How to heal relationship between schools and families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I wonder how much of this is a DMV problem. I have relatives whose kids get special ed services in other areas of the country and they do trust their teams and they don’t seem to complain about the shortage of resources.

I think some of our problems are because so many people here think they are experts and know better than the trained professionals - in all things education, not just special needs services. That sets up an unproductive relationship.

I think resources are spread thin at times due to parent behavior - demanding more than kids are entitled to, demanding teacher spoon feeding instead of using the resources that are available such as the online grading system, demanding too many meetings, . . . It says something that most parents lose at due process hearings.

I’m a parent who had an excellent experience with two very different kids with special needs. IEP eligibility varied over the years as did mainstream placement. It’s not easy or problem free to go through what amounts to 26 school years of special education. There were problems and trial and error with things not working. But parents have to partner rather than view the school with disdain and distrust. And parents need to be realistic about their kids abilities especially when they hit upper grades.

Also school systems need to broaden their programs for kids who aren’t college material so they are prepared for success in life. Which goes back to parents being realistic and accepting that kids with limits may need something different than what we dreamed of.

I find the whole ball of wax frustrating here but ultimately I feel like parents here are a lot to blame.

Thank you!! You said:
"I think some of our problems are because so many people here think they are experts and know better than the trained professionals - in all things education, not just special needs services. That sets up an unproductive relationship.

I think resources are spread thin at times due to parent behavior - demanding more than kids are entitled to, demanding teacher spoon feeding instead of using the resources that are available such as the online grading system, demanding too many meetings, . . . It says something that most parents lose at due process hearings.'

This is SO TRUE. Thank you thank you thank you. So many parents here do think they know better than the trained professionals, and are condescending and entitled. Parent behavior absolutely has a price here in the DMV and our children pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can't heal it.

Logs are demanded when there is sketchiness about provision of services. My child missed 16 weeks of Speech, and principal sent a letter that they are in the process of replacing SLP and then they will determine IF children need make-up services. No m'am, you don't determine it, it's already in IEP.

I think there are many well intentioned special education professionals, but admin requirements and constraints make them complicit. Not flagging additional issues or downplaying existing issues in order not to provide extra services. Being tight lipped with feedback on anything, even some behavioral issues so we don't request FBA, etc.

There was a good thread at the beginning of the year in MCPS forum on here, where teachers shared what they secretly wish parents knew. One of the things is that IEPs are not getting implemented as written. So no, that's not something you can "heal" with more trust.

I am taking my child out of the public school system, but good luck to you and to parents who stay.

Posters like this are the problem. Why are you even responding on a post about healing relationships?
I am a special education staff and IEPs ARE being followed and implemented. I have NEVER seen an IEP NOT be followed or implemented.You sound like a negative, hostile, bitter, resentful parent and the kind that staff ABSOLUTELY HATE. You are not helping anybody.
I'm sorry your admin said that and you experienced that- but just because YOU had a bad experience, does NOT mean that all sped staff and schools are bad. And i'm sorry- but it is NOT the end of the world that your child did not get speech!!! OMG. Your child WILL be ok!!! There is a national staff shortage!!! Do you think we have a magic wand to make a staff member appear at your building and want to work with parents like you who just bash special education staff via online forums? Seriously?? I think you need some real problems and some perspective.

if you go out to dinner and have a terrible experience, do you go online and tell everyone that all restaurants are horrible, all restaurant staff are incompetent, lets take down all restaurants, and restaurants violated your rights so you are gonna sue all restaurants? Why do you think you can do the same about your school experience? YOU ARE A HUGE PART OF THE PROBLEM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate your interest in understanding and desire to improve the relationship between schools and families. I think, though, that you haven't identified all the players in the dynamic and are conflating two of them (teachers and schools). To really understand the issues, we have to understand individual parts of 'the system' and how the parts affect/effect each other. It's not as simple as parents are angry, don't trust teachers and make teachers' lives miserable - which is what I took away from your post.

Law
Funding
School systems
Individual Schools
Principals
Teachers
School Teams
Parents
Students

I think most everyone agrees that special education is an underfunded entitlement and if there were more funding available, conflict would be reduced as there would be fewer battles for limited resources.

