Husband Raises His Voice to Me Every Single Day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have told him that I have read articles indicating that men who are depressed often exhibit greater signs of anger, but that again angered him, and he insisted that I am the root of all his problems. I have been begging him for years to get tested for ADHD and, more recently, to see a psychologist about possible depression. He finally got the ADHD testing and was indeed diagnosed after nearly thirty years of my begging him to go. He still refuses to discuss the possibility of depression though.

If this is OP posting the PP then gtfo. He is untreated mental disorders big time.

He’s probably pretty incompetent too so at a minimum he needs to live alone in a small apartment. A nice simple life.

You need to go blossom and have a real life Op.

Live in separate homes. ASAP.

Or divorce, but he’ll be a big albatross around your and the adult kids’ necks forever.

He needs lexapro and prob something for bipolar or borderline. He sounds insane, clinically.
He can’t verbally communicate without raising his voice and yelling. F that.

This and this.

You’ll likely always have to “manage” and Ex like this but it will be a fraction of the time as now plus none of his verbal abuse.

[Anonymous]

Uncontrolled anger is not a symptom of ADHD. He has ADHD AND something else is going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you treat him like a child and “manage” him like he is an imbecile. In that context, yes, every little thing you are controlling about implies that he is incompetent and would cause boiling rage.

You are always responsible for your behavior. Always. No one can make you do anything and if you're living under this belief you should pivot. You control you.

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised no one has pointed out that maybe the ADHD meds need to be tweaked or changed. Also, OP, you are being dismissive of his feelings by saying that this isn’t something to get upset about. That would drive anyone into a range if you dismiss their feelings. Better say, I see that you’re upset about this. And I’m going to do XYZ anyway. Either that or flat out ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Laugh in his face. Tell him he has eroded any love you once had for him. Move to the guest room. Recoil in disgust when he reaches for you.

This is terrible advice. Pp is trying to get you to provoke your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have told him that I have read articles indicating that men who are depressed often exhibit greater signs of anger, but that again angered him, and he insisted that I am the root of all his problems. I have been begging him for years to get tested for ADHD and, more recently, to see a psychologist about possible depression. He finally got the ADHD testing and was indeed diagnosed after nearly thirty years of my begging him to go. He still refuses to discuss the possibility of depression though.

Same thing with women. Depression can take the form of anger or rage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the last five to ten years, my husband yells at me loudly literally every single day if I bring up anything that he doesn't like to hear -- i.e. asking him to remember to lock the door when he comes in or leaves the house, saying that we should leave a little earlier for a destination because there is extra traffic that day (he says I am trying to control him when I say that). Just about everything upsets him, and he starts yelling at the top of his voice, eyes bulging, saliva coming out of his mouth. It's particularly strange because it's not even "hot topics" that might generate this level of anger. It is his daily response to just about everything. I used to get upset back and insist that the things he was saying weren't true. But it has gotten to the point where I just keep calmly repeating, "Why are you screaming? This is not something to get so upset about and can just be discussed calmly." Nothing seems to calm him down. He has recently started ADHD medication, which I was hoping would help him control his temper, but it has not helped so far in that department. Has anyone dealt with this? If so, what worked? He will not go to see a psychologist because "he does not have an anger issue." He is approaching sixty years old, so I don't know if this is some kind of male menopause issue, but he has become a raging monster.

You sound like a controlling person. Just let him be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you treat him like a child and “manage” him like he is an imbecile. In that context, yes, every little thing you are controlling about implies that he is incompetent and would cause boiling rage.

This. I would love to just be a fly on the wall to know all the facts. Do you nag him? Or pester him about idiotic, annoying things? You know men don’t like that sht, right? How would you feel if he constantly told you to do mundane things or critiqued your every move? Maybe watch your mouth, lady. Just watch it.

[Anonymous]

lol, OP ignore these trolls.

The bottom line is that you accept it or you don’t. The choice is yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Laugh in his face. Tell him he has eroded any love you once had for him. Move to the guest room. Recoil in disgust when he reaches for you.

This is terrible advice. Pp is trying to get you to provoke your husband.

Nah. Just to treat him the way he treats others - to show him it won’t be tolerated. I would’ve told him to F off by now. He behaves the way he does because he’s been getting away with it their whole marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you treat him like a child and “manage” him like he is an imbecile. In that context, yes, every little thing you are controlling about implies that he is incompetent and would cause boiling rage.

This. I would love to just be a fly on the wall to know all the facts. Do you nag him? Or pester him about idiotic, annoying things? You know men don’t like that sht, right? How would you feel if he constantly told you to do mundane things or critiqued your every move? Maybe watch your mouth, lady. Just watch it.

Here he is folks! Read all about it. Crank up the decibels too.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you can swing it financially, I would leave and go live in a rental. The stress alone will shorten your life.

Once you have some time apart you can consider if you want to file or just live separate lives.

[Anonymous]

He’s tired of your nagging

[Anonymous]

You sound like you nag him all the time. I'd be stressed out and shut down too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you treat him like a child and “manage” him like he is an imbecile. In that context, yes, every little thing you are controlling about implies that he is incompetent and would cause boiling rage.

This. I would love to just be a fly on the wall to know all the facts. Do you nag him? Or pester him about idiotic, annoying things? You know men don’t like that sht, right? How would you feel if he constantly told you to do mundane things or critiqued your every move? Maybe watch your mouth, lady. Just watch it.

I grew up in a home like this. Mom was constantly nagging my dad until he had an outburst. It was like it was her hobby. Their kids are all grown now, and all of us have no interaction with her. Visit dad weekly with the grandkids.