How to heal relationship between schools and families.

[Anonymous]

To heal the relationship, school administrators and SN teachers/Staff need to become advocates for SN students instead of compliant perpetrators.
If your complaint is "we don't have the budget" so we can't help your child then do something about it.
Just getting mad at parents who *are* trying to advocate for their children makes for a toxic relationship.
If I worked for a company that sold fish but the management said they don't have the budget for refrigerators, I wouldn't turn around and get mad at customers who complain about rotten fish.
Parents see you as rotten fish mongers.
Do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To heal the relationship, school administrators and SN teachers/Staff need to become advocates for SN students instead of compliant perpetrators.
If your complaint is "we don't have the budget" so we can't help your child then do something about it.
Just getting mad at parents who *are* trying to advocate for their children makes for a toxic relationship.
If I worked for a company that sold fish but the management said they don't have the budget for refrigerators, I wouldn't turn around and get mad at customers who complain about rotten fish.
Parents see you as rotten fish mongers.
Do better.

+1 Parents are not itching for their child to need special education. They don't go to IEP meetings for fun. They advocate for their children because their children need it. It's very stressful, and they are often outnumbered and talked down to. But they know nobody else will advocate for their kid like they will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To heal the relationship, school administrators and SN teachers/Staff need to become advocates for SN students instead of compliant perpetrators.
If your complaint is "we don't have the budget" so we can't help your child then do something about it.
Just getting mad at parents who *are* trying to advocate for their children makes for a toxic relationship.
If I worked for a company that sold fish but the management said they don't have the budget for refrigerators, I wouldn't turn around and get mad at customers who complain about rotten fish.
Parents see you as rotten fish mongers.
Do better.

+1 Parents are not itching for their child to need special education. They don't go to IEP meetings for fun. They advocate for their children because their children need it. It's very stressful, and they are often outnumbered and talked down to. But they know nobody else will advocate for their kid like they will.

+2 From a mom who had to correct the SLP at a recent IEP meeting, after she tried to correct something I said and about which she was wrong. Good times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To heal the relationship, school administrators and SN teachers/Staff need to become advocates for SN students instead of compliant perpetrators.
If your complaint is "we don't have the budget" so we can't help your child then do something about it.
Just getting mad at parents who *are* trying to advocate for their children makes for a toxic relationship.
If I worked for a company that sold fish but the management said they don't have the budget for refrigerators, I wouldn't turn around and get mad at customers who complain about rotten fish.
Parents see you as rotten fish mongers.
Do better.

+1 Parents are not itching for their child to need special education. They don't go to IEP meetings for fun. They advocate for their children because their children need it. It's very stressful, and they are often outnumbered and talked down to. But they know nobody else will advocate for their kid like they will.

+2 From a mom who had to correct the SLP at a recent IEP meeting, after she tried to correct something I said and about which she was wrong. Good times.

I'm middle aged. I've had to seek out anxiety medicine for the first time in my life because of the schools mishandling of my SN child's education. We aren't doing this for fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To heal the relationship, school administrators and SN teachers/Staff need to become advocates for SN students instead of compliant perpetrators.
If your complaint is "we don't have the budget" so we can't help your child then do something about it.
Just getting mad at parents who *are* trying to advocate for their children makes for a toxic relationship.
If I worked for a company that sold fish but the management said they don't have the budget for refrigerators, I wouldn't turn around and get mad at customers who complain about rotten fish.
Parents see you as rotten fish mongers.
Do better.

+1 Parents are not itching for their child to need special education. They don't go to IEP meetings for fun. They advocate for their children because their children need it. It's very stressful, and they are often outnumbered and talked down to. But they know nobody else will advocate for their kid like they will.

+2 From a mom who had to correct the SLP at a recent IEP meeting, after she tried to correct something I said and about which she was wrong. Good times.

I'm middle aged. I've had to seek out anxiety medicine for the first time in my life because of the schools mishandling of my SN child's education. We aren't doing this for fun.

Ugh - I am so, so sorry, PP. Seeing our SN kids struggle is hard enough. No one signed up for the added IEP stress of it all. Hang in there and good for you for taking care of yourself (Wellbutrin for me).

