Setting expectations in college

[Anonymous]

We did not have a set GPA (that they couldn’t go below or else), but we did keep the conversation open about how they were doing. If they made a bad grade on a test or were really struggling in a class, we asked them what they thought they could do about it, or we gave them suggestions for dealing with it.

They knew their merit aid was tied to their GPA, so that was definitely a factor. We also talked about how graduate school admissions relied on GPAs, so we encouraged them to think ahead.

You will never know (unless they tell you or you track them) whether they skipped class or not, so if their grades dip really low, it should spark a conversation about whether they need to take a break from college, attend summer school at a community college, etc.

The key is to keep the communication open and try to resist controlling their life — they need to have ownership in their future. I know my DD skips a class (she told me), but her grades a good so I don’t say anything beyond the casual, “Try not to skip class,“ or “Maybe you would have an A instead of a B+ if you attended class.” We also talk about how a teacher is more likely to help you or give you consideration when s/he knows you attend class.

[Anonymous]

Many on this site are below average performers living vicariously through their children. So hard for them to not have high expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the GPA drops below a 3.0 for one semester, I’m not paying for the next one.

It worked for me.

How old are your children?

I was the student in this case. The person paying my cost of attendance made this rule. I wasn’t related to her. It was a huge motivator. I graduated magna cum laude and worked very hard while my friends whose parents were footing the bill with no limits were out partying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the GPA drops below a 3.0 for one semester, I’m not paying for the next one.

It worked for me.

You sound like someone who doesn’t have children.

I actually do, but they are in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the GPA drops below a 3.0 for one semester, I’m not paying for the next one.

It worked for me.

How old are your children?

I was the student in this case. The person paying my cost of attendance made this rule. I wasn’t related to her. It was a huge motivator. I graduated magna cum laude and worked very hard while my friends whose parents were footing the bill with no limits were out partying.

And I'll bet that many of those same friends who were out partying are doing just fine now. College isn't high school. You don't need to graduate magna cum laude, and you don't need to impose your past on your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many on this site are below average performers living vicariously through their children. So hard for them to not have high expectations.

Agree. I’m the PP who went to college with this rule.

DS won a scholarship that requires him to maintain a 3.2 GPA each semester. It’s not a full ride but he will need to keep it to graduate. He’s visiting in a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for some advice from seasoned parents. How did you set up and enforce expectations in college, in particular around GPA, attending class etc - do you have access to grades/advisor?

Did not set up or enforce anything. They were very forthcoming without filling out the FERPA paperwork. Just kept in touch - daily if they wanted but usually not, generally a little more frequent than once a week.

[Anonymous]

University administrator here; also a mom to an adult off to college. Don’t do this insane hovering. Man, the parents these days are the worst—especially those who insist on specific majors, courses, etc. Parents who check grades get overly involved in course registration, professors, you name it, and then elevate those issues “over” the advisor to me and how often we have to remind parents that it is ultimately up to their 18-21-year-old. It’s quite sad to watch. Plus, it is demoralizing for these advisors who literally love helping students thrive. And these advisors have incredible track records in guiding and supporting students through graduation and beyond. It’s impressive to watch.

I see college students forced into majors they don’t even want yet who cannot advocate for themselves. I worry about these adults who wake up ten years from now in careers they never wanted or, worse, out of a job because they lack any passion or drive in the field.
Parents often insist on getting involved, and trust me; these parents become notorious. I’m honestly concerned about what parents are doing to this entire generation.
Please encourage your new college student to embrace campus, utilize all the resources, and let universities and our excellent expert teams help your student to thrive. We may know what we’re doing. Doesn’t mean an absolute absence of a parent in the student’s college life, but it does mean ensuring the college student is in the driver's seat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the GPA drops below a 3.0 for one semester, I’m not paying for the next one.

It worked for me.

I dunno, I want my kids trying things that are so hard they aren’t actually certain they’ll do well. It feels like this would be a disincentive to taking big risks.

+1
my 3.99UW/1520/10AP/great EC kid attended a T30 school for engineering. Used the AP credit and took calc 3/4 and Orgo 1&2 as a freshman. Spring semester was rough and ended with a 2.9xx. Bounced back with a 3.7+ each of the next 3 semesters so far. Engineering is hard.
We have discussions with our kids that goal is a 3.0+ simply because you need that for internships and it's a great goal to have.
But we more look at their effort. Yes, if they get a 2.2 and spent the semester out partying and not really doing academics, then they would know "do it another semester and you are not staying at an expensive school--you can come home and go to community college/local state U and figure things out". But if that 2.2 comes from genuine hard work in a hard major, Im still supporting them

This is such a pathetic post. You still describe your kid by reference to his high schools stats years into college. Wow. You people are something else. You could have made your same exact points without having to give the high school numbers.

The PP probably was providing the student’s stats for context, i.e., this was a good HS student who nevertheless struggled in a difficult college major but was able to turn it around. I found that context to be helpful in reading this post.

Also did you know that IBs and other financial institution employers actually typically ask for SAT/ACT score from their internship applicants? It is a useful data point and can be relevant even at the college level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the GPA drops below a 3.0 for one semester, I’m not paying for the next one.

It worked for me.

I dunno, I want my kids trying things that are so hard they aren’t actually certain they’ll do well. It feels like this would be a disincentive to taking big risks.

