5 and 8 year old are like animals

[Anonymous]

I would make them run laps.

[Anonymous]

Structure, activity, lower your expectations and have realistic consequences. Time out? Not effective past age 4. Also be clear about your expectations up front. Tell them what you are doing and what you expect.

I have an 8 year old with severe adhd and would never consider staying home with him alone for a week with no plan. His energy needs are far different than mine. If we dont have an outing planned i find a camp or call a friend or come up with something. No more than 2 hours un structured at home. If you're having an at home day, structure it- legos, art, outside, more outside, ride bikes, kick a ball, cook something, you have plan it and make it active.

[Anonymous]

Now imagine being a teacher with 25 of them. Keep that thought in your head the next time you are frustrated about something that happens at school.

[Anonymous]

You raised them OP.

[Anonymous]

PP with the similar ASD/ADHD kids. I’m a bit shocked by how unkind the responses are here. OP, I would recommend a parenting class AND checking out the special needs board.

[Anonymous]

At the school where I work there are two families with 3 boys each and they are ALL like this. Those moms are the absolute last two people in carline pickup everyday and everyone says it’s because the moms don’t want to take them home.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m sorry. Of course you are exhausted! You’re getting some blunt responses that are honest but not particularly kind.

This behavior is not typical—not even for boys and not even for boys your children’s age. Imagine classrooms, camps, birthday parties, and child friendships if everyone kid acted this way. It just wouldn’t work.

Your kids do what they want because the reward is greater than the consequence. It seems like there may not be any consequence at all for them other than Mom getting fussy. Target one or two behaviors that have to change immediately to preserve your sanity. Perhaps the running and bedtime routines are a good start. Work on prevention first. If your kids run in public, eliminate their time in places where running is dangerous—like a restaurant or grocery. Then, when you go out together, they have to hold an adult’s hand. If a kid breaks loose and runs around in an inappropriate setting, scoop him up and bring him home—immediately and every time. Remind of a rule only once and then move to a consequence. It’s an entire pain, and it’s going to interrupt your plans, but so too will their behavior. You *have* to eliminate the perceived reward they get from non-compliance and show that your rules are consistent and enforced. Think of this like potty training; it’s not optional, and it makes your life so much easier.

Think also about logical consequences. If one of your children runs in the house, he goes back to where he started and walks. If he refuses, you have a consequence for not following adult directions. Be consistent. Wait them out. Carry them to their rooms for a timeout if necessary.

You also need to teach your kids calm. Help them exercise their energy in healthy ways. Aim for playground time or running in the early part of the day. Teach them self calming exercises for when they feel overly energetic, giggly, etc. You might try the Zones of Regulation curriculum at home.

If things don’t start changing after a few months of consistency, talk to your ped. The behavior could be a manifestation of ADHD or other issue.

[Anonymous]

You haven’t said anything about how you raised them or disciplined them. Which I guess says a lot.

A you realize this of us with kids (including active boys close in age) who will sit and play games and pee in the toilet actually raised them to do this? We didn’t wait until they were 8 to start parenting them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the school where I work there are two families with 3 boys each and they are ALL like this. Those moms are the absolute last two people in carline pickup everyday and everyone says it’s because the moms don’t want to take them home.

Sounds like the opposite to me. The kids are like that in the first place because the parents are checked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At the school where I work there are two families with 3 boys each and they are ALL like this. Those moms are the absolute last two people in carline pickup everyday and everyone says it’s because the moms don’t want to take them home.

Sounds like the opposite to me. The kids are like that in the first place because the parents are checked out.

What? That IS what I’m saying. The parents are checked out and leave the kids at school until the last possible minute to deal with them as little as possible. They also send them to school sick.

[Anonymous]

OP, your boys need to be responsible for cleaning up pee in the bathroom. They need to police each other on that front. eg-if you see pee on the toilet or floor, they BOTH have to come in and immediately clean it up. Or restrict screen time everytime you see pee on the seat or floor.
I have a girl and plenty of times she seems feral to me and she is 11. I feel your pain OP. And we do discipline etc. Some kids are just wired to be more wild I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You haven’t said anything about how you raised them or disciplined them. Which I guess says a lot.

A you realize this of us with kids (including active boys close in age) who will sit and play games and pee in the toilet actually raised them to do this? We didn’t wait until they were 8 to start parenting them.

I don’t know. My boy is just naturally easy and follows my rules. He would never pee outside the toilet and I have never told him that rule. Some kids are harder and crazy.

[Anonymous]

It’s weird how people think that outside time and physical activity can cure ADHD.

Yes, kids need outdoor time and they need to be active. But it’s not some cure. They can still act out.

I have been through this myself. We actually hired two college athletes to be Nannies for our severely ADHD son. They took him biking/hiking/swimming/running/trampoline park every day and it made zero difference with behavior. He needed stimulants and ABA.

[Anonymous]

This post made me LOL. I could have easily written it on a frustrating day when my sons were this age- minus the peeing thing. Mine are now 15 &13, good students and active in sports. I got a few calls home about one in early elementary (ended by 3rd grade or so) but never the other. Neither has any disorder or issue. I genuinely sympathize. Two active boys close in age are a handful for sure. things that I found:

(1) they need a TON of exercise and physical activity. An absolute ton- nothing is too much. Active camps, sports, swimming, biking, lots of time at the park etc. Unstructured time at home (unless they are totally exhausted from exercise already) generally will not go well. Outsourcing is great when you can- camps, sports etc. Swim team practices particularly wiped mine out- do that in the morning and they would be calm until mid late afternoon before they ramped up again. Seriously- exercise exercise exercise.

(2) screens are NO good for kids like this and will make the problem worse, no matter how tempting it is as a short term solution. If they will settle down and watch a movie or show for a bit AFTER a bunch of physical activity- fine. But keep it minimal and in check.

(3) separate the herd. They feed off of each other. Look for any opportunities to separate them. At one point in the summer, I had one DS in an AM sports camp and the other in PM sports camp so they were not together much during the day. A bit more driving but peace all.day.long. Obviously they still spent time together but avoid treating them as a unit, time apart can be wonderful. I often found behavior to be quite different when sibling was not present to distract them or provide opportunities to roughhouse…they were far more likely to sit down and do an art project, read etc. If both at home, enforced “quiet time” (even for an 8yo) to read or play quietly is a good thing at times. Allows a reset for all.