[Anonymous]

FYI Sped educators and staff are quitting in droves because of the terrible work condition they had to endure. There will be no one for families to ‘heal the relationship’ with because the educators want out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been thinking a lot on this topic, because there is what I see as a huge issue facing special education that makes outcomes worse for students. Disclaimer- I am a special educator who also has a child with ADHD, which makes me see things from both sides, the good and the bad.

Parents do not trust their schools. Sometimes for good reason- they’ve had bad experiences. Sometimes because they see a different child at home than their teachers do at school. I myself did not trust my child’s teacher when she said she was doing well and only needed a 504, because this child is a mess!! I live with her and see how disorganized she is. And sometimes for no good reason. Maybe someone on this board posted not to trust their school, or they have big misconceptions about the purpose of special education and allocation of resources.

The most talented special education professionals leave because of this. My friend, who is in my humble opinion an incredible teacher, left because she had many parents of her students who made it clear they didn’t trust her. They continually demanded daily email responses, logs of services provided, and 6 IEP meetings per year, each a contentious multi hour process. I have switched to a title one school, which I love because the parents are generally very grateful that we are helping their child and trusting of us as professionals. Special education positions aren’t easy to fill, and resources aren’t getting any more allocated to us by either political party. I think healing the anger that families feel is our first step towards success for our students. . I’m open to ideas on how we can do that ,

You answered your own question in the first paragraph:
"They have a big misconception about the purpose of special education and allocation of resources "

The law does not state that children with disabilities (who's disabilities effect that child's ability to access the curriculum) will be helped in order of what money is available. It does not state that children with disabilities will be helped to the extent that the school can with whatever change is left over at the end of the day.

If you would like to fix SpecEd then go to yoir school board and demand proper funding.
If we seem angry it's because WE ARE.

I see my child slipping through the cracks much in the same way we (parents) did at that age. Only now, we know the diagnosis, we know the why, we even know the how's and we know what the law says. But schools will do cartwheels and stand on their heads to avoid helping.

You realize that kids with autism are HIGHLY likely to become dysfunctional members of society without jobs or support. You, at a critical juncture in their lives, could make a difference. But you won't.

Kids with ADHD are much more likely to end up as addicts, to fail to launch out of their parents homes. But you could make a difference. Now. During the developmental years. But you're afraid of admin being mad at you.

That's why we're upset

You said: If you would like to fix SpecEd then go to yoir school board and demand proper funding.
If we seem angry it's because WE ARE.

No- it is YOUR job as parents to go to the school board and government and demand change. Teachers do NOT Have time. They are overextended doing their JOB. Further, even if/when teachers DO go to the school board, there is no change. This is not the teachers, schools, or school admins responsibility. We are not in charge of staffing, budget, policies, curriculum, etc. So how about you be mad at the POLICIES, SCHOOL BOARD, and GOVERNMENT (and the tax payers/voters) INSTEAD OF THE TEACHERS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FYI Sped educators and staff are quitting in droves because of the terrible work condition they had to endure. There will be no one for families to ‘heal the relationship’ with because the educators want out.

NP. I have a DC with ADHD but my expectations of the school system are "realistic" based on (limited) resources available. But I see many parents whose expectations are sometimes way out-of-line. Unreasonable demands on educators hurts the entire system and forces them to cut corners across the board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FYI Sped educators and staff are quitting in droves because of the terrible work condition they had to endure. There will be no one for families to ‘heal the relationship’ with because the educators want out.

I hear that. SN parents are not the reason for the horrible conditions though. They are just an easy target. You can't get more resources from your bosses. You can't wave your magic wand and lessen the needs of the kids. You can find reasons to not provide services and the parents that fight this stand in the way. They are fighting for their kids. They are not the bad guys, but they do make your jobs harder. I get that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To heal the relationship, school administrators and SN teachers/Staff need to become advocates for SN students instead of compliant perpetrators.
If your complaint is "we don't have the budget" so we can't help your child then do something about it.
Just getting mad at parents who *are* trying to advocate for their children makes for a toxic relationship.
If I worked for a company that sold fish but the management said they don't have the budget for refrigerators, I wouldn't turn around and get mad at customers who complain about rotten fish.
Parents see you as rotten fish mongers.
Do better.

