Dementia development in father in late 60s
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
My father has had significant symptoms of frontotemporal dementia for the past four+ years. He also has alcohol related dementia and significant memory challenges like names and dates. He recently forgot how he is related to a close family member and became agitated when we pointed out who this person is in response.
My mother is caring for him at home alone but I cannot assist safely. He becomes violent when provoked near me, and arbitrarily, unpredictable things provoke him. He often forgets my age and thinks I am still a minor (I’m in my 40s). My mother won’t go anywhere without him and gets confused herself in conversations but it seems like her confusion is more related to how she exhausts herself accommodating him and not so much from organic reasons. She has done so much as altered the shoes she wears and what she eats to mollify his moods. I am their only child and they have no other family nearby. Is there nothing I can do to help? My mother often accuses me of abandoning her but I can’t put myself or my family at risk so I stay away. |
Anonymous
| What outcome do you think is best for your father? Moving into a facility? |
Anonymous
| They do not have the financial resources for 24/7 care. Home health aide is financially feasible but he is rejecting outside help and overwhelming my mother. |
Anonymous
| I would look into an anti-anxiety med. |
Anonymous
|
There is a hotline for Alzheimer's, but they also help with dementia in general. They have knowledgeable people who can help strategize about what to do. I found the consultants thoughtful and knowledgeable.
Is your father or mother seeing a doctor? |
Anonymous
| I’m sorry, OP. Can they consult with a social worker to see what they recommend? Sometimes there are services in the community to provide respite care, senior ‘daycare’, etc |
Anonymous
| Thats pretty normal with early onset. Beyond offering to babysit, maybe offer grocery shopping or other help. |
Anonymous
|
Your Area Agency on Aging may be able to help you find resources and make plans.
I’m sorry, OP, this is so difficult and painful. https://www.usaging.org/hcbs |
Anonymous
|
Is your father still drinking? If so there is not much you can do.
If so I'd recommend AlAnon for you. Can you take Mom out for lunch to get her away for a bit. |
Anonymous
| Drop off food at the door. Drop off groceries at the door. |
Anonymous
|
So sorry and sending you hugs. This is so tough. Be prepared that it will get worse. Can you talk to your mom more frequently?
|
Anonymous
| +1 to anti anxiety meds. That is what has really helped my MIL who has frontotemporal dementia. |
Anonymous
I think so but I don’t visit often due to his rage outbursts. When I visited around the holidays, there was alcohol in the house. My mother won’t go anywhere without him. I think she is concerned about leaving him alone. He does see a doctor but they don’t communicate with me about medical care. They just complain about me and blame me for everything from the price of prescription drugs to inflation. |
Anonymous
Thank you for sharing your MIL’s experience |
Anonymous
|
Get your mom a housekeeper, gardener, grocery delivery, etc. Make her life easier in every way.
Dad can get on anti-anxiety meds and memory drugs to make sure things don't get worse right away. The memory drugs will just keep things from progressing for a 1-3 months but it can help. Find a community they can move to where she can have the life she deserves while your dad can get some help. Do they have friends? Does your dad or mom have siblings? |