I want my tombstone to read, ‘She Asked for Help’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i wonder how many ppl are afraid to admit they have suicidal thoughts bc of what it could trigger in medical professional

OP here. I absolutely will not go to the hospital because of this. There’s a service in the hospital complex that I am considering, but it’s not the ER. But I’m even scared of that, even though someone I trust told me about it.

So you have options to get help, you know what they are, but you are afraid of them? You already have your tombstone epitaph picked out, but maybe it should read "too afraid to make the right choice" or "wanted someone else to be responsible for her well-being". Only you can do what's right for you. No one else knows what's going on in your minds. Obviously, depression is unhealthy, but you know that. You posted here. You can do something about it - you know you need to do something - yet you don't do anything....

Suck a gangrenous eggplant, pp. Long and hard.

You, I like.

[Anonymous]

You're experiencing a doom loop where everything you listed gets continual play without a resolution. So the more you dwell on this the more you feel abandoned.

Take one problem at a time and work through those feelings. Change your thought process and decide what you need most first. Learn to depend on yourself because only YOU can change YOU.

I hope you find peace.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry OP. Hang in there, please reach out to friends or any relatives,.or even a neighbor just to say hi to.

I know how you feel OP, it's a struggle. Please even try a web based therapy program in the mean time. Do anything that makes you feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When it takes months to get in to see your PCP
When therapists have waiting lists
When your husband knows you are struggling but ‘has’ to work a full day even when you are having suicidal thoughts, and ‘needs’ to attend a training meeting from the home office that same evening
When the doctors you actually can see don’t do jack for you

When
You
Did
Ask
For
Help

And were failed or diminished, time and again. It just makes it worse.

I am so sorry OP. I have felt like this so many times. I understand. I wish I knew you in person. Even so, my hands are on your back as support, lifting/holding you up. Keep going. You are worth it. The world needs you.

[Anonymous]

Please do not try and think about all of the hurdles or problems at once — it is too overwhelming when you are in this headspace. Just focus on the next right thing…break each day second by second if need (example: stand up, walk to bathroom, toothpaste on toothbrush, brush teeth, walk to kitchen, eat something, etc). Soon you will have done so very many things in a row and choosing the next thing isn’t as hard.

Please stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i wonder how many ppl are afraid to admit they have suicidal thoughts bc of what it could trigger in medical professional

OP here. I absolutely will not go to the hospital because of this. There’s a service in the hospital complex that I am considering, but it’s not the ER. But I’m even scared of that, even though someone I trust told me about it.

So you have options to get help, you know what they are, but you are afraid of them? You already have your tombstone epitaph picked out, but maybe it should read "too afraid to make the right choice" or "wanted someone else to be responsible for her well-being". Only you can do what's right for you. No one else knows what's going on in your minds. Obviously, depression is unhealthy, but you know that. You posted here. You can do something about it - you know you need to do something - yet you don't do anything....

Suck a gangrenous eggplant, pp. Long and hard.

Floored by the creativity of this command

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i wonder how many ppl are afraid to admit they have suicidal thoughts bc of what it could trigger in medical professional

OP here. I absolutely will not go to the hospital because of this. There’s a service in the hospital complex that I am considering, but it’s not the ER. But I’m even scared of that, even though someone I trust told me about it.

So you have options to get help, you know what they are, but you are afraid of them? You already have your tombstone epitaph picked out, but maybe it should read "too afraid to make the right choice" or "wanted someone else to be responsible for her well-being". Only you can do what's right for you. No one else knows what's going on in your minds. Obviously, depression is unhealthy, but you know that. You posted here. You can do something about it - you know you need to do something - yet you don't do anything....

Suck a gangrenous eggplant, pp. Long and hard.