School systems, schools, prinicipals, teachers and school teams will not/cannot tell parents that the services they are required, by law, to provide, are unfunded and, therefore, unavailable. Parents know their children need and are entitled to those resources and, understandably, get angry/frustrated/desperate when denied. Teachers often recognize students needs aren't being fulfilled, feel parents' demands/anger/frustration, put in a lot of time/effort/care into their jobs and, understandably, become dissastisfied with teaching......you see where I'm going with this simplistic systems analysis.

Throw in poor school leadership, low pay, etc. and it makes things that much worse.

I am one of the PPs. It's not unfunded. MCPS and FCPS are some of the richest school districts in the country. It's about how they use the resources, and what they chose to prioritize instead of special education (hint: equity window dressing).

It is also partly because parents here have higher expectations than FAPE.
FAPE is very clear. Parents here want more than FAPE.
Bottom line, you want more special education teachers? Treat them with more RESPECT, pay them more money, give them better working conditions. Parents trash talking them online and attacking TEACHERS instead of the SYSTEM does not help the situation.

[Anonymous]

As a parent, we have been lied to, denied services for our kid, told things were in our imagination, test scores and abilities have been fabricated (and yes we have proof) etc… there is no healing until teachers and admins stop lying to families.

You might think the parents are the problem but a little self reflection might help. I know we are the only ones that care about our child. The schools have made that very clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel for the teachers, but sometimes it feels like they don't feel for the parents. Frankly, the biggest issue I have is that it rarely feels like we're really a team. I feel judged when they call or email about some kind of issue. It's not always clear what they are telling me for and what they want from me - like, okay, this thing happened and it feels like you want me to promise to work with him at home on it, but I doubt anything I'm going to do at home is going to solve this thing that happened in school, and it's also not that this thing happened at school due to my poor parenting at home... So, what is it I'm supposed to do about it? I'm not calling the teacher to complain about things at home like it's her fault (maybe some parents do - I don't know). If I really felt it was a brainstorming session where we were all willing to work on something, change, and support, I might be more open to it. TBH, I feel like way about all the professionals in our lives when they call/msg about stuff - therapist, doctors, etc.

I am a special Ed teacher and I agree that there are teachers that blame behavior on the family. I absolutely hate when a teacher implies this or communicates this to a family who has a special needs child. I mostly see this with Gen Ed teachers who have not been sufficiently educated about disabilities, and that type of professional development is desperately needed, especially now that the push is inclusion with Gen Ed teachers providing the services. I feel for the families, and the last thing I want to do is to add more stress to my students’ evening and nights. The most important things families can do is provide a safe place for their kids in the evenings, with a predictable routine, a good meal, and a good nights sleep, and even this can be challenging for families. The last thing they need is to try to address behaviors that happened during the school day, that is up to the school to problem solve what strategies can be put in place to reduce behaviors during the school day.

There have been families that have blamed their students behavior at home on the school, and stress from the school day can absolutely have an impact on behaviors after school. That’s why collaboration and partnership is so crucial between school and home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I wonder how much of this is a DMV problem. I have relatives whose kids get special ed services in other areas of the country and they do trust their teams and they don’t seem to complain about the shortage of resources.

I think some of our problems are because so many people here think they are experts and know better than the trained professionals - in all things education, not just special needs services. That sets up an unproductive relationship.

I think resources are spread thin at times due to parent behavior - demanding more than kids are entitled to, demanding teacher spoon feeding instead of using the resources that are available such as the online grading system, demanding too many meetings, . . . It says something that most parents lose at due process hearings.

I’m a parent who had an excellent experience with two very different kids with special needs. IEP eligibility varied over the years as did mainstream placement. It’s not easy or problem free to go through what amounts to 26 school years of special education. There were problems and trial and error with things not working. But parents have to partner rather than view the school with disdain and distrust. And parents need to be realistic about their kids abilities especially when they hit upper grades.

Also school systems need to broaden their programs for kids who aren’t college material so they are prepared for success in life. Which goes back to parents being realistic and accepting that kids with limits may need something different than what we dreamed of.

