If you were on the fence about having kids

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of people that claim to like their kids are just saying that because it would be too painful to admit they ruined the rest of their lives.

[Anonymous]

I love kids. Am a teacher, in fact. Always thought I wanted at least 4 of my own. We have 2 that are now teenagers and parenting them is the hardest thing we’ve ever done (and they’re good kids). I know I’ll get flamed for saying this, but sometimes I wish we were childless because I feel like my life would be so much less stressful. I was a great mom to them when they were young, but I struggle now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of people that claim to like their kids are just saying that because it would be too painful to admit they ruined the rest of their lives.

This is waaaaay more prevalent than people will admit. Big time coping mechanism.

[Anonymous]

If you find other people’s kids difficult to be around, I would not recommend having children. You probably don’t actually want children. You like the idea and perceived status of being a parent. That’s a terrible reason to have a child. Very selfish. And selfish people are the worst parents.

[Anonymous]

I was ambivalent towards kids. I found all kids annoying and never really sought out relationships with my nephews or other children in my life. I still find most all children annoying including my own - but for my own I have a much more in depth view of them and their annoying behavior. I’m also very motivated to engage with them and help them grow and learn.

All in all I’d definitely say I’m glad I had kids. I’m all in on them (in a healthy way) even though I definitely have days I fantasize about life without them. By the time I had them, I’d traveled the world, had tons of fancy dinners, had tons of relaxing weekends, etc…I definitely miss that phase of life but I don’t think another 40 years of that would have been as exciting as it was.

I don’t believe you have to be 100% certain you want them, I do believe you have to be 100% certain you will make the best life of it and do right by them if you have them. It’s possible to both love your kids deeply and be glad you had them and imagine other paths for your life that would have their own merits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was ambivalent towards kids. I found all kids annoying and never really sought out relationships with my nephews or other children in my life. I still find most all children annoying including my own - but for my own I have a much more in depth view of them and their annoying behavior. I’m also very motivated to engage with them and help them grow and learn.

All in all I’d definitely say I’m glad I had kids. I’m all in on them (in a healthy way) even though I definitely have days I fantasize about life without them. By the time I had them, I’d traveled the world, had tons of fancy dinners, had tons of relaxing weekends, etc…I definitely miss that phase of life but I don’t think another 40 years of that would have been as exciting as it was.

I don’t believe you have to be 100% certain you want them, I do believe you have to be 100% certain you will make the best life of it and do right by them if you have them. It’s possible to both love your kids deeply and be glad you had them and imagine other paths for your life that would have their own merits

18 years is a long time for resentment to build up. You can only fool yourself for so long before you're forced to acknowledge the horrible mistake you made.

[Anonymous]

It’s like any hard / life altering work (take olympic athlete for example). It alters your life, the path involves more hard days than highlights, the highs are high but most of the time isn’t that, you give up a lot, for many it was still all worth it for the highs / the accomplishment / the purpose. For some it wasn’t worth the work and sacrifice

The research on it is pretty clear - the average people is unhappier than a childfree person, but the happiness peaks are much higher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was ambivalent towards kids. I found all kids annoying and never really sought out relationships with my nephews or other children in my life. I still find most all children annoying including my own - but for my own I have a much more in depth view of them and their annoying behavior. I’m also very motivated to engage with them and help them grow and learn.

All in all I’d definitely say I’m glad I had kids. I’m all in on them (in a healthy way) even though I definitely have days I fantasize about life without them. By the time I had them, I’d traveled the world, had tons of fancy dinners, had tons of relaxing weekends, etc…I definitely miss that phase of life but I don’t think another 40 years of that would have been as exciting as it was.

I don’t believe you have to be 100% certain you want them, I do believe you have to be 100% certain you will make the best life of it and do right by them if you have them. It’s possible to both love your kids deeply and be glad you had them and imagine other paths for your life that would have their own merits

18 years is a long time for resentment to build up. You can only fool yourself for so long before you're forced to acknowledge the horrible mistake you made.

What a bizarre thing to say - I have no resentment at all and take a ton of joy in them. I can just also imagine other lives. Just like I imagine the life where Id pursued zoology instead of a business degree…doesn’t mean I regret the career I have, but I can also imagine what might have been.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I feel I lack the patience.

I adore my infant nephew but I was beyond bored when I babysat him. It was monotonous after like 10 minutes of play time. I have an amazing 6 year old niece but she’s sarcastic, stubborn, and whiney at times. I really can’t take it.

