5 and 8 year old are like animals

[Anonymous]

My boys are like this (similar ages). Both are ADHD/ASD. I also have a girl who is beautifully behaved. It’s not entirely parenting, some of it is just the kids’ personalities. Get them outside as much as possible, reduce screens, use humor and firm, consistent boundaries to diffuse power struggles. Both you and your partner (assuming you’re the mother) must be in alignment and on board with discipline and you have to follow through with it so they know you’re serious. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Screens and passive parenting are ruining this generation of children and they will be petulant incompetent adults.

I’m sorry op, but you need to get a handle on things. Peeing in public and running away from mom is not ok. I would get a parenting coach to help you get a handle on things.

[Anonymous]

Do they have any special needs, OP? I agree with the others that it sounds like you either need a parenting coach to support you, or you need a diagnosis and plan. This can absolutely get better but you need to know how to tackle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were they disciplined at all when they were younger?

How do they behave at school?

[Anonymous]

Were they really going ng to bed after 10:00.pm based on your post time? They need more sleep. Try 8:00.

[Anonymous]

Put them in day camp and go back to work. Why were you home with them anyway? If you SAH it’s long past time to reconsider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just ending a week of spring break, the longest week of my life. I have those kind of boys that just move constantly, speeding by me or throwing a ball at something, never walking and always running. I feel like my nervous system is shot after spending an entire week with them. I can't even get my kids into time out when they do something wrong because they run away so fast and I can't catch them. The 8 year old just peed in the front walkway to the house instead of using the toilet. When they do use the toilet there's urine everywhere. Everything is a butt cheek joke or poop. I look longingly at those people with kids who are calm and clean up after themselves, or can go to a store with them without running around like lunatics, or who can sit and say, do art or play chess. Currently writing this locked in my room for five minutes of a break before I hassle them to put on their pajamas which is an entire uphill battle.

A normal 8 year old will not pee in the walkway or all over the bathroom unless they think you think that’s ok.

Why not try parenting classes like the ones here: https://pepparent.org/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just ending a week of spring break, the longest week of my life. I have those kind of boys that just move constantly, speeding by me or throwing a ball at something, never walking and always running. I feel like my nervous system is shot after spending an entire week with them. I can't even get my kids into time out when they do something wrong because they run away so fast and I can't catch them. The 8 year old just peed in the front walkway to the house instead of using the toilet. When they do use the toilet there's urine everywhere. Everything is a butt cheek joke or poop. I look longingly at those people with kids who are calm and clean up after themselves, or can go to a store with them without running around like lunatics, or who can sit and say, do art or play chess. Currently writing this locked in my room for five minutes of a break before I hassle them to put on their pajamas which is an entire uphill battle.

Sounds like they need to be outside running in the park. At this age I had to take my wild boy who was merely acting like a boy to cabin John park for hours a day. He would run and swing and slide much longer than I would like. There is no way he would sit and play cheese. Kids also need structure on break. A schedule. Parent the kids you have not the ones you want to have.

Admittedly I haven’t seen this degree of behavior but people tell me my kids a well behaved and I kind of want to laugh in their faces — my kids are crazy energetic disasters so I make them walk everywhere and we spend half our lives outdoors. Days where I try to have a restful, nothing day indoors are hopeless.

As for potty humor: it’s so prevalent in elementary school it’s hard to avoid entirely but I tell my kids that discussing anything potty related in public is rude and that I don’t want to hear about it and otherwise largely don’t react. If they want to make each other giggle with potty humour (and they absolutely do!) I don’t interfere unless they’re doing it at an inappropriate volume in public. But I’m not entirely successful and I don’t think any elementary parent is either. Honestly in your situation, I would focus on the chaos and destructive tendencies first and clean up their language later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to get this under control now or it will get much worse. Thats not normal.

Agreed. Also wondering if they were ever disciplined younger.