I find the whole ball of wax frustrating here but ultimately I feel like parents here are a lot to blame.

Thank you!! You said:
"I think some of our problems are because so many people here think they are experts and know better than the trained professionals - in all things education, not just special needs services. That sets up an unproductive relationship.

I think resources are spread thin at times due to parent behavior - demanding more than kids are entitled to, demanding teacher spoon feeding instead of using the resources that are available such as the online grading system, demanding too many meetings, . . . It says something that most parents lose at due process hearings.'

This is SO TRUE. Thank you thank you thank you. So many parents here do think they know better than the trained professionals, and are condescending and entitled. Parent behavior absolutely has a price here in the DMV and our children pay.

This type of attitude of school personnel towards parents trying to help their children is why parents justifiable mistrust them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me, I think it is the lack of funding/resources at the school level.

Background: When my child was struggling in reading in first grade, the school said they were not enough behind to get any help.

Comes second grade, child is still struggling. No help from the school, we get a private tutor because child comes home crying. We needed to do something to help the child, so we schedule testing. At of second grade, we do private testing and child was diagnosed with dyslexia.

IEP: Only after the private testing we were able to get an IEP and help from school. The school lost my trust during this process. They can’t (or want) provide enough resources| hours to remediate the issue. Child is still in private tutoring.

School: I do believe the sped department is doing the best they can with the limited resources they have, but it is not enough for my child (and many more).

I think about all time… what will happen to the kids like my child that don’t have the same support at home, what will happen to them?

We had a similar experience- it wasn’t until 5th grade and DD was 3 years behind in reading that she was found eligible for an IEP. We later found out the special Ed chair at this particular school is the gatekeeper and does everything in her power at local screening meetings to say there’s insufficient evidence for an evaluation.

[Anonymous]

one thing that I think would help would be if parents under the concept of ranges and percentile ranks.
Just because your child is so smart and a genius at home, it doesn't mean they need to be in AAP and/or achieving "at the top of their potential".
25th percentile is average, and it's okay to be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can't heal it.

Logs are demanded when there is sketchiness about provision of services. My child missed 16 weeks of Speech, and principal sent a letter that they are in the process of replacing SLP and then they will determine IF children need make-up services. No m'am, you don't determine it, it's already in IEP.

I think there are many well intentioned special education professionals, but admin requirements and constraints make them complicit. Not flagging additional issues or downplaying existing issues in order not to provide extra services. Being tight lipped with feedback on anything, even some behavioral issues so we don't request FBA, etc.

There was a good thread at the beginning of the year in MCPS forum on here, where teachers shared what they secretly wish parents knew. One of the things is that IEPs are not getting implemented as written. So no, that's not something you can "heal" with more trust.

I am taking my child out of the public school system, but good luck to you and to parents who stay.

Posters like this are the problem. Why are you even responding on a post about healing relationships?
I am a special education staff and IEPs ARE being followed and implemented. I have NEVER seen an IEP NOT be followed or implemented.You sound like a negative, hostile, bitter, resentful parent and the kind that staff ABSOLUTELY HATE. You are not helping anybody.
I'm sorry your admin said that and you experienced that- but just because YOU had a bad experience, does NOT mean that all sped staff and schools are bad. And i'm sorry- but it is NOT the end of the world that your child did not get speech!!! OMG. Your child WILL be ok!!! There is a national staff shortage!!! Do you think we have a magic wand to make a staff member appear at your building and want to work with parents like you who just bash special education staff via online forums? Seriously?? I think you need some real problems and some perspective.

if you go out to dinner and have a terrible experience, do you go online and tell everyone that all restaurants are horrible, all restaurant staff are incompetent, lets take down all restaurants, and restaurants violated your rights so you are gonna sue all restaurants? Why do you think you can do the same about your school experience? YOU ARE A HUGE PART OF THE PROBLEM.

DP. Wow. I recognize your posts on this thread and others. I'm sure I'm not the only one. As a PP said, some self-reflection would serve you well.

