Ex showed up drunk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand what you mean by a commitment.

Do you mean:

Monogamy/sexual exclusivity
Mingled finances
Engagement
Definite near-term wedding plans

No way I'd be living with someone who is still dating others...

OP here. I want to get engaged. We have been sexually exclusive from day 1. We were friends first before we started dating and I was the first and only woman he slept with a year after his breakup.

[Anonymous]

It seems he's afraid of commitment due to his past relationship, and you're afraid of wasting time without commitment based on your past relationship. You both have baggage and are reacting accordingly, and unfortunately, it's causing a problem because you're going in opposite directions. If you're interested in saving the relationship I would sit down and have an honest conversation about both of your fears and past hurts. Then see if you can find a way to meet in the middle. Are you each in individual counseling? It may be worth it. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don’t believe in counseling. I don’t have much respect for psychologists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s crazy because I’ve known him for 3 years now and he is always the most calm and collected man I know. Our communication skills have been top notch until this. I know I hurt when I didn’t tell him I was looking for other jobs but I don’t what to say anything until I got a new job.

His ex did a number on him. They got engaged at her insistence and then she cheated and sold the engagement ring. He came home from a business trip and she had moved out and then blocked him. This was years ago but I think he’s still scarred by it.

You're only hearing about the old relationship from one perspective. I wouldn't be so quick to assume that he was the blameless victim or to blame her for his behavior in your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have no kids and are not married. We have been friends for 2 years and dating for a little under 1 year. We broke up because he wants to move in together and I told him I needed more of a commitment before living together. He said he felt I gave him an ultimatum. This was after another fight we had where I didn’t tell him I was applying to other jobs with the hopes to leave my job. He accused me of not being open with him on important issues.

It doesn’t sound like you like him that much. Let him go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don’t believe in counseling. I don’t have much respect for psychologists.

LOL

[Anonymous]

You don’t believe in therapy but you’re asking Internet strangers for advice? Hilarious

[Anonymous]

You both have some maturing to do. None of what you mentioned should lead to a break up. it should lead to further conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s crazy because I’ve known him for 3 years now and he is always the most calm and collected man I know. Our communication skills have been top notch until this. I know I hurt when I didn’t tell him I was looking for other jobs but I don’t what to say anything until I got a new job.

His ex did a number on him. They got engaged at her insistence and then she cheated and sold the engagement ring. He came home from a business trip and she had moved out and then blocked him. This was years ago but I think he’s still scarred by it.

You're only hearing about the old relationship from one perspective. I wouldn't be so quick to assume that he was the blameless victim or to blame her for his behavior in your relationship.

OP here. I’ve met her and hung out with her several times in groups. She is crazy. Got pregnant by the guy she cheated with but is engaged to someone else. My ex never did anything wrong to warrant issues. She was also abusive to him many times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t believe in therapy but you’re asking Internet strangers for advice? Hilarious

OP here. Almost all the psychologists I know are super crazy and only got into the profession to better understand their mental health issues. I know several and they all are super crazy and shouldn’t be giving anyone advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You both have some maturing to do. None of what you mentioned should lead to a break up. it should lead to further conversation.

OP here. It’s really a break and not an actual breakup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t believe in therapy but you’re asking Internet strangers for advice? Hilarious

OP here. Almost all the psychologists I know are super crazy and only got into the profession to better understand their mental health issues. I know several and they all are super crazy and shouldn’t be giving anyone advice.

I’m sorry you know so many super crazy people! I would try a counselor, they are the ones who do most of the therapy. Psychologists are often best at observing and testing, Psychiatrists at giving medicine and social worker/counselors do the therapy.

[Anonymous]

He’s not the guy for you. Break up and cut off contact completely. Too much bs drama here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand what you mean by a commitment.

Do you mean:

Monogamy/sexual exclusivity
Mingled finances
Engagement
Definite near-term wedding plans

No way I'd be living with someone who is still dating others...

OP here. I want to get engaged. We have been sexually exclusive from day 1. We were friends first before we started dating and I was the first and only woman he slept with a year after his breakup.

Hahahaha. If you believe that, you’re more than gullible. Seriously, this relationship has no redeeming qualities and neither of you is mature enough to be in a relationship at all.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think he actually sounds like a good guy with a traumatic history and you should talk with him about what he was thinking. I don’t think breaks are useful.

If you want to get married, you need to have that conversation with him about whether he thinks there is a time, down the road, where he could picture that with you. I wouldn’t push a timeline, but make him aware that if you want kids you do have some valid time concerns. I would hold the line on moving in together. Doesn’t matter when exactly, but no co-living until he’s ready to commit.