How do they act at school? With other adults?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just ending a week of spring break, the longest week of my life. I have those kind of boys that just move constantly, speeding by me or throwing a ball at something, never walking and always running. I feel like my nervous system is shot after spending an entire week with them. I can't even get my kids into time out when they do something wrong because they run away so fast and I can't catch them. The 8 year old just peed in the front walkway to the house instead of using the toilet. When they do use the toilet there's urine everywhere. Everything is a butt cheek joke or poop. I look longingly at those people with kids who are calm and clean up after themselves, or can go to a store with them without running around like lunatics, or who can sit and say, do art or play chess. Currently writing this locked in my room for five minutes of a break before I hassle them to put on their pajamas which is an entire uphill battle.

Seems clear that you are raising two future Wall Street investment bankers. (In other words, this is as good as it gets.)

[Anonymous]

This is prime “feeding off each other’s energy” age. They need to be separated. One in a camp and the other one home, or both in camps (would probably be separate anyway just based on their age). The lack of structure on breaks is also tough for that age so, again, camps will help with that. You’re not the only person whose kids need to be busy and out of the house most of the time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. How much sugar and artificial dyes are they having?
2. How much screen time are they getting?

I'd cut these both down to zero (allowing for natural sugars) and see where that gets me. Also, I'd let them know starting tomorrow whoever makes the bathroom a mess has to clean it up and is not allowed to do anything else until they do that. Whoever gets to a full week without needing to clean up bathroom mess gets to pick what's for dinner. Enforce the hell out of that.

Any time they make bathroom jokes, they have to stop what they're doing and go to the bathroom. Teach them it's unacceptable to speak this way.

Reverse psychology changing clothes "I bet you can't change into your pjs and put your dirty clothes in the hamper in less than 2 minutes. There's no way you can be that fast. I'll time you - GO!"

It's not dyes or anything like that. It's parenting. OP is a bad one. You reap what you sow.

Most people don't see the products of their 'labor' until the kid is older (and in therapy), but OP has a unique opportunity to turn things around.

OP, give the kids consequences for their actions. They pee in the bathroom and miss the toilet- they disinfect the bathroom daily for a week. They pee outside in public, they lose privileges to socialize in public (including sports practices). They run in the house and have negate house safety rules - give then a long art project to write house rules and hang them somewhere. If your kids don't respect you and that is your fundamental problem, then don't give them anything other than the essentials and ask them 'why should I get you icecream/take you to soccer/host your friend/give you screentime/buy whatever/etc if you don't respect my house and it's rules?' Or 'explain to me why I would want to give you whatever privilege when you behave ungratefully'. Seriously nip this in the bud quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just ending a week of spring break, the longest week of my life. I have those kind of boys that just move constantly, speeding by me or throwing a ball at something, never walking and always running. I feel like my nervous system is shot after spending an entire week with them. I can't even get my kids into time out when they do something wrong because they run away so fast and I can't catch them. The 8 year old just peed in the front walkway to the house instead of using the toilet. When they do use the toilet there's urine everywhere. Everything is a butt cheek joke or poop. I look longingly at those people with kids who are calm and clean up after themselves, or can go to a store with them without running around like lunatics, or who can sit and say, do art or play chess. Currently writing this locked in my room for five minutes of a break before I hassle them to put on their pajamas which is an entire uphill battle.

Seems clear that you are raising two future Wall Street investment bankers. (In other words, this is as good as it gets.)

Oh, I was thinking two future inmates!

[Anonymous]

I have 2 boys, 9 and 6, and I feel you re: the never-ending energy. When they were little, I used to think of them like border collies that need to be worked.

That said, the peeing in the hallway on purpose and not listening at all is not typical.

I would start with their pediatrician and try to get some kind of referral, either for parenting classes, or potentially evaluations for your kids.

DCUM can be mean, but please don't dismiss the people that are saying you need help, because I can't imagine a scenario where this doesn't get worse over time.

Kids crave confident caregivers and boundaries. They are lost without them.

[Anonymous]

Swimming. It will tire them out like nothing else. If they don't know how, sign them up for lessons and you can also get a little break from them. Trampoline park and hiking are also good, but swimming is the best.