Dementia development in father in late 60s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
So, not to scare you, OP, but your mother sounds as if she has some sort of cognitive decline herself. Not the same sort of dementia maybe, but a real disease that is unrelated to her living conditions. I've known several spouses of people with dementia, and they all begged for help and knew exactly what the situation was. The denial is very concerning.

You should call their county's eldercare office or whatever it's called and ask what they can do. Where I live, the county can do welfare checks, send people who are unable to care for themselves to homes, and go to court to appoint a caretaker for their estate. Usually it happens when a person is sent to hospital and it transpires that they don't have adequate care to go home, but you can try in this situation.

That did occur to me about a year ago after seeing a sudden turn in troubling behavior. I tried to address it with them and then he assaulted me. They both argue with doctors and I know they go occasionally but often don’t follow the doctors instructions.

The senior care line told me to leave them alone and let them ask for help for my own legal protection so that’s what I’ve done. It’s difficult but I see their point. I can’t really handle taking them on legally as long as she can cope at all.

[Anonymous]

Previous poster with brother FTD. It could be the mom also has decline, but my SIL (in her 40s) was in MAJOR denial with the FTD. As did my brother in the beginning. There was a lot of talk about “fighting it” and “beating it” that was counterproductive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Previous poster with brother FTD. It could be the mom also has decline, but my SIL (in her 40s) was in MAJOR denial with the FTD. As did my brother in the beginning. There was a lot of talk about “fighting it” and “beating it” that was counterproductive.

That does sound familiar to me. -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Previous poster with brother FTD. It could be the mom also has decline, but my SIL (in her 40s) was in MAJOR denial with the FTD. As did my brother in the beginning. There was a lot of talk about “fighting it” and “beating it” that was counterproductive.

What? Who on earth is that uninformed about dementia diagnoses?

[Anonymous]

He is abusing your mother emotionally and probably physically and nobody is doing anything. Old women are supposed to stay and take it when younger women are not. I doubt she has it too, more likely Ptsd from hiding the truth. I had a neighbor who was told by the care worker if she reported her dementia husband for abuse he would go to jail. She had bruises on her arms and he regularly locked her out of the house in the winter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Previous poster with brother FTD. It could be the mom also has decline, but my SIL (in her 40s) was in MAJOR denial with the FTD. As did my brother in the beginning. There was a lot of talk about “fighting it” and “beating it” that was counterproductive.

What? Who on earth is that uninformed about dementia diagnoses?

FTD is a different disease and hits people quite early compared to other dementias. It also has a poorer prognosis. No one wants to believe they or their spouse has a devastating behavior changing, language-robbing dementia in their 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Previous poster with brother FTD. It could be the mom also has decline, but my SIL (in her 40s) was in MAJOR denial with the FTD. As did my brother in the beginning. There was a lot of talk about “fighting it” and “beating it” that was counterproductive.

What? Who on earth is that uninformed about dementia diagnoses?

FTD is a different disease and hits people quite early compared to other dementias. It also has a poorer prognosis. No one wants to believe they or their spouse has a devastating behavior changing, language-robbing dementia in their 40s.

Really? I certainly would. I mean, if the symptoms are there, why ignore them? But then I'm a scientist.

Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is abusing your mother emotionally and probably physically and nobody is doing anything. Old women are supposed to stay and take it when younger women are not. I doubt she has it too, more likely Ptsd from hiding the truth. I had a neighbor who was told by the care worker if she reported her dementia husband for abuse he would go to jail. She had bruises on her arms and he regularly locked her out of the house in the winter.

This happens with women of all ages. It's hard to get them help when they deny there is a problem and refuse any assistance. You can't force someone to move out, get a divorce, put their husband in a nursing home, etc. I think OP is doing all the right things by helping from a safe distance and being ready to swoop in if there is an opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Previous poster with brother FTD. It could be the mom also has decline, but my SIL (in her 40s) was in MAJOR denial with the FTD. As did my brother in the beginning. There was a lot of talk about “fighting it” and “beating it” that was counterproductive.

What? Who on earth is that uninformed about dementia diagnoses?

FTD is a different disease and hits people quite early compared to other dementias. It also has a poorer prognosis. No one wants to believe they or their spouse has a devastating behavior changing, language-robbing dementia in their 40s.

Really? I certainly would. I mean, if the symptoms are there, why ignore them? But then I'm a scientist.

Sigh.

Please read this, some people with FTD aren’t in regular denial, it is actually part of the disease: https://www.theaftd.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/PinFTDcare_Newsletter_Winter_2019.pdf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Previous poster with brother FTD. It could be the mom also has decline, but my SIL (in her 40s) was in MAJOR denial with the FTD. As did my brother in the beginning. There was a lot of talk about “fighting it” and “beating it” that was counterproductive.

What? Who on earth is that uninformed about dementia diagnoses?

FTD is a different disease and hits people quite early compared to other dementias. It also has a poorer prognosis. No one wants to believe they or their spouse has a devastating behavior changing, language-robbing dementia in their 40s.

Really? I certainly would. I mean, if the symptoms are there, why ignore them? But then I'm a scientist.

Sigh.

Please read this, some people with FTD aren’t in regular denial, it is actually part of the disease: https://www.theaftd.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/PinFTDcare_Newsletter_Winter_2019.pdf

Very good article. Reading between the lines (and I’m speculating OP, so please correct or ignore if it doesn’t apply), I get the sense that Mom has been deferential at the least, probably some denial, and maybe even an abuse dynamic ((Dad also has alcohol related dementia IIRC). Mom may not have the capacity to face things or say no right now.

I really feel for you OP. You are right to protect your physical safety and I hope you can find meaningful support to deal with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Previous poster with brother FTD. It could be the mom also has decline, but my SIL (in her 40s) was in MAJOR denial with the FTD. As did my brother in the beginning. There was a lot of talk about “fighting it” and “beating it” that was counterproductive.

What? Who on earth is that uninformed about dementia diagnoses?

FTD is a different disease and hits people quite early compared to other dementias. It also has a poorer prognosis. No one wants to believe they or their spouse has a devastating behavior changing, language-robbing dementia in their 40s.

Really? I certainly would. I mean, if the symptoms are there, why ignore them? But then I'm a scientist.

Sigh.

Please read this, some people with FTD aren’t in regular denial, it is actually part of the disease: https://www.theaftd.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/PinFTDcare_Newsletter_Winter_2019.pdf

Very good article. Reading between the lines (and I’m speculating OP, so please correct or ignore if it doesn’t apply), I get the sense that Mom has been deferential at the least, probably some denial, and maybe even an abuse dynamic ((Dad also has alcohol related dementia IIRC). Mom may not have the capacity to face things or say no right now.

I really feel for you OP. You are right to protect your physical safety and I hope you can find meaningful support to deal with this.

Your inference is correct, PP.

Thank you for the link to the article.

Dealing with being their only daughter has required therapy so that I keep up boundaries that protect my own family but not such high ones that I neglect my duties to them, which are minimal now. I just have to be mindful of how limited they are and steer clear of their attempts to draw me in (usually bribery related time sucks).