I love this and I may steal it. Also, "you know you need to do something, yet you don't do anything" shows that this person has never had depression or been around anyone who has depression. OP, I send you love and strength.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i wonder how many ppl are afraid to admit they have suicidal thoughts bc of what it could trigger in medical professional

Yes. This. I had an ob visit this week and they make you fill out a mood questionnaire. Well one of the questions was have you thought you about harming yourself suicide. I answered not anymore than usual.

I have a long long history with self harm and suicidal ideation. I've been "recovered" for a decade. It doesn't mean the thoughts don't come in. Alid never act on it at this point but I answered that question honestly. My baseline is different than someone who has never suffered from trauma. Not more than usual is my response to most things.

The provider made it so awkward. I ended up just turning the switch and smiling and saying oh I just have hit the wrong button. And spent 2 min doing a I'm fine dance and she bought it and acted relieved that she didn't have to deal with the question anymore.

Sometimes it doesn't pay to be honest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Better than nothing?

https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/ai-therapy/

I've used Better Health before and its great. I struggle opening up to strangers and the ability to do therapy via messaging was incredibly helpful.

+1. A Therapist with Better Help gave me ONE sentence that is stuck in my head every day and that has changed me over the past 2 years. I didn't even "see" her for very long, but she has helped me more than anyone else in my life. It can be a very easy, valuable resource.

[Anonymous]

There are treatments when others aren't working. TMS and Spravato (Esketamine) nasal spray being two of them: https://inspirebehavioralhealth.com/tms/

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP.
Re the PCP, if you have One Medical in your area I recommend giving them a try. I have always been able to get next-day appointments in person or telehealth even the same day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Better than nothing?

https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/ai-therapy/

I've used Better Health before and its great. I struggle opening up to strangers and the ability to do therapy via messaging was incredibly helpful.

+1. A Therapist with Better Help gave me ONE sentence that is stuck in my head every day and that has changed me over the past 2 years. I didn't even "see" her for very long, but she has helped me more than anyone else in my life. It can be a very easy, valuable resource.

Well…what is the sentence?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When it takes months to get in to see your PCP
When therapists have waiting lists
When your husband knows you are struggling but ‘has’ to work a full day even when you are having suicidal thoughts, and ‘needs’ to attend a training meeting from the home office that same evening
When the doctors you actually can see don’t do jack for you

When
You
Did
Ask
For
Help

And were failed or diminished, time and again. It just makes it worse.

I am so sorry OP. I have felt like this so many times. I understand. I wish I knew you in person. Even so, my hands are on your back as support, lifting/holding you up. Keep going. You are worth it. The world needs you.

Thank you. I feel it. Thank you to all the kind posters. -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i wonder how many ppl are afraid to admit they have suicidal thoughts bc of what it could trigger in medical professional

Yes. This. I had an ob visit this week and they make you fill out a mood questionnaire. Well one of the questions was have you thought you about harming yourself suicide. I answered not anymore than usual.

I have a long long history with self harm and suicidal ideation. I've been "recovered" for a decade. It doesn't mean the thoughts don't come in. Alid never act on it at this point but I answered that question honestly. My baseline is different than someone who has never suffered from trauma. Not more than usual is my response to most things.

The provider made it so awkward. I ended up just turning the switch and smiling and saying oh I just have hit the wrong button. And spent 2 min doing a I'm fine dance and she bought it and acted relieved that she didn't have to deal with the question anymore.

Sometimes it doesn't pay to be honest

I had the same experience.
It’s so frustrating bc it happens when someone feels trapped in a situation and what is required is the keys to get out. The keys are therapy, medication and also the permission to ‘go’ in the world rather than out of it. For example if someone is suicidally depressed in their marriage then they need to be reminded that the kids of divorced parents are better off than a kid who has lost a parent. Or if is job related then better to be poor then dead. Etc etc. idk that people always need to act on that advice but for me there’s sometimes this notion that to continue to suffer situationally and just have therapy and take meds should be acceptable. Sometimes - and I think especially for those who have had suicidal ideation- radical change is the only answer.