I was with my sister and her kids today at Old Navy and this kid kept slamming the doors to the changing stall over and over. I almost wanted to yell to get that kid to stop. Another was incredibly whiney and I just couldn’t listen to it. I find kids who whine past 2 incredibly irritating and annoying.

If you find that intolerable, you will not like having a teenager. 0-14 are the best years, and then very hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of my young life I figured I would have kids because that’s what people do. Now I’m nearing that time and seriously contemplating becoming a parent. It makes me sound awful but I dislike kids. I find them annoying 90% of the time - even family members I love. On the flip side, I’ve noticed myself becoming jealous of my friends having kids and longing for it. It’s such a huge commitment and I would rather regret not having than regret having, but I worry about regret not having when it’s too late. Anyone else feel this way and love being a parent?

There's your answer op. Don't have kids.

You're thinking you should because it's the next grown up thing to check off the list.

Kids can be awful absolutely awful and draining and sometimes they're no.little cutesy moments to make up for it. Some kids no matter how hard you try are annoying ahiles straight from birth on others have incredible needs.

And even if they are typical kids there's no guarantee that you'll like them and like parenting just because they are yours

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s like any hard / life altering work (take olympic athlete for example). It alters your life, the path involves more hard days than highlights, the highs are high but most of the time isn’t that, you give up a lot, for many it was still all worth it for the highs / the accomplishment / the purpose. For some it wasn’t worth the work and sacrifice

The research on it is pretty clear - the average people is unhappier than a childfree person, but the happiness peaks are much higher

This isn't good research so your claims are irrelevant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you find other people’s kids difficult to be around, I would not recommend having children. You probably don’t actually want children. You like the idea and perceived status of being a parent. That’s a terrible reason to have a child. Very selfish. And selfish people are the worst parents.

I think a lot of people have kids for that reason and this we have a lot of miserable and depressed parents and poorly parented and miserable and depressed kids.

It's okay to not have kids op. It's okay to not really like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not want kids. I have two. I love them, but I would be happier if I did not have kids.
I don’t think you would be happy being a mom. That incident at old navy is something that can happen every day for years.

Listen to this op. Voice of reason. You can’t send them back. Just google hate motherhood and see ton of information on motherhood regret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was ambivalent towards kids. I found all kids annoying and never really sought out relationships with my nephews or other children in my life. I still find most all children annoying including my own - but for my own I have a much more in depth view of them and their annoying behavior. I’m also very motivated to engage with them and help them grow and learn.

All in all I’d definitely say I’m glad I had kids. I’m all in on them (in a healthy way) even though I definitely have days I fantasize about life without them. By the time I had them, I’d traveled the world, had tons of fancy dinners, had tons of relaxing weekends, etc…I definitely miss that phase of life but I don’t think another 40 years of that would have been as exciting as it was.

I don’t believe you have to be 100% certain you want them, I do believe you have to be 100% certain you will make the best life of it and do right by them if you have them. It’s possible to both love your kids deeply and be glad you had them and imagine other paths for your life that would have their own merits

18 years is a long time for resentment to build up. You can only fool yourself for so long before you're forced to acknowledge the horrible mistake you made.

What a bizarre thing to say - I have no resentment at all and take a ton of joy in them. I can just also imagine other lives. Just like I imagine the life where Id pursued zoology instead of a business degree…doesn’t mean I regret the career I have, but I can also imagine what might have been.

Why bizarre? Actually pretty common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I feel I lack the patience.

I adore my infant nephew but I was beyond bored when I babysat him. It was monotonous after like 10 minutes of play time. I have an amazing 6 year old niece but she’s sarcastic, stubborn, and whiney at times. I really can’t take it.

I was with my sister and her kids today at Old Navy and this kid kept slamming the doors to the changing stall over and over. I almost wanted to yell to get that kid to stop. Another was incredibly whiney and I just couldn’t listen to it. I find kids who whine past 2 incredibly irritating and annoying.

You’re not really the same after having kids. When you have no human obligations, you can afford to be selfish, to lack patience. Once this tiny little person depends on you, you learn to develop patience, and all sorts of other selfless qualities. You grow into a confident parent. It takes time.

Huh? I know lots of confident, smart, patient chosen childfree people. They all seem very fit too. Actually sorta jealous.