+1
my 3.99UW/1520/10AP/great EC kid attended a T30 school for engineering. Used the AP credit and took calc 3/4 and Orgo 1&2 as a freshman. Spring semester was rough and ended with a 2.9xx. Bounced back with a 3.7+ each of the next 3 semesters so far. Engineering is hard.
We have discussions with our kids that goal is a 3.0+ simply because you need that for internships and it's a great goal to have.
But we more look at their effort. Yes, if they get a 2.2 and spent the semester out partying and not really doing academics, then they would know "do it another semester and you are not staying at an expensive school--you can come home and go to community college/local state U and figure things out". But if that 2.2 comes from genuine hard work in a hard major, Im still supporting them

This is such a pathetic post. You still describe your kid by reference to his high schools stats years into college. Wow. You people are something else. You could have made your same exact points without having to give the high school numbers.

The PP probably was providing the student’s stats for context, i.e., this was a good HS student who nevertheless struggled in a difficult college major but was able to turn it around. I found that context to be helpful in reading this post.

Also did you know that IBs and other financial institution employers actually typically ask for SAT/ACT score from their internship applicants? It is a useful data point and can be relevant even at the college level.

Agreed, the context was useful. I never finished college, but it was a crappy regional school. My parents couldn't pay for anything and there was no incentive to keep my gpa high because unpaid or low paying internships were not an option financially. They were not involved at all with my grades, except for when I needed to medically withdraw.

C's get degree's, but As and Bs get free degree's is my motto with my kiddo. My financial support will never be unconditional and I've made it clear that this is an investment in their future, and I expect a return in the form of them taking advantage of all of the opportunities. If they don't have a great GPA they will miss out on opportunities like internships and much more. My support isn't black or white, but like another PP mentioned, if they're caught with their pants down not putting in the effort, I'm happy to provide motivation by reminding them who writes the checks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for some advice from seasoned parents. How did you set up and enforce expectations in college, in particular around GPA, attending class etc - do you have access to grades/advisor?

Your child can give you proxy access to grades but it's often only midterm and final grades. I look at my kid's grades and tell him there's no reason to have a D+ in Spanish and to get the grade up. He does because he knows I am not rich and I'm not going to throw my money in the trash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are concerned about these things BEFORE your child has even stepped foot onto a college campus, why are you sending him/her?

100% this.

[Anonymous]

None. My son even got a 1.8 his 1st semester.

He knew what he needed to do to stay in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the GPA drops below a 3.0 for one semester, I’m not paying for the next one.

It worked for me.

I dunno, I want my kids trying things that are so hard they aren’t actually certain they’ll do well. It feels like this would be a disincentive to taking big risks.

+1
my 3.99UW/1520/10AP/great EC kid attended a T30 school for engineering. Used the AP credit and took calc 3/4 and Orgo 1&2 as a freshman. Spring semester was rough and ended with a 2.9xx. Bounced back with a 3.7+ each of the next 3 semesters so far. Engineering is hard.
We have discussions with our kids that goal is a 3.0+ simply because you need that for internships and it's a great goal to have.
But we more look at their effort. Yes, if they get a 2.2 and spent the semester out partying and not really doing academics, then they would know "do it another semester and you are not staying at an expensive school--you can come home and go to community college/local state U and figure things out". But if that 2.2 comes from genuine hard work in a hard major, Im still supporting them

This is such a pathetic post. You still describe your kid by reference to his high schools stats years into college. Wow. You people are something else. You could have made your same exact points without having to give the high school numbers.

The PP probably was providing the student’s stats for context, i.e., this was a good HS student who nevertheless struggled in a difficult college major but was able to turn it around. I found that context to be helpful in reading this post.

Also did you know that IBs and other financial institution employers actually typically ask for SAT/ACT score from their internship applicants? It is a useful data point and can be relevant even at the college level.

Yep, and it's a lawsuit waiting to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the GPA drops below a 3.0 for one semester, I’m not paying for the next one.

It worked for me.

I dunno, I want my kids trying things that are so hard they aren’t actually certain they’ll do well. It feels like this would be a disincentive to taking big risks.

+1
my 3.99UW/1520/10AP/great EC kid attended a T30 school for engineering. Used the AP credit and took calc 3/4 and Orgo 1&2 as a freshman. Spring semester was rough and ended with a 2.9xx. Bounced back with a 3.7+ each of the next 3 semesters so far. Engineering is hard.
We have discussions with our kids that goal is a 3.0+ simply because you need that for internships and it's a great goal to have.
But we more look at their effort. Yes, if they get a 2.2 and spent the semester out partying and not really doing academics, then they would know "do it another semester and you are not staying at an expensive school--you can come home and go to community college/local state U and figure things out". But if that 2.2 comes from genuine hard work in a hard major, Im still supporting them

This is such a pathetic post. You still describe your kid by reference to his high schools stats years into college. Wow. You people are something else. You could have made your same exact points without having to give the high school numbers.

The PP probably was providing the student’s stats for context, i.e., this was a good HS student who nevertheless struggled in a difficult college major but was able to turn it around. I found that context to be helpful in reading this post.

Also did you know that IBs and other financial institution employers actually typically ask for SAT/ACT score from their internship applicants? It is a useful data point and can be relevant even at the college level.

Agreed, the context was useful. I never finished college, but it was a crappy regional school. My parents couldn't pay for anything and there was no incentive to keep my gpa high because unpaid or low paying internships were not an option financially. They were not involved at all with my grades, except for when I needed to medically withdraw.

C's get degree's, but As and Bs get free degree's is my motto with my kiddo. My financial support will never be unconditional and I've made it clear that this is an investment in their future, and I expect a return in the form of them taking advantage of all of the opportunities. If they don't have a great GPA they will miss out on opportunities like internships and much more. My support isn't black or white, but like another PP mentioned, if they're caught with their pants down not putting in the effort, I'm happy to provide motivation by reminding them who writes the checks.

You lost me at "kiddo."