Setting expectations in college
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Anonymous
| Looking for some advice from seasoned parents. How did you set up and enforce expectations in college, in particular around GPA, attending class etc - do you have access to grades/advisor? |
Anonymous
|
Ooooh, you’re in a for big surprise. You will have no access to grades, advisors, professors, etc. You won’t even get the bill unless your child grants you access. This thing called FERPA means that the school will only release information to the student and the student only.
I would suggest that you get a copy of Harlan Cohen’s The Naked Roommate Parents Only. This can help you get started with defining the changes in the relationship with your college student. https://www.amazon.com/Naked-Roommate-Roommates-Relationships-Everything/dp/1402267568/ |
Anonymous
|
If the GPA drops below a 3.0 for one semester, I’m not paying for the next one.
It worked for me. |
Anonymous
How old are your children? |
Anonymous
| You can make continuing to pay for college dependent on showing you x, y, z- but you won’t have access to anything from the school , it will have to come directly from your kid. |
Anonymous
Yep.. FERPA protects the college cartel from prying parents, much like the HIPAA protects hospitals and medical cartel from prying parents and relatives. |
Anonymous
I dunno, I want my kids trying things that are so hard they aren’t actually certain they’ll do well. It feels like this would be a disincentive to taking big risks. |
Anonymous
No. Zero access to any of this. I don’t even know DD’s advisor’s name. |
Anonymous
| If you are concerned about these things BEFORE your child has even stepped foot onto a college campus, why are you sending him/her? |
Anonymous
You sound like someone who doesn’t have children. |
Anonymous
|
I didn't do any of this. I did remind DS to set calendar reminders for registration dates so he could get the classes he needed each semester and to monitor he was on track for graduation in terms of course requirements, curriculum changes, etc.
He was very open with us and let us know if he was struggling with a class (probably because he knew we wouldnt overreact or threaten to pull him out). We offered advice if asked. We did not give him ultimatums or demand to monitor his grades, assignments, class attendance, wtf? |
Anonymous
|
Start by asking yourself questions. If you had access to this information, what would you do with it?
For example, if you had access to grades and advisor and your DC failed two quizzes, what would you actually do with this information? I was nervous as hell when my DD went off to college last fall. I was afraid she’d get behind and wait until it was too late to get help. But my husband and I decided that our anxiety wouldn’t be quelled in a healthy way by having access to her grades. Instead we talked to her a lot about on campus resources and that everyone at some point needs to use them. We also talked about how DC needs to keep a 3.0 to retain her scholarship and showed her an online GPA calculator so she understood how it gets calculated. We wanted to start this new phase of our relationship with our DC as her sharing information vs us silently hovering. So far so good! |
Anonymous
| Jesus Christ. |
Anonymous
| You don't, you hope raised a levelheaded adults who is going to make mistakes, but who has the bigger picture in mind, and will ultimately overcome. |
Anonymous
|
Why would you? I've stepped away in HS. I only know about grades at report card time.
I'm happy to give control over my kids' own lives when they are 18. I'll try to keep an open relationship though. I was on academic probation multiple times in school. I'm happy my parents didn't pull me out! I graduated, moved on and am happy. My kids can't do much worse than me. |