Nope. What will happen, and what is in fact happening, is that the fish mongers are all quitting, as is their right. If they can't stand their management or the customers, why would they continue to work there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FYI Sped educators and staff are quitting in droves because of the terrible work condition they had to endure. There will be no one for families to ‘heal the relationship’ with because the educators want out.

FYI, I honestly don't care. If you look at the measursbles of how well my child is doing with spec Ed vs before spec Ed you will find that--- Surprise! There is no honest measure and they are just as bad off now as they were before spec Ed.

Aside from perhaps dyslexia and other reading disorders, the special Ed department seems to be winging it and winging it poorly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FYI Sped educators and staff are quitting in droves because of the terrible work condition they had to endure. There will be no one for families to ‘heal the relationship’ with because the educators want out.

FYI, I honestly don't care. If you look at the measursbles of how well my child is doing with spec Ed vs before spec Ed you will find that--- Surprise! There is no honest measure and they are just as bad off now as they were before spec Ed.

Aside from perhaps dyslexia and other reading disorders, the special Ed department seems to be winging it and winging it poorly.

Oh they are winging it poorly for dyslexia too. And I agree, special ed is awful. I don’t care if everyone leaves maybe then the system will change or we can start doing something completely different for education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been thinking a lot on this topic, because there is what I see as a huge issue facing special education that makes outcomes worse for students. Disclaimer- I am a special educator who also has a child with ADHD, which makes me see things from both sides, the good and the bad.

Parents do not trust their schools. Sometimes for good reason- they’ve had bad experiences. Sometimes because they see a different child at home than their teachers do at school. I myself did not trust my child’s teacher when she said she was doing well and only needed a 504, because this child is a mess!! I live with her and see how disorganized she is. And sometimes for no good reason. Maybe someone on this board posted not to trust their school, or they have big misconceptions about the purpose of special education and allocation of resources.

The most talented special education professionals leave because of this. My friend, who is in my humble opinion an incredible teacher, left because she had many parents of her students who made it clear they didn’t trust her. They continually demanded daily email responses, logs of services provided, and 6 IEP meetings per year, each a contentious multi hour process. I have switched to a title one school, which I love because the parents are generally very grateful that we are helping their child and trusting of us as professionals. Special education positions aren’t easy to fill, and resources aren’t getting any more allocated to us by either political party. I think healing the anger that families feel is our first step towards success for our students. . I’m open to ideas on how we can do that ,

You answered your own question in the first paragraph:
"They have a big misconception about the purpose of special education and allocation of resources "

The law does not state that children with disabilities (who's disabilities effect that child's ability to access the curriculum) will be helped in order of what money is available. It does not state that children with disabilities will be helped to the extent that the school can with whatever change is left over at the end of the day.

If you would like to fix SpecEd then go to yoir school board and demand proper funding.
If we seem angry it's because WE ARE.

I see my child slipping through the cracks much in the same way we (parents) did at that age. Only now, we know the diagnosis, we know the why, we even know the how's and we know what the law says. But schools will do cartwheels and stand on their heads to avoid helping.

You realize that kids with autism are HIGHLY likely to become dysfunctional members of society without jobs or support. You, at a critical juncture in their lives, could make a difference. But you won't.

Kids with ADHD are much more likely to end up as addicts, to fail to launch out of their parents homes. But you could make a difference. Now. During the developmental years. But you're afraid of admin being mad at you.

That's why we're upset

You said: If you would like to fix SpecEd then go to yoir school board and demand proper funding.
If we seem angry it's because WE ARE.

No- it is YOUR job as parents to go to the school board and government and demand change. Teachers do NOT Have time. They are overextended doing their JOB. Further, even if/when teachers DO go to the school board, there is no change. This is not the teachers, schools, or school admins responsibility. We are not in charge of staffing, budget, policies, curriculum, etc. So how about you be mad at the POLICIES, SCHOOL BOARD, and GOVERNMENT (and the tax payers/voters) INSTEAD OF THE TEACHERS.

If I had that career ethic I'd quit too. Of course parents aren't going to fight the school board. They are in the system for a very brief amount of time. You are there for your whole career. Standing up means outing your child's special needs wheras you are proudly the SN hero. SN parents are a slim fraction of the voting population whereas you represent a legal requirement the schools must provide. We are on our own you have a union behind you.
Many fields have professional associations that lobby for benchmarks and standards. Those organizations are responsible for improving the quality of deliverable in their fields. Your answer is 'waa why me?'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FYI Sped educators and staff are quitting in droves because of the terrible work condition they had to endure. There will be no one for families to ‘heal the relationship’ with because the educators want out.

