If your child was asked not to return to private, what was the procedure?

[Anonymous]

I’ve seen counseling out from the school side. Unless a child is failing or causing an imminent safety issue, it tends to be a drawn-out process that occurs over 1-2 school years. Much like a PIP in employment, the student and his/her family are usually given a chance to try to turn things around with appropriate outside supports (tutors, meds, counseling, whatever’s appropriate to the particular situation). You generally have several meetings with the school about behavior and achievement before they start trying to convince you it’s not a good fit/no longer a good fit.

Schools are also aware of the application cycle. Ideally, many admins will try to get the process going by fall conferences so that the family can make a decision about applying out ahead of the January deadline. Barring that, they typically initiate the conversation in the late winter before contract renewal.

[Anonymous]

We weren't counseled out, but it was clear that the school couldn't support my child. I don't know what they would have done if we had insisted on staying -- but that wouldn't have been good for any of us. Like you, we gutted it out and left after 8th grade, but I'm not sure that was the right decision. She's doing so much better in a school that's a better fit.

[Anonymous]

The school told us they were going to hold-off on offering DS a re-enrollment contract. That was our clue to immediately start applying to other schools. It all worked out.

[Anonymous]

OP, my family and I were in a situation like yours many years ago. I struggled with emotional regulation and grew up in an explosive home, which translated to problems at school.

The school told my parents that I could return, though they wanted to see me in therapy among other things. At that point, my parents had already decided to withdraw me, feeling it wasn't a good fit and that I needed a fresh start elsewhere. They were already unhappy with the school for many reasons and had previously transferred my sibling to another school.

Provided you're working with the school to get DS help, they'll likely allow him to return. However, if your kid is struggling socially, I agree with posters who say giving your kid a clean slate might be good if/when possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of the Big 3, one is known to be a straight jacket. At that Big 3, a child had cancer. Due to chemotherapy, the child fell behind junior year. The child still wanted to go to the spring dance with his classmates. The school refused, because the dance was for upperclassmen. This was years ago, but the school continues to defend its position. The child’s family and the school came to the mutual decision that the school was not a good fit. All children left.

At the same Big 3, an elementary school teacher had cancer. Because of financial constraints from debt payments (some schools with large endowments also have tremendous debt, which is paid after expenses), the school refused at first to hire an aide. The elementary students’ sole home room teacher was undergoing cancer treatment and was in the process of dying. Eventually the school did hire an aide and finally a substitute. The teacher did pass.

Students and teachers who do well at this school have zero unusual problems including never getting cancer.

Any student who falls short of that? One student who was counseled out had issues that would have been supported at another Big 3. The students’ family knew in advance that the school was being counseled out. It was a collaborative discussion, and the school helped place the student. Siblings stayed. However the student needed additional counseling from the experience of being counseled out. He went from being a confident boy to one who suspected he was flawed, even though he would have thrived had he all along been at another Big3. Also, his classmates and community, which he’d been with since Pre-K also believed him to be flawed.

If you haven’t heard anything yet, I would not be concerned about the school counseling the child out. However, I would be concerned about the impact of the child being at a school that is a poor fit. For this reason I would proactively research other schools now in case the research is helpful in the fall.

Yikes to this. I would really like to know what Big 3 school it was that did this. I feel for the dying teacher and student with cancer. Re: the teacher, did the school let anyone know they needed $ for an aide? Couldn't they discreetly contact a big donor? I would hope some parents would write a check to the school specifically for the aide. I say this as my mom died when I was young. I can't imagine anyone putting someone through the above when they had cancer. I would like to know so I never send my child to this Big 3 school...