What is emotional affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once had an EA with a client though I’m sure it wasn’t reciprocal. I was single, he was married and I was an emotional mess and he was a great listener so I could tell him things that I couldn’t tell others. Maybe it was more a a patient/psychiatrist type relationship. If given the chance I would have slept with him but he never gave any indication he wanted more. It ended when I met my now husband who took over that role. The guy and I are still friends but just friends.

That’s not an “EA,” that’s an unreciprocated crush. EAs are reciprocal, otherwise it is an obsessive crush. It’s kind of depressing that your resolution was jumping into another relationship but I get it.

NP, but so curious what is the line that both people must cross to distinguish between a crush and an EA. Sometimes I suspect the constant posts here about EAs are really just crushes - the “EA partner” is friendly, always willing to lend an ear and probably enjoys the attention, but really doesn’t have genuine feelings for the married person that’s falling for them.

When one of you confesses catching feelings and the other admits to feeling the same.

I don’t even think that’s the point where it flips to an emotional affair, it’s the emotional intimacy that comes after.

Are long hugs part of it?
Any physical contact part of it?

[Anonymous]

"do you hide this relationship from your spouse? If your spouse saw your interactions, would he/she be okay with it? If not, it’s an EA."

This. If you can't be completely open about it with your partner, or would change the way you interact with the other party if your partner were watching, it's an EA.

If it's already long hugs and touch, you're moving into actual physical affair territory. If you couldn't do it in front of your partner, or tell your partner the unedited truth about all of it, it's cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"do you hide this relationship from your spouse? If your spouse saw your interactions, would he/she be okay with it? If not, it’s an EA."

This. If you can't be completely open about it with your partner, or would change the way you interact with the other party if your partner were watching, it's an EA.

If it's already long hugs and touch, you're moving into actual physical affair territory. If you couldn't do it in front of your partner, or tell your partner the unedited truth about all of it, it's cheating.

Not sure that’s a good test of EA for spouses who aren’t the jealous type and would think nothing of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once had an EA with a client though I’m sure it wasn’t reciprocal. I was single, he was married and I was an emotional mess and he was a great listener so I could tell him things that I couldn’t tell others. Maybe it was more a a patient/psychiatrist type relationship. If given the chance I would have slept with him but he never gave any indication he wanted more. It ended when I met my now husband who took over that role. The guy and I are still friends but just friends.

That’s not an “EA,” that’s an unreciprocated crush. EAs are reciprocal, otherwise it is an obsessive crush. It’s kind of depressing that your resolution was jumping into another relationship but I get it.

NP, but so curious what is the line that both people must cross to distinguish between a crush and an EA. Sometimes I suspect the constant posts here about EAs are really just crushes - the “EA partner” is friendly, always willing to lend an ear and probably enjoys the attention, but really doesn’t have genuine feelings for the married person that’s falling for them.

When one of you confesses catching feelings and the other admits to feeling the same.

there's a confession involved?

[Anonymous]

man here....I have been good friends with an ugly girl but NEVER with one I find attractive so then tend to fantasize This is just nature...never going to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:man here....I have been good friends with an ugly girl but NEVER with one I find attractive so then tend to fantasize This is just nature...never going to change.

Is there more to an EA than just attraction and fantasizing? You’re describing being friendly and having a crush on girls you find attractive.

[Anonymous]

The more I read here the more I am convinced there is no such thing as emotional affaires.
People who said they have emotional affaires are people who controlled themselves from having affairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no such thing as having a "good friend" of the opposite sex. If you're in a relationship of any sort, that person should be your best friend. If they are not then you're not 100% into the relationship.

Any no, men cannot be friends with women they don't want to bang. That's just fact. There might be a .0000001% chance but it's a one off. Always assume if a guy and girl are friends, the guy wants the girl.

There is absolutely such a thing. I have a very good friend at work. We chat during the work day, then go home to our spouses. It just so happens that I'm male and she's female but our relationship wouldn't be any different if we were the same gender.

You gay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no such thing as having a "good friend" of the opposite sex. If you're in a relationship of any sort, that person should be your best friend. If they are not then you're not 100% into the relationship.

Any no, men cannot be friends with women they don't want to bang. That's just fact. There might be a .0000001% chance but it's a one off. Always assume if a guy and girl are friends, the guy wants the girl.

This is all wrong (and quite immature/sexist). We are more than our genitalia people.

[Anonymous]

EA has you thinking about the opposite sex friend too often. Becoming dependent upon contact with them, and wondering how they would be as a romantic partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The more I read here the more I am convinced there is no such thing as emotional affaires.
People who said they have emotional affaires are people who controlled themselves from having affairs.

I don't believe in Emotional Affairs. Are married people not allowed to be close to other people who aren't their spouses?

A lot of what is being described in this thread are people who want physical affairs, know they can't, and then hang out in the "emotional" area until things get figured out. That's a physical affair that you're restricting, so it feels emotional.

[Anonymous]

How is this different from falling for someone?

[Anonymous]

Any interaction that would would not be comfortable having your spouse there for. Or any texting that you wouldn’t want your spouse in the text string or to see
Anything where you’re hiding, it’s an affair, don’t kid yourself

[Anonymous]

Stop equivocating. Don’t cheat
And don’t dare blame your spouse that you need to have such a close relationship for emotional support. It is your responsibility to confide in your spouse, not someone else

[Anonymous]

I had a “date” this morning with a married member of the opposite sex. And it was awesome!