I am what FCPS created. I went in to the special ed world hopeful and trusting. I freely shared information, therapy objectives, private assessments, medical evaluations, etc. Only to be dismissed because, as you've noted, I, and my service providers weren't educators and 'they' knew better. And, it wasn't just one kid, it was two. As time has proven, 'they' did not know better. Had I not been the advocate I was, my kids would not have been okay as you so dismissively assert.

You embody all the negative experiences I've had with FCPS. It's clear I'm not the only one learned the lessons their school system taught them. It's unfortunate you choose to remain ignorant of your role in creating parents you despise and openly disrespect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:one thing that I think would help would be if parents under the concept of ranges and percentile ranks.
Just because your child is so smart and a genius at home, it doesn't mean they need to be in AAP and/or achieving "at the top of their potential".
25th percentile is average, and it's okay to be there.

<sigh> One thing that would help is if teachers better understood that just because a student earns passing grades doesn't mean they aren't eligible for special ed services.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can't heal it.

Logs are demanded when there is sketchiness about provision of services. My child missed 16 weeks of Speech, and principal sent a letter that they are in the process of replacing SLP and then they will determine IF children need make-up services. No m'am, you don't determine it, it's already in IEP.

I think there are many well intentioned special education professionals, but admin requirements and constraints make them complicit. Not flagging additional issues or downplaying existing issues in order not to provide extra services. Being tight lipped with feedback on anything, even some behavioral issues so we don't request FBA, etc.

There was a good thread at the beginning of the year in MCPS forum on here, where teachers shared what they secretly wish parents knew. One of the things is that IEPs are not getting implemented as written. So no, that's not something you can "heal" with more trust.

I am taking my child out of the public school system, but good luck to you and to parents who stay.

Posters like this are the problem. Why are you even responding on a post about healing relationships?
I am a special education staff and IEPs ARE being followed and implemented. I have NEVER seen an IEP NOT be followed or implemented.You sound like a negative, hostile, bitter, resentful parent and the kind that staff ABSOLUTELY HATE. You are not helping anybody.
I'm sorry your admin said that and you experienced that- but just because YOU had a bad experience, does NOT mean that all sped staff and schools are bad. And i'm sorry- but it is NOT the end of the world that your child did not get speech!!! OMG. Your child WILL be ok!!! There is a national staff shortage!!! Do you think we have a magic wand to make a staff member appear at your building and want to work with parents like you who just bash special education staff via online forums? Seriously?? I think you need some real problems and some perspective.

if you go out to dinner and have a terrible experience, do you go online and tell everyone that all restaurants are horrible, all restaurant staff are incompetent, lets take down all restaurants, and restaurants violated your rights so you are gonna sue all restaurants? Why do you think you can do the same about your school experience? YOU ARE A HUGE PART OF THE PROBLEM.

^^^ Low Praxis score alert!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:one thing that I think would help would be if parents under the concept of ranges and percentile ranks.
Just because your child is so smart and a genius at home, it doesn't mean they need to be in AAP and/or achieving "at the top of their potential".
25th percentile is average, and it's okay to be there.

That's...not what the law says though. Did your school not train you on Endrew?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can't heal it.

Logs are demanded when there is sketchiness about provision of services. My child missed 16 weeks of Speech, and principal sent a letter that they are in the process of replacing SLP and then they will determine IF children need make-up services. No m'am, you don't determine it, it's already in IEP.

I think there are many well intentioned special education professionals, but admin requirements and constraints make them complicit. Not flagging additional issues or downplaying existing issues in order not to provide extra services. Being tight lipped with feedback on anything, even some behavioral issues so we don't request FBA, etc.

There was a good thread at the beginning of the year in MCPS forum on here, where teachers shared what they secretly wish parents knew. One of the things is that IEPs are not getting implemented as written. So no, that's not something you can "heal" with more trust.

I am taking my child out of the public school system, but good luck to you and to parents who stay.

