Private school lifer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the biggest difference is the older your child is when they enter private, the less connected you are likely to be to other parents, unless you’re very outgoing. Younger kids require a lot more parent involvement in their social lives (organizing playdates, staying during bday parties etc) which bonds the parents a bit more. Older kids don’t need as much of that. My kid is a lifer and I still feel more connected to the other lifer families b/c of those early days. I wouldn’t necessarily recognize some of the newer parents or kids if I saw them outside of the school setting.

100% this. my child is a lifer at a cathedral school and I don't know many parents of kids who came in 9th unless my kid does sports with them or has a very close friendship. If you are very active in the PA, you will also meet new parents but that's a small subset of people. I still know all the Beauvoir parents, even I'm not close with them--I've been interacting with them for more than a decade!

Yeah, but so what? Most kids change friendships as they age. At least normal children. Just because you are still buddy buddy with little Johnys best friend from kindergarten doesn’t mean Johny is still their friend. I get that maybe your social life revolves around the school/your little mommy clique but for those families who join later, they may shocker already have their own friends and not need you to be their friend. And guess what maybe their kid has loads of friend because of all of the lifers who are normal are wanting new friends. At least the normal ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the biggest difference is the older your child is when they enter private, the less connected you are likely to be to other parents, unless you’re very outgoing. Younger kids require a lot more parent involvement in their social lives (organizing playdates, staying during bday parties etc) which bonds the parents a bit more. Older kids don’t need as much of that. My kid is a lifer and I still feel more connected to the other lifer families b/c of those early days. I wouldn’t necessarily recognize some of the newer parents or kids if I saw them outside of the school setting.

100% this. my child is a lifer at a cathedral school and I don't know many parents of kids who came in 9th unless my kid does sports with them or has a very close friendship. If you are very active in the PA, you will also meet new parents but that's a small subset of people. I still know all the Beauvoir parents, even I'm not close with them--I've been interacting with them for more than a decade!

Who cares, though. I don’t rely on my children to make friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the biggest difference is the older your child is when they enter private, the less connected you are likely to be to other parents, unless you’re very outgoing. Younger kids require a lot more parent involvement in their social lives (organizing playdates, staying during bday parties etc) which bonds the parents a bit more. Older kids don’t need as much of that. My kid is a lifer and I still feel more connected to the other lifer families b/c of those early days. I wouldn’t necessarily recognize some of the newer parents or kids if I saw them outside of the school setting.

100% this. my child is a lifer at a cathedral school and I don't know many parents of kids who came in 9th unless my kid does sports with them or has a very close friendship. If you are very active in the PA, you will also meet new parents but that's a small subset of people. I still know all the Beauvoir parents, even I'm not close with them--I've been interacting with them for more than a decade!

Yeah, but so what? Most kids change friendships as they age. At least normal children. Just because you are still buddy buddy with little Johnys best friend from kindergarten doesn’t mean Johny is still their friend. I get that maybe your social life revolves around the school/your little mommy clique but for those families who join later, they may shocker already have their own friends and not need you to be their friend. And guess what maybe their kid has loads of friend because of all of the lifers who are normal are wanting new friends. At least the normal ones.

Np here, but you sound like you have a chip on your shoulder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the biggest difference is the older your child is when they enter private, the less connected you are likely to be to other parents, unless you’re very outgoing. Younger kids require a lot more parent involvement in their social lives (organizing playdates, staying during bday parties etc) which bonds the parents a bit more. Older kids don’t need as much of that. My kid is a lifer and I still feel more connected to the other lifer families b/c of those early days. I wouldn’t necessarily recognize some of the newer parents or kids if I saw them outside of the school setting.

100% this. my child is a lifer at a cathedral school and I don't know many parents of kids who came in 9th unless my kid does sports with them or has a very close friendship. If you are very active in the PA, you will also meet new parents but that's a small subset of people. I still know all the Beauvoir parents, even I'm not close with them--I've been interacting with them for more than a decade!

Yeah, but so what? Most kids change friendships as they age. At least normal children. Just because you are still buddy buddy with little Johnys best friend from kindergarten doesn’t mean Johny is still their friend. I get that maybe your social life revolves around the school/your little mommy clique but for those families who join later, they may shocker already have their own friends and not need you to be their friend. And guess what maybe their kid has loads of friend because of all of the lifers who are normal are wanting new friends. At least the normal ones.

Np here, but you sound like you have a chip on your shoulder.

Agree. PP sounds a bit unhinged. OP’s question was what’s the difference between starting early vs later. Connection to other families is one of the differences. Not a judgment, just an observation.

[Anonymous]

I would point out that by definition in HS the lifers are the ones who survived and thrived at the school. There were other kids who started with them and more who attended along the way who are not there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never heard the bad kids thing?! We had the opposite experience. Being the new kid makes you interesting. The opposite side of kids that have been together for years and having friend groups is that they are also a bit bored of each other and a bit too intertwined. The new kids are kind of exciting and don’t come with the baggage of having known you since you were 5.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the biggest difference is the older your child is when they enter private, the less connected you are likely to be to other parents, unless you’re very outgoing. Younger kids require a lot more parent involvement in their social lives (organizing playdates, staying during bday parties etc) which bonds the parents a bit more. Older kids don’t need as much of that. My kid is a lifer and I still feel more connected to the other lifer families b/c of those early days. I wouldn’t necessarily recognize some of the newer parents or kids if I saw them outside of the school setting.

100% this. my child is a lifer at a cathedral school and I don't know many parents of kids who came in 9th unless my kid does sports with them or has a very close friendship. If you are very active in the PA, you will also meet new parents but that's a small subset of people. I still know all the Beauvoir parents, even I'm not close with them--I've been interacting with them for more than a decade!