FYI, I honestly don't care. If you look at the measursbles of how well my child is doing with spec Ed vs before spec Ed you will find that--- Surprise! There is no honest measure and they are just as bad off now as they were before spec Ed.

Aside from perhaps dyslexia and other reading disorders, the special Ed department seems to be winging it and winging it poorly.

Oh they are winging it poorly for dyslexia too. And I agree, special ed is awful. I don’t care if everyone leaves maybe then the system will change or we can start doing something completely different for education.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been thinking a lot on this topic, because there is what I see as a huge issue facing special education that makes outcomes worse for students. Disclaimer- I am a special educator who also has a child with ADHD, which makes me see things from both sides, the good and the bad.

Parents do not trust their schools. Sometimes for good reason- they’ve had bad experiences. Sometimes because they see a different child at home than their teachers do at school. I myself did not trust my child’s teacher when she said she was doing well and only needed a 504, because this child is a mess!! I live with her and see how disorganized she is. And sometimes for no good reason. Maybe someone on this board posted not to trust their school, or they have big misconceptions about the purpose of special education and allocation of resources.

The most talented special education professionals leave because of this. My friend, who is in my humble opinion an incredible teacher, left because she had many parents of her students who made it clear they didn’t trust her. They continually demanded daily email responses, logs of services provided, and 6 IEP meetings per year, each a contentious multi hour process. I have switched to a title one school, which I love because the parents are generally very grateful that we are helping their child and trusting of us as professionals. Special education positions aren’t easy to fill, and resources aren’t getting any more allocated to us by either political party. I think healing the anger that families feel is our first step towards success for our students. . I’m open to ideas on how we can do that ,

You answered your own question in the first paragraph:
"They have a big misconception about the purpose of special education and allocation of resources "

The law does not state that children with disabilities (who's disabilities effect that child's ability to access the curriculum) will be helped in order of what money is available. It does not state that children with disabilities will be helped to the extent that the school can with whatever change is left over at the end of the day.

If you would like to fix SpecEd then go to yoir school board and demand proper funding.
If we seem angry it's because WE ARE.

I see my child slipping through the cracks much in the same way we (parents) did at that age. Only now, we know the diagnosis, we know the why, we even know the how's and we know what the law says. But schools will do cartwheels and stand on their heads to avoid helping.

You realize that kids with autism are HIGHLY likely to become dysfunctional members of society without jobs or support. You, at a critical juncture in their lives, could make a difference. But you won't.

Kids with ADHD are much more likely to end up as addicts, to fail to launch out of their parents homes. But you could make a difference. Now. During the developmental years. But you're afraid of admin being mad at you.

That's why we're upset

You said: If you would like to fix SpecEd then go to yoir school board and demand proper funding.
If we seem angry it's because WE ARE.

No- it is YOUR job as parents to go to the school board and government and demand change. Teachers do NOT Have time. They are overextended doing their JOB. Further, even if/when teachers DO go to the school board, there is no change. This is not the teachers, schools, or school admins responsibility. We are not in charge of staffing, budget, policies, curriculum, etc. So how about you be mad at the POLICIES, SCHOOL BOARD, and GOVERNMENT (and the tax payers/voters) INSTEAD OF THE TEACHERS.

If I had that career ethic I'd quit too. Of course parents aren't going to fight the school board. They are in the system for a very brief amount of time. You are there for your whole career. Standing up means outing your child's special needs wheras you are proudly the SN hero. SN parents are a slim fraction of the voting population whereas you represent a legal requirement the schools must provide. We are on our own you have a union behind you.
Many fields have professional associations that lobby for benchmarks and standards. Those organizations are responsible for improving the quality of deliverable in their fields. Your answer is 'waa why me?'

Wow. You are so ignorant and wrong, it is so sad. You are just clueless. Teachers have no power over the system, or to make system change. And it’s not their responsibility. That is your responsibility as parents to advocate for change- and the change you want comes from those in charge-, at the school board, central office, government level.