do, don’t take your kid’s opinion as serious. Address his observation with love “Daddy has some challenges he and us as a family need to get a better handle on” is all you had to say to your kid. Plan on lots of talks with your kid and plan on those talks changing over time. I’ve had some trauma and now my teen and I are at a point where she’ll openly tell me “Mom you’re getting stressed, go upstairs” which is her code for “go do some weed”. She’s generally right when she says it. I even remember her making a joke about where we could buy some if the dispensary was closed.
You loved your husband enough to marry him and have a baby, and your kid is still little. Find a way to live happily or be very clear on what divorce will do to you, your husband, and your kid. Your weekend only comment makes me think you are nowhere near thinking rationally or thoughtfully.

Get the eff out! She is not provoking him. You are a horrible person blaming the victim.