Posters like this are the problem. Why are you even responding on a post about healing relationships?
I am a special education staff and IEPs ARE being followed and implemented. I have NEVER seen an IEP NOT be followed or implemented.You sound like a negative, hostile, bitter, resentful parent and the kind that staff ABSOLUTELY HATE. You are not helping anybody.
I'm sorry your admin said that and you experienced that- but just because YOU had a bad experience, does NOT mean that all sped staff and schools are bad. And i'm sorry- but it is NOT the end of the world that your child did not get speech!!! OMG. Your child WILL be ok!!! There is a national staff shortage!!! Do you think we have a magic wand to make a staff member appear at your building and want to work with parents like you who just bash special education staff via online forums? Seriously?? I think you need some real problems and some perspective.

if you go out to dinner and have a terrible experience, do you go online and tell everyone that all restaurants are horrible, all restaurant staff are incompetent, lets take down all restaurants, and restaurants violated your rights so you are gonna sue all restaurants? Why do you think you can do the same about your school experience? YOU ARE A HUGE PART OF THE PROBLEM.

^^^ Low Praxis score alert!

You are so wrong. You prove the point of the original poster. Your ignorance and self righteousness doesn’t work with me and my very competent special education colleagues. I would feel sorry for you if you weren’t so despicable. Please get therapy to help you understand and accept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:one thing that I think would help would be if parents under the concept of ranges and percentile ranks.
Just because your child is so smart and a genius at home, it doesn't mean they need to be in AAP and/or achieving "at the top of their potential".
25th percentile is average, and it's okay to be there.

That's...not what the law says though. Did your school not train you on Endrew?

There’s a lot more nuance here, but the law does not say that every child is entitled to any service they need to reach whatever their “potential” is (because potential is a nebulous thing that is not easily defined by any one score. I’ve had parents ask for IEP goals that would place their child above grade level because “that’s where they should be achieving based on their potential”. Maybe special Ed law does allow for that, but it’s a gross misuse of resources in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can't heal it.

Logs are demanded when there is sketchiness about provision of services. My child missed 16 weeks of Speech, and principal sent a letter that they are in the process of replacing SLP and then they will determine IF children need make-up services. No m'am, you don't determine it, it's already in IEP.

I think there are many well intentioned special education professionals, but admin requirements and constraints make them complicit. Not flagging additional issues or downplaying existing issues in order not to provide extra services. Being tight lipped with feedback on anything, even some behavioral issues so we don't request FBA, etc.

There was a good thread at the beginning of the year in MCPS forum on here, where teachers shared what they secretly wish parents knew. One of the things is that IEPs are not getting implemented as written. So no, that's not something you can "heal" with more trust.

I am taking my child out of the public school system, but good luck to you and to parents who stay.

Posters like this are the problem. Why are you even responding on a post about healing relationships?
I am a special education staff and IEPs ARE being followed and implemented. I have NEVER seen an IEP NOT be followed or implemented.You sound like a negative, hostile, bitter, resentful parent and the kind that staff ABSOLUTELY HATE. You are not helping anybody.
I'm sorry your admin said that and you experienced that- but just because YOU had a bad experience, does NOT mean that all sped staff and schools are bad. And i'm sorry- but it is NOT the end of the world that your child did not get speech!!! OMG. Your child WILL be ok!!! There is a national staff shortage!!! Do you think we have a magic wand to make a staff member appear at your building and want to work with parents like you who just bash special education staff via online forums? Seriously?? I think you need some real problems and some perspective.

if you go out to dinner and have a terrible experience, do you go online and tell everyone that all restaurants are horrible, all restaurant staff are incompetent, lets take down all restaurants, and restaurants violated your rights so you are gonna sue all restaurants? Why do you think you can do the same about your school experience? YOU ARE A HUGE PART OF THE PROBLEM.

^^^ Low Praxis score alert!

You are so wrong. You prove the point of the original poster. Your ignorance and self righteousness doesn’t work with me and my very competent special education colleagues. I would feel sorry for you if you weren’t so despicable. Please get therapy to help you understand and accept.

Ma'am I am one of your Special Education colleagues. A child missing FOUR MONTHS of a service is a HUGE deal! Your response to this parent is wild. Saying this with love, but you sound burnt the f out. Have you considered taking a sabbatical from the classroom and applying for an EdTech job?