Yeah, but so what? Most kids change friendships as they age. At least normal children. Just because you are still buddy buddy with little Johnys best friend from kindergarten doesn’t mean Johny is still their friend. I get that maybe your social life revolves around the school/your little mommy clique but for those families who join later, they may shocker already have their own friends and not need you to be their friend. And guess what maybe their kid has loads of friend because of all of the lifers who are normal are wanting new friends. At least the normal ones.

Np here, but you sound like you have a chip on your shoulder.

Agree. PP sounds a bit unhinged. OP’s question was what’s the difference between starting early vs later. Connection to other families is one of the differences. Not a judgment, just an observation.

Interesting so many posters focused on the parent experience rather than the student experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the biggest difference is the older your child is when they enter private, the less connected you are likely to be to other parents, unless you’re very outgoing. Younger kids require a lot more parent involvement in their social lives (organizing playdates, staying during bday parties etc) which bonds the parents a bit more. Older kids don’t need as much of that. My kid is a lifer and I still feel more connected to the other lifer families b/c of those early days. I wouldn’t necessarily recognize some of the newer parents or kids if I saw them outside of the school setting.

100% this. my child is a lifer at a cathedral school and I don't know many parents of kids who came in 9th unless my kid does sports with them or has a very close friendship. If you are very active in the PA, you will also meet new parents but that's a small subset of people. I still know all the Beauvoir parents, even I'm not close with them--I've been interacting with them for more than a decade!

Yeah, but so what? Most kids change friendships as they age. At least normal children. Just because you are still buddy buddy with little Johnys best friend from kindergarten doesn’t mean Johny is still their friend. I get that maybe your social life revolves around the school/your little mommy clique but for those families who join later, they may shocker already have their own friends and not need you to be their friend. And guess what maybe their kid has loads of friend because of all of the lifers who are normal are wanting new friends. At least the normal ones.

Np here, but you sound like you have a chip on your shoulder.

Agree. PP sounds a bit unhinged. OP’s question was what’s the difference between starting early vs later. Connection to other families is one of the differences. Not a judgment, just an observation.

Interesting so many posters focused on the parent experience rather than the student experience.

Biggest thing would likely be learning curve if coming from a less competitive school.

[Anonymous]

Is the “bad kids” thing at Catholic schools? Like parish Catholic schools? Lots of people are having that experience on DCUM, which is interesting, but it’s surprising.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the “bad kids” thing at Catholic schools? Like parish Catholic schools? Lots of people are having that experience on DCUM, which is interesting, but it’s surprising.

You mean the labeling by the lifers of the new kids?

[Anonymous]

There is a difference. Most of the lifers never considered public school, even if they’re in bounds for highly rated publics. They are elitist. I say this as someone paying over $40k a year for private ES.

[Anonymous]

Elitist and fake as f*uck. The kids and parents coming from public are way more down to Earth and usually way smarter!

[Anonymous]

Our best experience was in lower school. It was pure joy...miss it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the biggest difference is the older your child is when they enter private, the less connected you are likely to be to other parents, unless you’re very outgoing. Younger kids require a lot more parent involvement in their social lives (organizing playdates, staying during bday parties etc) which bonds the parents a bit more. Older kids don’t need as much of that. My kid is a lifer and I still feel more connected to the other lifer families b/c of those early days. I wouldn’t necessarily recognize some of the newer parents or kids if I saw them outside of the school setting.

100% this. my child is a lifer at a cathedral school and I don't know many parents of kids who came in 9th unless my kid does sports with them or has a very close friendship. If you are very active in the PA, you will also meet new parents but that's a small subset of people. I still know all the Beauvoir parents, even I'm not close with them--I've been interacting with them for more than a decade!

Yeah, but so what? Most kids change friendships as they age. At least normal children. Just because you are still buddy buddy with little Johnys best friend from kindergarten doesn’t mean Johny is still their friend. I get that maybe your social life revolves around the school/your little mommy clique but for those families who join later, they may shocker already have their own friends and not need you to be their friend. And guess what maybe their kid has loads of friend because of all of the lifers who are normal are wanting new friends. At least the normal ones.

I was a non lifer at NCS and the relationships among the moms definitely continued to influence friend groups even in high school. Sometimes what might happen is that a girl who otherwise would not have remained in the clique remained but in the fringes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the biggest difference is the older your child is when they enter private, the less connected you are likely to be to other parents, unless you’re very outgoing. Younger kids require a lot more parent involvement in their social lives (organizing playdates, staying during bday parties etc) which bonds the parents a bit more. Older kids don’t need as much of that. My kid is a lifer and I still feel more connected to the other lifer families b/c of those early days. I wouldn’t necessarily recognize some of the newer parents or kids if I saw them outside of the school setting.

100% this. my child is a lifer at a cathedral school and I don't know many parents of kids who came in 9th unless my kid does sports with them or has a very close friendship. If you are very active in the PA, you will also meet new parents but that's a small subset of people. I still know all the Beauvoir parents, even I'm not close with them--I've been interacting with them for more than a decade!

Yeah, but so what? Most kids change friendships as they age. At least normal children. Just because you are still buddy buddy with little Johnys best friend from kindergarten doesn’t mean Johny is still their friend. I get that maybe your social life revolves around the school/your little mommy clique but for those families who join later, they may shocker already have their own friends and not need you to be their friend. And guess what maybe their kid has loads of friend because of all of the lifers who are normal are wanting new friends. At least the normal ones.

I’m the poster you’re referring to, and I was simply referring to/agreeing with a previous poster‘s comments. You’re right, friendships change over the years and my own child has friends from 10 years ago and newer friends too. I‘m not a super active parent in the cathedral social scene but I do know more parents from the younger days bc of volunteering/car pool etc. which was the point I was agreeing with.